To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

First thread

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4332702-to-not-want-an-awake-child-around-at-11pm-when-i-m-on-holiday

@Shallwegoforawalk

Fuck that. Every night is wine night

We need t-shirts with this on. And cushions. And wooden signs with artisan rope. It's the new Live Love Laugh.

If you haven't yet come across them, I highly recommend the Effin Birds merchandise!

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

Couldn't have said it better

Ah, what another great Pearl of wisdom! You’re so full of it.

I feel only slightly sorry for you being so desperate to post on another of OP’s threads, that you’ve now had to resort to reposting someone else’s inane drivel.

@Falleybollolo that would be really quite unhelpful to your friend wouldn't it? If it's the same person, clearly they are seeking a third party vent, just like OP but in different places.

I think I go gentle parenting but not like some of these examples. My child doesnt rule the roost. I dont shout, i dont hit, I listen and discuss feelings, I explain and understand. But I do use a firm voice when needed and there are consequences. I see gentle parenting as just treating how I want and expect to be treated in the adult world. Some of these supposedly gentle parents I dont think are gentle parenting at all - they're just sitting back and not really parenting at all. Gives gentle parenting a very bad rap

Single parent of an almost ten year old here.
Your experience is exactly why we haven’t had a decent holiday in years. The last one I did with a friend and her child was so difficult mainly as her way of dealing with things was just so different to mine. She doesn’t use the word no, doesn’t use any form of discipline, it’s all about ‘being mindful’. Her son behaved appallingly on several occasions breaking things and hitting her and not so much as a cross word was said by her.
I tried to intervene once from a supportive and ‘keeping everyone safe’ perspective and it didn’t go well. Child cried and friend then focussed more on how I’d ‘hurt his feelings’ than the fact he’d smashed stuff and thrown a Lego model at her head.
My daughter has a very clear understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable and she certainly thrives best if she has a good nights sleep, if she doesn’t get 10/12 hours a night she’s like a grumpy bear meaning she can’t enjoy the daytimes any where near as much. She’ll occasionally stay up late on holiday if we’re all out or doing something special but it’s my time too and adult company is a big bit of why I thought/hoped holidaying with another single parent would be fun.

@WimpoleHat

How did you feel when you saw Liam lying on the playground hurt and crying'? 'Do you think you made the right choice to hit him'?

Dear God….😫

Oh don't. My child had a hitter in her reception class. This child has no SEN, she's simply a spoilt only child who has been 'gently' parented and never told no because they don't use words no 'no' and 'naughty' they're banned (I know this because I know the parents from before school). She'd wallop the others whenever she was asked to take a turn, or she didn't like anything. Teacher was ineffective and a 'gentle hands' type too it was maddening.

One of the little boys in my child's class has autism and is a very literal chap. He apparently stood up one day and said 'why does Chloe - not her real name - keep getting asked if she made a good choice? She hit someone! It's not a good choice and her hands aren't gentle! Someone needs to TELL HER OFF!'

The five year old speaks sense!

[quote MrsScrubbithatescleaning]@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

Couldn't have said it better

Ah, what another great Pearl of wisdom! You’re so full of it.

I feel only slightly sorry for you being so desperate to post on another of OP’s threads, that you’ve now had to resort to reposting someone else’s inane drivel. [/quote]
It was a good post.

I like reading Orwell.

He's a great writer.

If you haven't yet come across them, I highly recommend the Effin Birds merchandise

I'm in tshirt and jacket heaven, particularly love the Letterman jacket with the coat of arms.

Any idea if they are printed in the us or EU?
Will make a big difference in costs.

Agree that friendship is for company. That's how we choose our friends in the first place. We choose people whose company we enjoy and who we can talk to easily and who enhance our lives.

@Falleybollolo

Funniest thing. Friend of mine is on a mums holiday at a resort with a friend and thier kids. She's told me she's having a reeally hard time with her dc anxiety and that going to bed is really hard, spesh in a new place. Has messaged me saying how supportive the mum friend is being and how lucky she is to have her as a friend. Wondering if sending her this thread is harsh 🤔

Yes don't send it. She doesn't need to question if her friend is a mean girl. Hopefully your friend is with some one else who is how she presents, not a multiple faced individual.

Everyone's got multiple faces.

@torchh

Everyone's got multiple faces.

I see that.

Enjoy more booze and brat bashing.
Off to bed for me.

Big day of ineffective parenting tomorrow.

@MaggieFS just googled them and have ordered a very rude mug to have on display for my next difficult zoom meeting 😁 they are brilliant!

OP you are my kind of person !!

The secret to getting children to sleep, or at least stay quietly in their rooms reading, is to be really, really boring when they come down. By encouraging board games and pamper sessions and doling out masses of attention when she comes down and is the only child around, the parent is rewarding and reinforcing the behaviour. I do wonder whether, as a single parent, she is using the child as a substitute for adult company. That would explain the child's reluctance to let her DM and OP have adult time: it's hers, normally.

Going off to bed with the wine and devices is totally the right and only solution in this scenario. As is never going on holiday with this friend again.

No favours are being done this child.

As a teacher and parent, the child who hits, bites etc was calmly and firmly told, "People are not for hitting/biting etc," and encouraged to think of a way to make amends after a sincere apology. They also learned that their "Sorry!" was not a re-sent button but carried the commitment not go repeat the behaviour.

Often it takes a little time for the hitter to be ready to apologise but they spend that time alone calming down and thinking, not getting adult attention, which is focussed on seeing the victim is OK.

Children do need to learn how to apologise and put things right; it isn't innate or developmental and some don't witness it from their families.

Modelling how to apologise when in the wrong is an important part of teaching/parenting!

I feel for you OP. This reminds me of a holiday with my 2 kids, my 2DBs, their partners and kids and my parents in a farmhouse in Cornwall.
One SIL and DB were unable to get their kids (age 6 and 8) to go to bed at a sensible time and just waited for them to decide they were tired! At about 11pm on the first night they were up having ice cream and playing outside with no attempt to make them go to bed - I wonder why they said they weren't tired
All the other kids (some older) were in bed by 8pm.
The non- sleepers of course were grouchy the next day so on the 2nd night (after a discussion about adult time and kids needing sleep) they tried to get the kids to bed about 8.30pm. This resulted in screaming, crying and then more ice cream! I couldn't believe it. The excuse was that they aren't used to going to bed that early . The ice cream was supposed to be a bribe but it didn't work and they were still up when I went to bed about 11pm.

The rest of us left them to it and went to the pub the next night. My parents offered to babysit for all of us as long as the kids were in bed.

Never trying a multi- family holiday again!

Re-set, not re-sent.

@NewlyGranny

Oh bless.
If only it really were that simple!

[quote Shallwegoforawalk]@MaggieFS just googled them and have ordered a very rude mug to have on display for my next difficult zoom meeting 😁 they are brilliant! [/quote]

Aren't they marvellous! I can probably guess which one.

@Congressdingo I think it's all US? Not sure.

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh I'm teetotal but you carrying on generalising

Absolutely love the idea of a competition to who can get to sleep the fastest and stay in their rooms! Absolute genius!!!!

Failing that, make it totally boring for her. No games. No 'pamper' sessions. No joining in the adult conversation.
Sit away and drink wine and chat!

Or just tell her to bloody go to bed like all the other kids have. Spoiled little madam.

@MsTSwift
We had a weekend break with 6 other families which was fab. Kids were upstairs watching a film to be fair until my dd then about 8 came down to say the only child of two high powered politicians had shoved her off a bed hard and unprovoked. They were too old for toddler shoving and dd was outraged.

Kid came down and admitted it and parents gentle parented her. Our dd usually extremely polite says loudly to the whole group “I cannot believe I have been shoved off a bed and the parents have done nothing about it”. The high powered parents sat there wetly having had their crap parenting called out by an 8 year old😁

Wow, a perfect parent, extremely polite child except when she’s being rude and precocious AND you holiday with high powered politicians? Impressive!

Some people seem really mad about OP daring to want to have some wine with her friend 🤨 call the police, someone’s had more than one drink on their holiday

Pulls up chair ready for tonight...