Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell you that my husband is a twat?

228 replies

PackedUp2 · 27/08/2021 18:12

Just need to rant sorry!

My husband treats me like a maid there to service him and his needs and I am SICK OF IT.

Tonight's argument - I have asked him so many times to please clear his pockets before he puts things in the washing basket because I don't always have time to go through everything (on maternity with our baby and I'm knackered!). Anyway lo and behold he didn't again and his car key was put through the washing machine 🤷‍♀️ lots of blame on me of course, "is it really so hard to check his pockets for him" etc... Then lots of adamant "you're buying me a new one, you're sorting this out", "where are your keys I'm going to go run them under the tap" etc...

This is just one thing but it's just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I've packed up me and baby whilst he was in the shower and I'm at my mum's house who's on holiday.

I wouldn't even mind if he was like "my keys broken now but I know you told me to check pockets so I'm sorry I forgot" I'd have probably then apologised for not checking as well. But it's the total unwillingness to accept ANY blame. It's all my fault and now I'm apparently definitely paying for a new one for him or he'll wash my car keys as well (his wife on maternity getting next to no money).

I'm sat in my mum's empty house with a crying 6 month old. Happy Friday to me.

OP posts:
Oogachuckachopsy · 28/08/2021 07:08

@MrsRobbieHart

Why do men behave like this?!

Because they weren’t set straight the first time they tried it, or the second or the third….

Well done for blaming the OP for the shit behaviour of her stupid husband. FFS.
Tlollj · 28/08/2021 07:32

Just me that checks pockets before I put stuff in the wash then?
I’m not sticking up for dh btw but I think that’s part of doing the laundry.
The way he spoke was uncalled for and twattish.

Ifyouarehappyandyouknowit21 · 28/08/2021 07:32

Your husbands being unreasonable asking you to pay for his key but you are also being unreasonable not checking pockets. It really doesn't take that long to do it.

toomuchlaundry · 28/08/2021 07:34

Did he treat you like the maid before you went on maternity?

Do you have joint finances?

Who is paying for childcare when you go back to work? Will you still be treated like the maid?

Plumbear2 · 28/08/2021 07:36

@Ifyouarehappyandyouknowit21

Your husbands being unreasonable asking you to pay for his key but you are also being unreasonable not checking pockets. It really doesn't take that long to do it.
Exactly so the husband should be perfectly happy to do it himself considering it dosent take long.
Sexnotgender · 28/08/2021 07:40

@Tlollj

Just me that checks pockets before I put stuff in the wash then? I’m not sticking up for dh btw but I think that’s part of doing the laundry. The way he spoke was uncalled for and twattish.
I don’t check pockets. The other people with pockets in their clothes in my house are adults and should be grateful that their dirty clothes are washed, dried, folded and returned to them. I’m not their maid. If they want them washed they can put them in the laundry basket and empty the pockets. It’s really not too much to ask 🙄
GarnetsandRubies · 28/08/2021 07:42

My ex was the same. The last straw was when his dog peed on the kitchen floor and he stood in it. Of course it was all my fault. He took my brand new trainers I'd just gotten that day out of their box and scrubbed them through the dog wee, because if his trainers were ruined then so were mine. Absolutely awful way to live

HalzTangz · 28/08/2021 07:46

Tell him to use his spare key, that you won't be paying for his mistake (after all it was him that chose to be bone idle lazy and not empty his pockets).
Then, if you do stay with him, refuse to do his washing ever again

Billybagpuss · 28/08/2021 07:47

Hope you ok this morning.

Is he habitually a twat or is this a one off?

Confusedandshaken · 28/08/2021 07:51

@PackedUp2

Part of me feels like just continuing to fold up his dirty clothes and put them back in his drawers from now on see how long until he notices.
When we were newly weds Dh used to leave his dirty clothes on the floor rather than walk the 6 steps across the room to our very expensive wedding present laundry hamper so I did this very thing. Anything that wasn't in the basket got neatly folded or hung up and replaced in his drawers/wardrobe. It took a while for the penny to drop but now, 35 years later, his clothes always make it to the basket!

Seriously, DH has some annoying little ways but your DH sounds unkind and selfish. I would not contact him if I were you, he knows full well you are safe and well and have quite reasonably walked out on him so let him stew.

cameocat · 28/08/2021 07:54

How are you this morning OP? Hopefully he is very sorry and apologetic and you can move forward. If not, time to reassess your marriage I think.

Chamonixshoopshoop · 28/08/2021 08:11

It's not about the pockets, that's a red herring here. It's the expectation she'll just do his laundry, no thanks given, and then behaving terribly when accidentally some keys end up in the laundry.

Congressdingo · 28/08/2021 08:18

@Ifyouarehappyandyouknowit21

Your husbands being unreasonable asking you to pay for his key but you are also being unreasonable not checking pockets. It really doesn't take that long to do it.
A grown adult and you are here making excuses for him. I never check pockets because I'm not a maid/dont run a launderette.

I fairly recently washed a phone, a new one. And amazingly no one told me off for this and no one threatened retaliation with my next new phone.

lotsofdogshere · 28/08/2021 08:21

How can any other woman put blame on another for not checking the pockets before doing his washing? Is she his handmaiden? Is he 6 years old and she’s his mum?
He’s an abusive t*

LakieLady · 28/08/2021 08:22

@Chamonixshoopshoop

It's not about the pockets, that's a red herring here. It's the expectation she'll just do his laundry, no thanks given, and then behaving terribly when accidentally some keys end up in the laundry.
I think it's a bit more than that. It's the expectation that he can be careless and irresponsible with his own possessions, and when it all goes wrong, it's magically OP's fault, not his. He's using OP as a scapegoat.

I used to know a guy like this. His nickname was "Blameless", because he plainly thought he was.

Couchbettato · 28/08/2021 08:50

I could have written this post 2/3 years ago.

My XH would leave alsorts of shite in his pockets. I remember having to pull the drum out while I was on maternity leave because some how his loose change had gotten under it!

Please notice, he is my ex. It doesn't get better. I advise you do the same.

Original poster
PackedUp2 · 28/08/2021 08:56

Thanks everyone. I ordered food and turned my phone off. Luckily DS slept like a dream so I feel good this morning.

H has apologised and said he was feeling rubbish and tired after his vaccine yesterday and shouldn't have reacted like that. It's half arsed though because he still thinks I should be checking pockets as well. It doesn't matter though now as I'm not washing his stuff anymore.

Someone asked why can't he use his spare key... Because HE lost it ages ago 🤦‍♀️

The washed key still works, it's just the buttons that don't so he has to lock and unlock it manually.

I'm back home but I'm going out today to a friend's.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 28/08/2021 08:59

Are things going to change in respect of him treating you like a maid?

WeAllHaveWings · 28/08/2021 09:03

Even my 17 year old knows when he puts clothes in his basket he turns then inside out and checks pockets or he assumes the consequences. He also knows if he needs something and I havent done a washing yet to stick it on himself.

Your 'd'h sounds like a incompetent, sulky, abusive teenage manchild. He would be thankful when you do his washing for him and accept his mistake.

I assume this incident isn't a one off? It is time to sort the whole situation one way or another.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/08/2021 09:05

@Tlollj

Just me that checks pockets before I put stuff in the wash then? I’m not sticking up for dh btw but I think that’s part of doing the laundry. The way he spoke was uncalled for and twattish.
I'm autistic which gives me a terrible memory. I might remember the first few times after someone leaves a tissue in their pocket, but after that I forget. Now that I've read this thread I'll remember again for a few days.
drpet49 · 28/08/2021 09:06

Why did you marry twat?

drpet49 · 28/08/2021 09:06

a twat?

diddl · 28/08/2021 09:09

I don't empty pockets unless when I pick something up there's obviously something in them.

No one here leaves keys in pockets tbh.

bonzo77 · 28/08/2021 09:14

DH and I had one row over how I did his laundry. Also when our oldest was 6m and I was on mat leave. I went out and bought him a laundry hamper of his own. Said if the standard’s not acceptable, do it yourself. I’ve not touched his laundry in 11 years. It’s become a bit of a joke now.

bigbaggyeyes · 28/08/2021 09:14

If he thinks it's not hard to check pockets, then wtf isn't he doing it himself.

He's a twat

Swipe left for the next trending thread