AIBU to tell you that my husband is a twat?

[PackedUp2]

Just need to rant sorry!

My husband treats me like a maid there to service him and his needs and I am SICK OF IT.

Tonight's argument - I have asked him so many times to please clear his pockets before he puts things in the washing basket because I don't always have time to go through everything (on maternity with our baby and I'm knackered!). Anyway lo and behold he didn't again and his car key was put through the washing machine 🤷‍♀️ lots of blame on me of course, "is it really so hard to check his pockets for him" etc... Then lots of adamant "you're buying me a new one, you're sorting this out", "where are your keys I'm going to go run them under the tap" etc...

This is just one thing but it's just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I've packed up me and baby whilst he was in the shower and I'm at my mum's house who's on holiday.

I wouldn't even mind if he was like "my keys broken now but I know you told me to check pockets so I'm sorry I forgot" I'd have probably then apologised for not checking as well. But it's the total unwillingness to accept ANY blame. It's all my fault and now I'm apparently definitely paying for a new one for him or he'll wash my car keys as well (his wife on maternity getting next to no money).

I'm sat in my mum's empty house with a crying 6 month old. Happy Friday to me.

What a twat. He text to see where you were but not to ask how you are, apologise or check in on DC. What a fucking twat.

Twat.

He needs reminding what it is to live with other people. He would not be saying this to his mate if his mate washed the keys. It would be swearing from him followed by mate telling him he was knob for leaving them in there. And your DH agreeing.
You are the love oif his life.
If he doesn’t think so he can do one,

Well done op on standing up for yourself. I’d accept him being annoyed, as it’s a pain to rectify but it’s his fault and threatening to run your under the tap is mental. Stay put until you are absolutely happy with his response.

My husband leaves stuff in his pockets occasionally, usually tissues or coins. The tissues disintegrate and cover everything with bits. Takes ages to clean up. Difference is he admits he's a twat when he does it and doesn't expect me to be responsible for his cock ups. Your husband sounds like a really unpleasant man.

@FoxesAtDawn

Don’t tell him where you are but do say you are safe with loved ones and don’t want to talk right now. Then disengage for the night and do something that will make you feel good (I vote Friday night takeaway, a comedy show and a glass of wine).

This ^^ I hope you’re doing this right now

He’s a knobhead. I hate the sound of his bullying tone of telling you that you’ll be paying for the key from your own money because it’s like he’s punishing someone beneath him and marking your dependency on him, instead of treating you as an equal. Sorry he’s been so horrible OP. Tell him you and your baby are fine so he doesn’t worry but don’t tell him where you are. Let him sort his own food / washing etc etc etc now, the CF.

I had one of these and I’ll give you the best piece of advice somebody ever gave me. STOP!

Just stop doing everything. Cooking, cleaning, organising his sad pathetic existence. If he shouts get your son and leave. If he criticises you get your son and leave.

I never name change. I honestly can’t be arsed. If you search back through the random shit I post on here to two years ago I went through hell, living in a situation I now understand was a toxic case of coercive control.

I know it’s against the mumsnet handbook but I didn’t LTB. I gave him 2 options sort himself out or I leave. He thought I was joking. We lived in shit for weeks, I stopped cooking, cleaning and every time he looked at me the wrong way I left. He though he could scream and shout at me until I got back in line. Every time he raised his voice I got in the car and left.

Don’t tell the arsehole where you are. Let him think about the reasons why you got up and left.

My “D” H did change and even though I wouldn’t say we live in wedded bliss I’m relatively happy. Some change when given a choice others don’t but find out one way or another what kind of man he’s going to be.

If it were just the key issue I’d say YAB a bit U.
The fact it’s a pattern and the last straw I say crack on OP.

Let the lazy bully stew.
Don't tell him where you are.
He didn't say sorry or even ask how you both are.
Order a lovely takeaway and have a nice glass of wine.

How is it “so hard” for him to check his bloody pockets but not so hard for you to have to check them?! I would’ve cut some bloody holes in the clean washing and probably put them in the litter box rather than the dog bed!! Is he actually a toddler?!

It would be good, if you did check his pockets before washing, and found a wad of £20 pound notes in them, and then said nothing about it, until he realises that he cant find some money he mislaid. you keep the money, and tell him he may have left money in his pockets, but if so, the money notes would now all be disintegrated in the hot soapy water.so he might well start checking his pockets all the time himself after.

You’re not his slave. Did he not get the memo maternity leave is for caring for baby and recovering from birth / being pregnant?! I have made it crystal clear to my fiancé lm not a laundress or washer woman

I would send him a 1 line text to say you’re both find but that would be it

I'd be tempted to ignore but maybe "DS and I are fine and I will talk to you later"

I'm a big fan of "later"...

Awful. I agree with pps that his threat to damage your key is disturbing and life is too short for a relationship like this.

He is manipulative.

He is a complete nasty twat. I hope you're ok
Did you take the dog with you?

Absolute twat. His own fault. Don't tell him where you are. Fucking arsehole.

Is he like this with other stuff?

He put them in the wash bin . You washed them.
No more to it than that . I hope you are ok .

@BlackeyedSusan

You are doing the right thing to leave the bastard and don't let him hoover you back in.

Post on relationship board and get some good advice there.

This. It might seem awful but the first decision you've made is the correct one so you're heading in the right direction.

You've been wonderfully decisive already, he sounds awful.

Maybe I should be kind and say , he put them in the wash bin accidentally . You washed them accidentally. I hope you are ok.

I'd tell him you've gone away to have a long think about your relationship and whether or not you want to continue to be in it with such a twat. Then hang up.

Tell him you are at a relative’s house.
When you see him again, if you go back, tell him that you won’t be washing his clothes ever again.

where are your keys I'm going to go run them under the tap

Pure vindictive bastardness.

Do not forget that. Ever.

That was not a joke. That was what he thinks of you, when what you are not doing does not align with what he wants.

I don’t think he deserves you, OP. What a childish bully. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

The two of you have only been parents for 6 months and your basic stress level is probably pretty high before anything goes wrong.

Don't decide to leave your DH because some people on Mumsnet who aren't affected by your life decisions egged you on. We all get a strop on and behave unfairly sometimes.

Yes, he was out of order. Yes, he needn't think you'll wash his clothes again until he understands he was out of order and has given a genuine apology.

Anything more serious? Tell him you and DC are safe, sleep on any other decision.