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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell you that my husband is a twat?

228 replies

PackedUp2 · 27/08/2021 18:12

Just need to rant sorry!

My husband treats me like a maid there to service him and his needs and I am SICK OF IT.

Tonight's argument - I have asked him so many times to please clear his pockets before he puts things in the washing basket because I don't always have time to go through everything (on maternity with our baby and I'm knackered!). Anyway lo and behold he didn't again and his car key was put through the washing machine 🤷‍♀️ lots of blame on me of course, "is it really so hard to check his pockets for him" etc... Then lots of adamant "you're buying me a new one, you're sorting this out", "where are your keys I'm going to go run them under the tap" etc...

This is just one thing but it's just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I've packed up me and baby whilst he was in the shower and I'm at my mum's house who's on holiday.

I wouldn't even mind if he was like "my keys broken now but I know you told me to check pockets so I'm sorry I forgot" I'd have probably then apologised for not checking as well. But it's the total unwillingness to accept ANY blame. It's all my fault and now I'm apparently definitely paying for a new one for him or he'll wash my car keys as well (his wife on maternity getting next to no money).

I'm sat in my mum's empty house with a crying 6 month old. Happy Friday to me.

OP posts:
Nomorefuckstogive · 27/08/2021 22:02

The word test is too good for him. He’s a prick.

Nomorefuckstogive · 27/08/2021 22:03

The word *twat - see, autocorrect agrees Grin

NoNoThankYou · 27/08/2021 22:04

Just chiming in here to say what will not be news to you by now: this is totally twattish.

Agree with PPs saying tell him that you and child are OK, but not where you are. Agree with PPs saying you're having a long think about whether and how you want to move forward with this relationship in light of his complete inability to take any sort of personal responsibility and his apparent instinct to blame you for everything that goes wrong. A spouse shouldn't react with recriminations and blame even when you actually do something wrong - it's part of life. They certainly should react with recriminations and blame when they've done something wrong, ffs.

If you feel like doing him a favour (though why would you?), tell him to have a think about what [real life person he genuinely respects and looks up to] would think of him if they heard a recording of the way he'd spoken to you. Would be embarrassed and ashamed? Would the image he likes to present to the world be tarnished? Whose fault would he think that would be?

We all think he's a total cock, if he's curious.

NoNoThankYou · 27/08/2021 22:05

*shouldn't , obviously!

Congressdingo · 27/08/2021 22:09

@DeeplyCheesedOffWithLife

The two of you have only been parents for 6 months and your basic stress level is probably pretty high before anything goes wrong.

Don't decide to leave your DH because some people on Mumsnet who aren't affected by your life decisions egged you on. We all get a strop on and behave unfairly sometimes.

Yes, he was out of order. Yes, he needn't think you'll wash his clothes again until he understands he was out of order and has given a genuine apology.

Anything more serious? Tell him you and DC are safe, sleep on any other decision.

Flowers

Its incredibly common for abusers to ramp up abuse around a birth. This is common abusers tactics. Dont downplay it because you dont know better.
PrincessNutella · 27/08/2021 22:14

Is it really so hard for a grown man to wash his own fucking clothes. Oh pardon me. Is it really so hard for a grown man to put his own fucking clothes into a machine that will wash his clothes for him? I think that Twatty McTwatface can manage that in future.

SharpLily · 27/08/2021 22:21

He sounds awful but there's clearly far more to people and their relationships than the snapshots we see on Mumsnet so LTB is probably a bit strong.

As others have said, you don't want any trouble so let him know you and your child are safe and well and that you're giving him some time to think about his behaviour.

If he can't see where he's in the wrong and doesn't apologise then I think there could be a case for LTB. If and when he does apologise and you return home, definitely make it clear you will no longer be doing his washing and stick to it. He's forfeited his rights to a laundress.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/08/2021 22:25

Well done for removing yourself from the situation and home, so giving yourself time and space to think. That really is the important thing. You thinking about your situation. Not any old opinions from us off the internet.

BuckarooWithBruceGrobelaar · 27/08/2021 22:34

Sounds like the kind of childish and vindictive shit my ex would pull. This thread had reminded me of the time he broke my hairdryer so I couldn't dry my hair because he didn't want me to go out with friends. Wiped the smile right off his face when he came in and found me using the one I'd borrowed of one of his neighbours still went on to have a child with him though

SamanthaJayne4 · 27/08/2021 22:40

You are quite right not to check someone else's pockets - I don't either and my family knows I won't. I'm glad you've got somewhere to go either short term or whatever you decide OP.

LagunaBubbles · 27/08/2021 22:40

What are you with someone like this?

LagunaBubbles · 27/08/2021 22:40

Why!

SmashingBlouson · 27/08/2021 22:42

My other half (if he doesn't leave his clothes on the floor), usually doesn't empty his pockets, so they get emptied in to his side of the bed. I've basically told him if he wants me to wash anything it needs to be in the laundry basket and can't complain if I don't wash it if it isn't. I prioritise everyone else's laundry over his too, so it's up to him if he can't be bothered.

He was a twat, but not worth falling out in the long term over if this is a one-off, but I would make it clear he can't behave like that when you do see him next.

Rainbowqueeen · 27/08/2021 22:58

Op I hope you are reflecting on the whole relationship. You say in your op that you are at home on maternity leave on very little money. That’s not right either. This is about more than laundry.

Stay away as long as you need to think.

But don’t accept this second class treatment any more. A married couple should be a team. Yes you are contributing differently at the moment with him working outside the home and you looking after your joint ds but both your contributions are necessary and valuable. And both should be appreciated. And you should have equal leisure time and equal access to the family income
Sleep well and best wishes

Needapoodle · 27/08/2021 23:04

I'm very impressed that you've been proactive and gone elsewhere for the night. Id text back and tell him you and baby are safe and you're thinking about whether you want to continue the relationship. Then turn phone off.

Babyjune21 · 27/08/2021 23:17

He’s a test , hopefully you get baby down ok and you can cozy up in bed knowing you don’t deserve to be treated that way x

Babyjune21 · 27/08/2021 23:17

He’s a twat that was meant to say lol

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 27/08/2021 23:23

No he's not a twat, he's a cunt.

Summerbreeze4 · 27/08/2021 23:27

OMG don’t spend another day with that twat.

You have to check HIS pockets because he forgot but you can’t forget.

It’s your fault he can’t empty his pockets and you kindly do HIS washing.

He is going to make YOU pay and the vindictive shit is going to purposely ruin your car keys because you didn’t know HE hadn’t emptied his pockets,

Do not tell him where you are, make him worry, you owe him nothing. He is an abuser and you should never spend another day with tgat twat ever again. Do not go back to him, he is nasty.

Ellie56 · 27/08/2021 23:31

@PackedUp2

Part of me feels like just continuing to fold up his dirty clothes and put them back in his drawers from now on see how long until he notices.
Why bother folding them and putting them in the drawers? Just leave them where he's left them or in the laundry basket.

And yes he is a massive twat. You deserve better.

PopcornMuncher · 27/08/2021 23:33

Stay at your mums and have a very good think about going back to someone who abuses you.

And yes you are correct. He is a twat. I wouldn't tell him where you are either. I wouldn't put it past him to turn up and cause trouble. He sounds pretty spiteful. Tell him you're safe but you're not coming home for now after his performance. Also agree about turning off your phone.

Wanker can wash his own fucking clothes

WaterIsBest · 27/08/2021 23:38

I do my fil laundry.

He never empties his pockets

I refuse to check…

He wants me to do his laundry, his responsibility to empty his pockets !!!

WaterIsBest · 27/08/2021 23:39

He always leaves his medication in his pockets

Not my issue!

WaterIsBest · 27/08/2021 23:40

I would text ‘We are fine, Have a great weekend’

Rainbowsew · 27/08/2021 23:42

That's the last item of his you ever wash, EVER again. The man needs to grow up!

Go home, it's not you and the baby who should've leaving the house.

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