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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell you that my husband is a twat?

228 replies

PackedUp2 · 27/08/2021 18:12

Just need to rant sorry!

My husband treats me like a maid there to service him and his needs and I am SICK OF IT.

Tonight's argument - I have asked him so many times to please clear his pockets before he puts things in the washing basket because I don't always have time to go through everything (on maternity with our baby and I'm knackered!). Anyway lo and behold he didn't again and his car key was put through the washing machine 🤷‍♀️ lots of blame on me of course, "is it really so hard to check his pockets for him" etc... Then lots of adamant "you're buying me a new one, you're sorting this out", "where are your keys I'm going to go run them under the tap" etc...

This is just one thing but it's just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I've packed up me and baby whilst he was in the shower and I'm at my mum's house who's on holiday.

I wouldn't even mind if he was like "my keys broken now but I know you told me to check pockets so I'm sorry I forgot" I'd have probably then apologised for not checking as well. But it's the total unwillingness to accept ANY blame. It's all my fault and now I'm apparently definitely paying for a new one for him or he'll wash my car keys as well (his wife on maternity getting next to no money).

I'm sat in my mum's empty house with a crying 6 month old. Happy Friday to me.

OP posts:
diddl · 27/08/2021 18:36

He sounds absolutely horrible.

Try not to waste any more tears on him.

You are better off in an empty house without him threatening you.

TokyoSushi · 27/08/2021 18:36

Awful. Stay at your Mum's.

burritofan · 27/08/2021 18:36

He’s a twat. What else does he do if this is just the final straw?

Calmdown14 · 27/08/2021 18:38

Having a general moan in frustration, just about acceptable but threatening to ruin yours, really quite worrying behaviour.
You have definitely done right in showing this really isn't acceptable.

Outbutnotoutout · 27/08/2021 18:38

Order a Chinese, turn your phone off and settle in and watch a film.

PennyWus · 27/08/2021 18:39

Why do men behave like this?! I'll never understand it. It's barely civilised. Something seems to happen when some men have a baby, they assume the little woman is sitting around watching TV all day, and really has nothing to do except serve their menfolk.

I really honestly wish it was possible /(legal) to film these Neanderthals when they are kicking off, then broadcast the video to all their friends, family and colleagues. I reckon they would be mortified.

Sigh

PackedUp, try and relax and enjoy being with your baby. Wait for your useless fella to summon up a PROPER apology, ideally with a sheepish grin and a bottle of wine and an offer to do the laundry for the next month in penance.

And meanwhile, raid your mum's cupboards for something yummy to eat and settle in for a quiet, Neanderthal-free evening.

SkinnyMirror · 27/08/2021 18:40

Yep he's a twat. Being on maternity leave doesn't mean you become his maid.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/08/2021 18:40

Its good you had somewhere to stay whilst the idiot got over himself.
If he was just cross about the key's being washed. That is relatively normal to be fed up about. but not acknowledging that it wasn't done on purpose and asking you to pay for it and then saying he'd do the same to your keys in retaliation is pure childish vindictiveness.
It doesn't bode well for how supportive he would be in a real crisis. He is a selfish, immature manchild. And a vindictive person cannot be relied on. Sorry that you are going through this OP. Hope your mum gets home soon

JurassicShay · 27/08/2021 18:40

What a knob. He won't like it when he has to do his own bloody washing and forgets to check the pockets himself. Who is he going to blame then?
Probably you for not teaching him to check them, he seems like he's never to blame for anything.

Babamamananarama · 27/08/2021 18:41

I wouldn't be staying in a relationship with someone who threatened me with retaliation or who said 'you are paying for this'.

Has he threatened you in other ways OP? I struggle to believe that this is a one off.

AnonymousCheerleader · 27/08/2021 18:41

Don't bloody give in then!

He's a vile twat. I wouldn't be doing any of his washing anymore.

ShitShop · 27/08/2021 18:41

He’s awful. Blaming you is bad enough when he’s had plenty of reminders (as a fully grown adult ffs) to check his clothes before putting them in to wash. But then threatening to do the same to yours and saying you’ll have to pay is just appalling. What an absolute man child he is. In fact my children don’t even behave like this - DS’s watch went through the wash the other day. His response - “oops silly me! Hope it’s ok”

You don’t need this sort of shit when you’re dealing with a baby too. I’d be staying at your mums indefinitely if I were you. Flowers

MeAndZig · 27/08/2021 18:42

Sorry to hear that and especially that you’re sitting at your mums upset. Can you invite a friend round to have a glass of wine with. You did the absolute right thing by going to your mums, he needs the naughty step treatment so he can understand how unreasonable he’s been. I wouldn’t contact him he needs to apologise and then you can explain how you feel. It’s the age old argument partners have been having for years . Just need to set some boundaries and he will have learnt that you’re not going to take his behaviour. Sending big hugs , you’ll feel better tomorrow

SnarkyBag · 27/08/2021 18:43

He sounds awful. I’d be looking to move out permanently. This is no way to be treated

proudwomansexmatters · 27/08/2021 18:44

What a twat. But good on you op for making a stand. It needed to be done because being a SAHP is tough and you are not a ducking maid. He needs to realise that and sharpish.

Lol at shoving his clothes in the dogs bed. Snip a hole in each of his socks next time.

I hope he bucks his ideas up soon. Don't go home until he apologises.

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 27/08/2021 18:44

Well done for taking you and the baby out of harms way.

He seems to want things both ways.

If checking pockets is so easy, why can't he do it?

If it's so hard, then he must understand why you didn't.

Either way, you'll never be doing a bit of his washing again, so it's not a problem.

Sounds like you're better off without him.

RightOnTheEdge · 27/08/2021 18:44

If it's not difficult for you to check then it's not difficult for him to check after you have repeatedly asked him! Angry
What a complete and utter dickhead!

Cuddle up with your baby and put on a good film OP. I'm glad you have your mum's house to escape to Flowers

feelingfree17 · 27/08/2021 18:45

Massive Twat
If you do decide to go back, he will be doing his own washing for the rest of his sorry little life!
Do not back down.

Jemand · 27/08/2021 18:45

Horrible man. Use this time to phone Women's Aid and find out more about your rights.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 27/08/2021 18:45

Yes, he's a twat. The washing is DH's job in our house and I've sometimes left something in a pocket - that's on me, not him. I should remember to check before putting it in the laundry basket.

Longdistance · 27/08/2021 18:47

Has he always been like that?
Love that you dumped his clothes in the dog basket 😂

HemanOrSheRa · 27/08/2021 18:48

Ugh. He sounds awful. Still, he won't have the same issue again because he can do his own fucking washing.

Even my 16 year old son either - manages to check his pockets or accepts things in pockets will be washed. Or does his own laundry!

dancemom · 27/08/2021 18:50

So HE left HIS car keys in HIS pocket and you had already reminded HIM to check them?

And somehow it's your fault?

How hard is it for you to check the pockets before you wash them? Well clearly very difficult since he can't seem to do it either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
PackedUp2 · 27/08/2021 18:50

He's just asked me where I am. Should I tell him? I'm just thinking I've obviously got DS, should I at least tell him he's fine and we're here? Or just ignore? I don't think he'd turn up anyway.

OP posts:
pandora206 · 27/08/2021 18:52

Well damage to the key is a logical consequence of not taking responsibility for his actions. I'd empathise but that would be it. It would be totally irrational to damage your keys OP.

Time for him to start acting like a responsible adult. Perhaps from now on he'd like to do his own washing from now on so it won't happen again - and as things stand he'll be doing it anyway so problem sorted.