To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

First thread

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4332702-to-not-want-an-awake-child-around-at-11pm-when-i-m-on-holiday

@Window1 yes, I’m sure there are positives to it, but I didn’t see any in action at that particular school. The kids were out of control and it was used as a “let’s all do exactly the same thing and hope for the best” approach. It just amplified the time given to children who were stopping others from learning.

Like most of these whole-school approaches, I’m sure it can be implemented well somewhere.

Oh lord- the asd card is being rolled out by some posters.
Children with asd need very clear and consistent boundaries.

I have just read both threads and I have a bit of sympathy with your friend, but far more for you.

I have three kids, 2 of whom go to bed well.

My middle on is a fucking nightmare. He was a nightmare on holiday and he's often a nightmare at home. He has ADHD and anxiety and nighttime's are an absolute bitch.

I tell you want I don't bloody do, I don't go up into his room and giggle along with him and nor do I offer to play games or do stupid pamper sessions.

Fuck. That.

Children with asd need very clear and consistent boundaries.

Absolutely! And with ADHD, any slight change from what he expected to happen and all hell breaks loose.

"...And am I supposed to be self deprecating about me and my DD? No - we are both pretty awesome..."

You bloody are awesome, @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop!

Come and stay here - I will happily stay up until all hours, drinking wine and putting the world to rights, and your kids can spend their days running round the garden with the dogs.

I have a freezer full of ice cream for everyone, and an unsurpassed ability to buy cake and snacks.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh have you actually said what you’d have done with Alyssa in this situation?
I’m all for parenting the child you’ve got and it’s not one size fits all etc etc but the OP is describing an 8 year old with no known issues who just doesn’t want to go to bed and would prefer to stay up with the adults being the focus of their attention (as would most children) and then can’t get up in the morning to an extent where the the others are being told to be quiet. OP doesn’t get any downtime with her friend and the friend herself doesn’t seem happy with the situation either. Fair enough if Alyssa can’t get to sleep - I have a night owl- but she can be told to stay in bed and read a book and that Mum and Mum’s friend are watching something that’s too old for her so she can’t come downstairs.
I’m not sure how creative and diverse Alyssa’s thinking is going to be if she doesn’t get enough sleep.

Just loving your solid sense of self esteem, OP!

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I bought the "How To Talk So Children will Listen" book when DD was 2, as many people raves about it. I got a quarter of the way brought and binned it, what a load of shit. I didn't even put it in the charity bag so that another person could avoid parenting their child properly

Thank you so much to you and the others who raised this book. I read it in desperation at my 3yr olds behaviour and I've been mystified as to why none of it worked. I thought there was something wrong with my DC, or me.

Are there any parenting books anyone could recommend for non-gentle parenting?

@ny20005

I feel for teachers. I got a phone call about my 'spirited' teens behaviour. Teacher was audibly surprised at my reaction

Clearly all the other parents he'd phoned followed the gentle parenting approach

I gave them permission to give him detention at lunch time & suggested the punishment they were planning wasn't enough 😂

Op, I've been in similar situations with extended family holidays. We just took our drinks off & left them to discuss crap with a pre schooler 😂

I did something similar, with ds1. I got a call from the Head of Science, to say that ds1 had managed to do the sum total of bugger-all biology, the previous term. Pretty much the only writing in his biology notebook was notes from his teacher telling him to catch up the work he hadn't done.

The Head of Science gave me the choice between after school detentions until he had copied up ALL the missed work, or I could send ds1 into school during half term, because the HoS had to be in then doing work, and he was happy to supervise ds1 in the classroom whilst he got caught up.

I decided that making ds1 miss part of his half term sent a much firmer message, so that's what we did. I think it took him 2.5 days to get it all copied. We never had that problem again.

And in case anyone is horrified that I didn't sit ds1 down and ask him to reflect on why he hadn't done the work, and what the best consequence would be, I'm happy to tell you that he was entirely untraumatised by the event, and buckled down to work at school and university, and is now doing really well in his career - so I think I can claim a victory for firm parenting there.

@TheStoic

What else do we 'use' friends for confusedgrin are when we become mothers are we only mum and not entitled to our own company.

That doesn’t make a lot of sense, but most people don’t ‘use’ their friends. They like them for who they are. Do you genuinely think using people is what friendship is for?

No, I was responding to a PP who accused me of using my friend for company. Which is kind of what I thought friendship was for 😂

Just read your thread Op - I'm with you completely! Hope you have a better night tonight.

@Immunetypegoblin

I recently learned that the word disco live comes from the Greek 'to train'.

I suspect autocorrect has interfered here but really want to know what it was meant to be!!

Oh god bloody auto correct!!!

So it should've read, that the word discipline means 'to train'.

Darn my inability to proof read!

@CoronaPeroni I have just remembered another horrifically brilliant bit of bullshit from the school.

Repeat offenders (or behaviour escalators or whatever they're called now) get moved (not sent) to the....inclusion room!

It's a place where children can reflect quietly about their behaviour away from the distractions of a busy classroom.

I went full Inego Montoya when I heard that. THIS WORD, IT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS!

So glad mine are older.

Bloody hell I’ve only been to Sainsburys and I’ve got three whole new pages to read

I’d be tempted to get 3 prizes for the 3 who went to bed and stayed there nicely all week. Probably best just to think not say out loud well you didn’t win that one Alyssa.

You sound great OP. I was a single mum for a long time and was very firm with DC. Now I have little patience for parents who pander to their kids. You sound like my people

@callmeadoctor

I KNOW!!!!!!!!!! Have a competition with the kids tonight for "child who goes to bed first!!!!!!!!!!!" YAY Ive sorted it

Please do this, @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop - @callmeadoctor is a genius!!

@TheMamaYo

I am a fairly strict parent whenever I need to be, also doing it on my own. But I must admit, this thread caused me to sit up a bit straighter again. Had a friend over yesterday, and after interrupting us a couple of times, my daughter was sent upstairs. It is important that they know we value our adult time, isn't it? I told her last night if she does it again, I am going to join her and her friends when they visit next, interrupting and asking questions about what they are talking about. Think I got the message loud and clear to her, she looked horrified. Please tell us where you are holidaying? It sounds like a fab place.

This is an amazing idea! I'm definitely going to try it on my DC. It really gets the point across in a simple and relatable way.

No, I was responding to a PP who accused me of using my friend for company. Which is kind of what I thought friendship was for.

Yes, the PP was me. Are you OK?

You can use all the laughing emojis you want. But if your ‘friend’ read this thread, she would be devastated. You have encouraged dozens of strangers to mock her parenting and laugh at her expense. If you have a shred of self-awareness, or insight, or conscience, you must know that this is a pretty awful thing to do to a friend.

[quote AllCatsAreSpecial]@theluckiest fucking Paul dix! I was on placement at a (shite) school where the head had desperately imposed his method on all the teachers. Result: disruptive kids getting all the attention and positive reinforcement.[/quote]
It's a while since I taught, just had to look up Paul Dix! He sounds to be of a type, very good at making money from telling others what to do, I've oftrn wanted to see the type actually teach for a decent length of time.

@decoratedstandardlamp I am so glad you posted again… it had been bugging me for hours

Anyone on this thread who feels that "gentle parenting" is anathema to them may be interested in what Katherine Birbalsingh has to say. She's fab.

That pp is onto something. child who stays in bed the whole night apart from if they need a toilet gets a prize. Toilet trip is to the toilet and back to bed any messing around no prize. Little miss I win might actually stay in bed. Could Chuck in a first to fall asleep too lol

Well Frangipani I nearly missed the entire 2 threads! I saw Thread 2 this morning & had to go & read Thread 1 in full, interspersed with ferrying multiple children to multiple matches.

You write so well, definitely an alternative career there if you move on from teaching!

Also you are MN gold as you come back, reply to posters & don't give a shit about people disagreeing with you or taking swipes. 👏👏👏

I do see recent posters' points re it not being nice for the friend if she were to read this ... but she won't, and therefore there's no chance of her being upset. OP is using this as a way to express her frustration at her friend's dictator child controlling her parent, & by extension, OP & friend's time away.