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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex won’t let me move away

157 replies

Fomo41 · 27/08/2021 17:57

I’ve always wanted to live in the countryside-always. I’d love to move just over an hour away from where I live now. Problem is, my ex says he’ll stop me as we have 2 DC together and says ‘he has things in place legally to prevent the move’. Can he actually stop me? It would be England to wales but only an hour or so drive

OP posts:
Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 27/08/2021 18:00

He can go to court and get a prohibited steps order. They will look at what is in the best interests of the children. If he is actively and regularly involved in their lives, such as every other weekend and a school drop off and pick up he has a strong case. You'd have to really prove how it would benefit and enhance your childrens lives to move them such a distance from their Dad.

LittleMysSister · 27/08/2021 18:06

I didn't think that you could stop someone moving within the same country, especially such a short distance? Although I don't know whether England to Wales will affect that.

How often does he have your children? Can he continue that even after your move?

If he currently has them during the week I guess that is a big issue as he probably wouldn't be able to continue that if it made the next morning's school run a 2+ hour round trip for him before work.

HugeAckmansWife · 27/08/2021 18:06

I doubt he'd succeed via court if the distance is an hour only, unless he is an almost daily part of their life. Other than 'the countryside' though, what would be your reasons, affordability? Family support? Work? I moved considerably further from my ex for those reasons.. He didn't object.. I think it suited him to blame me for his lack of involvement (which he'd already established before I moved) 🙄

Rosiiiiie · 27/08/2021 18:09

Mm nope he can’t stop you. Happened to my partner. Ex moved 4 hours away.

thenewduchessofhastings · 27/08/2021 18:10

What are your custody arrangements with him?

tiredanddangerous · 27/08/2021 18:14

He could try and stop you by taking you to court. He's not likely to succeed if it's only an hour away though.

You would need to do the driving back and forth to facilitate contact though I imagine.

titchy · 27/08/2021 18:15

If you can demonstrate the move is beneficial for the children (schools sorted, work for you sorted, nearer family, better standard of living etc) and contact with their father won't be overall reduced (maybe changed if existing arrangement not practical) then he'd have a weak case for preventing the children (note them, not you) moving.

GinIronic · 27/08/2021 18:17

It's an hour away. Not Australia. He can't stop you.

Threearm · 27/08/2021 18:17

An hour wouldn't be an issue so he'd be foolish to bother with court. It tends to be more an issue if it creates a barrier to contact, can't be compensated for and isn't really in their interests

Just10moreminutesplease · 27/08/2021 18:18

Even if he can’t stop you, would it be in your children’s best interest to move?

I know having my parents live near each other was incredibly important to me. It made having a good relationship with my dad much easier and it allowed me to see my friends/attend clubs regardless of which house I was at.

Unless there’s a huge backstory about him being abusive I wouldn’t do it.

Lockheart · 27/08/2021 18:24

Yes, he could potentially stop you, but it's not a given.

Please speak to a real life solicitor, MN isn't usually great for legal advice.

DDIJ · 27/08/2021 18:36

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 27/08/2021 18:38

He can certainly go to court and try but he doesn't have anything legally in place right now. I guarantee it!

Kithic · 27/08/2021 18:40

What access does he have currently

AmandaHoldensLips · 27/08/2021 18:40

He can't stop you moving. His argument is nonsense.

Theunamedcat · 27/08/2021 18:42

My ex does this two basically made me stay where I was or threatened me with court and taking the kids 50/50 he was and still is abusive so I didnt move now HE has moved away

Theunamedcat · 27/08/2021 18:42

Too 🙄 not two

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 27/08/2021 18:42

@AmandaHoldensLips

He can't stop you moving. His argument is nonsense.
He potentially can if he takes op to court
Chloemol · 27/08/2021 18:43

I wouldn’t think he can stop you moving an hour away. But you will end up doing the dropping off and picking up of the kids

dworky · 27/08/2021 18:50

Well he's obviously lying about having things in place.
I would go ahead if I were you.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 27/08/2021 18:57

He can’t stop you moving. He could stop you taking the kids if he could argue that it isn’t in their best interests as it would interfere with their change to spend time with him.

It really depends on your current residence arrangements - every other weekend and you are willing to do all the driving back - not a chance. If he has them 50:50 and is currently taking / picking up from school regularly them I think he has more chance - especially if you want to change their school.

icedcoffees · 27/08/2021 19:08

@AmandaHoldensLips

He can't stop you moving. His argument is nonsense.
Yes, technically he can.

He can apply for a prohibited steps order, and may well be successful if OP is planning on moving to a different country.

GinIronic · 27/08/2021 19:20

Is Wales not part of the UK?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/08/2021 19:20

I personally know 2 Dads that went to court for this very reason. One failed and their ex took the children a very long way away, although both children moved back to be with their Dad one aged about 13 and one at 17.

The other case the dad was successful in getting an order that his ex could only move within 10 miles

beigebrownblue · 27/08/2021 19:21

I think the key is

ex saying 'he has things in place...'

No. Obviously he doesn't.

Otherwise he would provide you with the relevant paperwork.

It's a threat. And abusive actually as it is a threat.

Designed to make you feel afraid of making a new life for yourself.

Don't let it.