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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell you that my husband is a twat?

228 replies

PackedUp2 · 27/08/2021 18:12

Just need to rant sorry!

My husband treats me like a maid there to service him and his needs and I am SICK OF IT.

Tonight's argument - I have asked him so many times to please clear his pockets before he puts things in the washing basket because I don't always have time to go through everything (on maternity with our baby and I'm knackered!). Anyway lo and behold he didn't again and his car key was put through the washing machine 🤷‍♀️ lots of blame on me of course, "is it really so hard to check his pockets for him" etc... Then lots of adamant "you're buying me a new one, you're sorting this out", "where are your keys I'm going to go run them under the tap" etc...

This is just one thing but it's just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I've packed up me and baby whilst he was in the shower and I'm at my mum's house who's on holiday.

I wouldn't even mind if he was like "my keys broken now but I know you told me to check pockets so I'm sorry I forgot" I'd have probably then apologised for not checking as well. But it's the total unwillingness to accept ANY blame. It's all my fault and now I'm apparently definitely paying for a new one for him or he'll wash my car keys as well (his wife on maternity getting next to no money).

I'm sat in my mum's empty house with a crying 6 month old. Happy Friday to me.

OP posts:
hettysfeather · 27/08/2021 19:41

Yes what a twat. He sounds very spiteful.

GettingItOutThere · 27/08/2021 19:41

tell him where you are OP and why you left.

he is a twat and needs a kick up the arse!

justthecat · 27/08/2021 19:43

Mine left a pen in work trousers and ruined my best duvet cover I’ve ever had and shrugged his shoulders when I told him.
I’m now playing the long game.
Good on for throwing his stuff In the dog bed 😂

EmmaMY · 27/08/2021 19:43

Definitely not ok, but if you are going back to him there is a pretty easy fix to this specific issue. Just don’t do his laundry! Do your own and DS’s and leave the rest. No need to tell him, just stop doing it, he will realise once he runs out of socks!

DrSbaitso · 27/08/2021 19:45

You need to do more than just rant. He's only going to get worse with time.

PalmsandCharms · 27/08/2021 19:50

Sounds like my ex. Can't take an ounce of responsibility. It was even my fault that he stuck his dick in anything that moved 😂

Bertiebassetsbabe · 27/08/2021 19:58

@Penistoe

I would text him as if you are missing with the baby he may contact your mum and worry her. A simple me and the baby are fine. I am fed up with being treated like a maid and spoken to like you did. I am taking some time to re-evaluate the relationship and decide what I want to do.

Then order takeaway and ignore.

I’d follow this advice.
Xtraincome · 27/08/2021 19:58

Stay at mums for now.

Just tell him you need space and time to think.

Really think hard about what you want from your relationship. He needs to pull his weight- 50/50 or it's a no go. Has he done anything like this before?

Hopeisnotastrategy · 27/08/2021 20:01

He sounds like a dick. I'm guessing he's got form.

You did exactly the right thing for now, tell him you are both OK and then block. Have a nice relaxing evening,

TwooThirty · 27/08/2021 20:10

is it really so hard to check his pockets for him
Is he really asking this when he obviously finds it impossible to do himself?

What a knob. Don’t do his washing again.

ejhhhhh · 27/08/2021 20:11

Leaving his keys in his pockets is of course forgivable, we've all done stuff like that. But his reaction is not, he sounds like an awful bully.

MeridianB · 27/08/2021 20:11

His response was really horrible. And if it’s the latest of a relationship full of these then no wonder you’re totally fed up.

Stay put at your mums and try to get some headspace. 💐

CambsAlways · 27/08/2021 20:12

He’s a total moron

littlepinkwinky · 27/08/2021 20:13

Twattattytwattwattwat. AND a fruitcake.

Stay strong.

scarpa · 27/08/2021 20:13

Threatening to damage your stuff because of an accident he caused, despite being warned how to be a real adult is... a huge red flag.

I'm sorry you're upset, OP, and I hope you and the wee one will be alright tonight... But I think you're right to have left. It speaks volumes about how he sees you - doesn't listen, expects you to do basic things for him, gets angry at you when he's fucked up, threatens to damage your belonging as punishment. What a colossal fucking prick. You deserve better Flowers

MrsRobbieHart · 27/08/2021 20:15

Why do men behave like this?!

Because they weren’t set straight the first time they tried it, or the second or the third….

BrilloPaddy · 27/08/2021 20:19

DH had a hissy about something in the wash. Hence he now does his own.

You've got a young baby, and you've made the somewhat fatal error of acting like mum to your DH as well. Time to stop, and make him act like the adult that he is. And he seriously needs to learn some respect.

WinterSunglasses · 27/08/2021 20:24

Say you're staying with someone you know and you don't want to speak to him right now. As long as he knows baby is safe that's enough.

MusicTeacherSussex · 27/08/2021 20:26

Wow
My DP got shitty with me once for not emptying his pockets. Here's how it went by the way.

  1. ask DP to remove dirty jeans from floor and put in washing basket if he wants them washed.

  2. I threaten to bin them if no.1 doesn't happen before the Friday wash.

  3. Jeans appear in wash basket, so proceed to Friday wash.

  4. it transpired that wallet was left in said jeans. Money and cards thoroughly washed and need careful drying or replacing. Leather wallet worse for wear.

  5. DP gets shirty.

  6. I decide to wash my own clothes ONLY until he can understand that he is not a year 3 and can empty his pockets and put his washing away.

  7. DP quickly runs out of clothes and decides to do a wash himself, not emptying his pockets and rewashing his entire wallet as well as receipts, tissues and other items of import.

  8. DP now contributes equally to washing labour, costs, hanging, putting away, doesn't leave on floor and certainly empties his pockets like a good lad.

ArrrMeHearties · 27/08/2021 20:28

Your right packedup2 your husband is an epic epic twat and his car key's demise was totally his own doing through his own stupidness not to check his pockets

EmoIsntDead · 27/08/2021 20:29

If my husband talked to me like that I’d be telling him to get to fuck.

Thebookswereherfriends · 27/08/2021 20:29

Tell him where you are and tell him exactly why you have left. I would also inform him that as he clearly feels you don’t do the washing correctly he can now do all his own washing.

Bollindger · 27/08/2021 20:34

The best sentence I ever got off mums net was this.
Thank you for telling me that, I won't ever do it again!

BECASUE you can now do your own washing as you think I don't do it properly.

Wynston · 27/08/2021 20:35

He cant come anyway op you washed his keys!!hehe!!
I would message to say you are both safe.
Then I would order takeaway and turn off my phone. Xxx

Rosebel · 27/08/2021 20:37

I wouldn't tell him where you are, although he probably knows but let him know you and the baby are safe.
Don't tell him why you left either. Let him work out what a twat he's been. Take this time to think things through. You don't have to go back to him.

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