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Original poster

Ex won’t let me move away

157 replies

Fomo41 · 27/08/2021 17:57

I’ve always wanted to live in the countryside-always. I’d love to move just over an hour away from where I live now. Problem is, my ex says he’ll stop me as we have 2 DC together and says ‘he has things in place legally to prevent the move’. Can he actually stop me? It would be England to wales but only an hour or so drive

OP posts:
Funnylittlefloozie · 27/08/2021 19:27

How much contact does he have currently, OP? If he has genuine 50/50 care, does half of all school drop offs and pick ups, has them every other weekend, half the holidays, etc, then I think moving an hour away is a bit off. I bet that isn't the case though....

Driftingblue · 27/08/2021 19:33

He should have a solicitor ready to file in court to prevent you from moving the children. He can also petition for primary custody. This would free you to move without them and you could have visitation. Once it gets to court it will be up to a judge if you get to move the children or not. He can argue for consistency of schools, contact with existing friends and family, and the children’s ability to have a close involved relationship with their father. If you do get permission to move them, he can ask that you do all the traveling and cover all expenses. He may not be granted these things, but he can ask and in some circumstances they are given.

Original poster
Fomo41 · 27/08/2021 19:44

I hate this. He controlled every aspect of my life for a decade and now he’s potentially controlling me still.
He has the children 50/50 ish. But I’ve had them 90% of the summer holidays. I don’t want to live near him now. He’s a parasite and is nasty toward me now.
I’m pregnant again and he’s taken it badly

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 27/08/2021 19:46

@GinIronic

Is Wales not part of the UK?
Yes, but it's still a separate country to England, which could end up being a problem as the children could end up moving to a whole new school system etc.
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 27/08/2021 19:51

@Fomo41

I hate this. He controlled every aspect of my life for a decade and now he’s potentially controlling me still. He has the children 50/50 ish. But I’ve had them 90% of the summer holidays. I don’t want to live near him now. He’s a parasite and is nasty toward me now. I’m pregnant again and he’s taken it badly
He's probably got a decent chance if he has them close to 50/50.
HugeAckmansWife · 27/08/2021 19:52

If he has 50/50 that is quite a bit trickier unfortunately. It sucks that he is a twat to you but he's their dad and it makes it more likely a court might prevent a move.. Though why did he not have 50/50 in the holidays? It shouldn't be pick and choose.

Buttons294749 · 27/08/2021 19:53

The things is it's your kids that matter not what you want and with 50/50 or thereabouts they would miss out (although I believe you that he is a dick and commiserate for that). Surely you don't need to move an hour to be in that country if you're on the Wales side of England, if you're in say Worcester there's lots of lovely villages nearby

KikoLemons · 27/08/2021 19:53

But what is best for your children?

QueenBee52 · 27/08/2021 19:53

Doesn't sound like 50/50 if you have had them the entire Summer Confused

shouldistop · 27/08/2021 19:54

Would your children be happy living over an hour away from their dad?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2021 19:54

He could take you to court, yes, but as others have said, he can’t have things legally in place beforehand. He may or may not be able to stop you, but more likely than be able to prevent you moving is that he might be able to argue that he should be resident parent, and keep them at the same school, with you having them on EOW or similar. Not a given either but something to consider.

I would quite like to move away from where I live but have accepted that it would be thought in the children’s best interests to be near their dad. And as teen Dd doesn’t want to move away from her friends I’d be in danger of her living with him full time.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2021 19:55

I hate the fact that I live near my exh to of that helps.

Whydidimarryhim · 27/08/2021 19:55

If he’s abusive verbally to you can you get your partner or someone else to hand children over? You need minimal contact and look up Grey Rock technique. How old are your children?

icedcoffees · 27/08/2021 19:56

@QueenBee52

Doesn't sound like 50/50 if you have had them the entire Summer Confused
50/50 doesn't have to mean every other week.

It could work out as 50/50 over the course of the year.

HelpMetoExplaintoher · 27/08/2021 19:57

My ExH has DD EOW for 1 night only and our court order says we have to live within 15 minute drive of him unless he agrees for us to move further away.

I'd love to move but I can't, it sucks Sad

Original poster
Fomo41 · 30/08/2021 08:06

@QueenBee52 @icedcoffees no, this won’t be spread out over the year 🙄

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 30/08/2021 08:13

How old are your children OP?

Iwonder08 · 30/08/2021 08:18

OP, it is unfortunate he is controlling and I can see how it is unpleasant to you, however you share children with this man and he is equal parent. You shouldn't move the kids even if the court will allow it.

Goldbar · 30/08/2021 08:31

How old are the kids?

alwayswrighty · 30/08/2021 08:46

Best advice I can give you is get legal advice. My ex has residence because although he initially agreed after my new job started and I'd exchanged on my new home in the new area he put in an emergency prohibitive steps order and child arrangement order.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 30/08/2021 08:46

What's the attraction of moving op (other than to get away from him?)?

If you're moving for a better job, for proximity to family for support, better schools/opportunities for the dc, then you could have a good case for moving, and a judge may agree to the move if he submits s prohibited steps order (which, yes, he reasonably could if he has the kids 50/50 over the year).

He cannot, under any circumstances stop YOU from moving, but he can prevent to from taking the kids on a whim just to get away from him. How old are the dc?, remember that eventually their opinions will carry weight in court, and eventually they will move out on their own, giving you no excuse not to move in a few years.

KimDeals · 30/08/2021 08:51

PLEASE get legal advice. There’s some misinformed stuff on here.

He can refuse to authorise a change in school also, making it impossible for you to move.

brittleheadgirl · 30/08/2021 08:57

@Fomo41

I hate this. He controlled every aspect of my life for a decade and now he’s potentially controlling me still. He has the children 50/50 ish. But I’ve had them 90% of the summer holidays. I don’t want to live near him now. He’s a parasite and is nasty toward me now. I’m pregnant again and he’s taken it badly
How would he get the dc to and from school everyday etc if it's a 2 hour round trip? I totally understand your reasons for wanting to move away but my own dc had to cope with their dad moving away and they only saw him once a month (or less) They hated all the travelling and it caused real problems Sad
Original poster
Fomo41 · 30/08/2021 11:00

They are 7 and 10.
The area we live in is riddled with crime and antisocial behaviour a d is only getting worse. We have a holiday home near to where I’d like to move, and it’s a much more pleasant area with significantly less crime.
I don’t want my children to grow up in an area that they don’t feel safe, falling in with the wrong crowd(which I know can happen anywhere, but the chances increase in a very built up area like the one we live in currently).
I want their childhoods to be happy and worry-free, not having police sirens waking them in the night, neighbours wielding machetes at eachother.

OP posts:
helentomelon · 30/08/2021 11:05

He could actually have a case. He's having them 50/50. He gets a say.

Are they settled and happy at school? Any issues there that could work in your favour? Do you have a support network in the new location? Family etc.?

Does he work long hours?

You need to have a strong case put forward as to why moving schools and taking them away from a parent they're used to spending half the week with.

It won't be enough to list what could be seen as snobby reasons why your new location is preferable.

I'm actually in agreement with you but there is a battle for you to fight unfortunately