[quote SausageRollFan]**@SausageRollFan. Why does all bad behaviour need to be classified as a condition ? Not questioning your own child, but from what the OP has described, A is behaving like this because she CAN - friend clearly has no idea how to set boundaries and stick to them.
It doesn't, but the very fact that it's decided from what OP has said it must be bad behaviour is exactly what I'm talking about . No one here is qualified or in a position to know and decide that. Nor am I in a position to say the child does have any difficulties, but it's certainly better to be open minded and support, because where does judgment get anyone?
Except I've seen my friend's parenting IS a direct factor in her DD's inability to sleep. Why go to sleep when you can stay up and play instead?
And? Lots of people saw our parenting and decided the same. Guess what, they were wrong. If it's her parenting, why doesn't her other child behave in the same way?
Because classifying it as a condition absolves those in charge from any responsibility.
Not at all. But standard parenting techniques don't always work with neurodiverse kids. People see you not doing xyz and this decide makes you a shit parent, when doing that would only escalate the situation rather than give any effectual remedy and certainly wouldn't 'teach' the child anything useful
*I have friends with children with ‘conditions’ they KNOW that to help their kids learn, they have to set boundaries and mean them, they have to be clear and consistent and they have to be firm when it’s needed.
Even if things did go tits up for whatever reason, they’re skilled at managing the situation for the benefit of the child*
I totally agree, and as said above it's not an excuse, but boundaries often look different and so do the parenting techniques for dealing with whatever is going on. Sounds like this mum hasn't got the skills to manage her child's behaviour, but that does make her a terrible parent, it's not something we all instantly know, we learn as we go along and if you have a child with difficulties peoples insistence you parent them in a certain way actually only delays how long it takes you to sus out the best way to parent them, as they feel pressured to do so in a certain way which often just doesn't work.
And whoever else mentioned there are no boundaries around sleep (sorry can't find it now), there are boundaries, the child goes to bed with her mum and goes to sleep, that's the boundary. She's not up running around all night. The boundary is different to the norm though so therefore it's criticised. You can't expect someone to suddenly parent their child differently for a week because you don't like how they do it it. If that's what works best for the parent and mum into one else's business, no one forced OP to go on holiday amd she admits herself she knew what the child's behaviour was like so why would you expect it to suddenly change on holiday?
As a side note, as adults we're told if we can't sleep, to get up and do stuff and go back to bed when tired, yet kids are expected to suck it up and are often held to higher standards than adults are. It's quite bizarre really. Same could be said for op whinging about child's awful behaviour when she's on mums net bitching about her friend behind her back. Child should be kind and polite at all times, yet it's acceptable for adults not to be 
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Couldn't have said it better.