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Original poster

Ex won’t let me move away

157 replies

Fomo41 · 27/08/2021 17:57

I’ve always wanted to live in the countryside-always. I’d love to move just over an hour away from where I live now. Problem is, my ex says he’ll stop me as we have 2 DC together and says ‘he has things in place legally to prevent the move’. Can he actually stop me? It would be England to wales but only an hour or so drive

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/08/2021 12:59

His threat is controlling

How is it? If he was resident parent but she had the kids 50/50 ish, and he decided to move the kids an hour away from her, would you think she was being controlling to tell him she was going to court to prevent this happening?

If someone tried to move my children an hour away from me, you’d better believe I’d come out fighting.

DDIJ · 30/08/2021 13:02

This reply has been withdrawn

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QueenBee52 · 30/08/2021 13:07

@DDIJ

The controlling aspect comes from telling the OP he already has something in place. This is a lie.

Yip...

let him go to Court OP 🌸

MattyGroves · 30/08/2021 13:17

Surely there is some compromise option like moving half an hour in the direction that you like?

It's not practical for parents who share 50:50 care to be an hour apart.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2021 13:18

Maybe the something in place is court agreed split residency.

PurpleOkapi · 30/08/2021 13:21

If he has a court order entitling him to 50/50 custody, that would be "something in place."

AhNowTed · 30/08/2021 13:24

@PurpleOkapi

If he has a court order entitling him to 50/50 custody, that would be "something in place."

Exactly.

Nothing remotely controlling about a father wanting equal access rights to his own children.

If this was the father moving the children everyone would be up in arms.

TeacupDrama · 30/08/2021 13:28

I think you would definitely be allowed to move a short distance provided contact was maintained unless , if you are an hous drive from Wales you could definitely be in the countryside probably within 15 minutes of where you currently live or certainly a better area. I think it is highly unlikely a judge would stop you moving a 15 to maybe 30 minute drive away however an hour is a different ball game when it is daily or most days an hour if it was settled EOW would be ok

Sometimes moving even a couple of miles will change the area significantly

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2021 13:30

I wonder if the father of the new baby is living an hour away in Wales…

LeonieSims · 30/08/2021 13:32

I want to do the same. 50-60 mins on train (think London to lower Sussex type of distance).

Her dad is homeless and staying with friends. Was abusive. Has supervised contact with a family member (could continue with move).

It's a nicer area and I will have a house with a garden and be closed to my family. DD would have her own bedroom which she doesn't currently have.

He says he will take me to court Sad

NailsNeedDoing · 30/08/2021 13:36

You probably don’t have to move a whole hour away to get away from a bad neighbourhood.

Be honest about whether this would be a move for you you and your new partners benefits or a move for your children’s benefit. I can’t see it being for your children’s benefit if they are spending 50/50 with their Dad. It will be much harder for them to have an easy relationship with him where they can see him when they want as they get older if you’re that far away. But, I might be projecting here because as an adult I still resent my mums choice to move me an hour away from my dad when I was around the same age as your dc. It was entirely selfish on her part, despite all the reasons she came up with (and still does) about why it would be better for me.

saladcreamandegg · 30/08/2021 13:37

@LeonieSims you situations are completely different. OP's ex has 50/50 contact. The op's move eod completely change the fathers contact with his children.
If you move but can still attend the supervised visits then the impact of you moving doesn't change for your ex. It would be you that needed to ensure the visits continued though.

nugget396 · 30/08/2021 13:39

Legally you can move anywhere within the jurisdiction of England and Wales. But that’s without a prohibited steps order in place.

So in this instance, I was living in London and wanted to relocate with my young child closer to my family in South West (approx 1.5hrs away). He was/is financially and emotionally abusive, and we were isolated in London with no family support. My solicitor advised me to move without telling him, as it would be easier to deal with retrospectively. Legally I would be doing nothing wrong, so I did move and told him via email on the day after we had moved. I had a removals company pack up and bring everything to us the same day we moved. I have never prevented or restricted access. Had I told him I wanted to move, he would have applied for a prohibited steps order that 1) would have meant I couldn’t move until we had the outcome, and 2) if granted by the Judge it would have stopped me from moving.

In your circumstances it sounds like you’d be better off moving without giving him advance notice. Legally you can do so, though morally it might feel a bit questionable. A judge cannot order you to move back.

My solicitor recently experienced a case where the mother wanted to move from Gloucester to Cambridgeshire to be closer to her family and support network, the ex husband/father applied for a prohibited steps order and it was awarded, meaning she couldn’t move. It doesn’t happen all too often but it can and does happen.

PurpleOkapi · 30/08/2021 13:39

@AnneLovesGilbert

I wonder if the father of the new baby is living an hour away in Wales…
I had the same thought. I assumed the new partner is the one who owns the holiday home in Wales. If OP was so concerned about her children living in an unsafe area, buying something safer nearby would have been a much better use of that money than buying a holiday home in Wales or anywhere else.
saladcreamandegg · 30/08/2021 13:42

Quite frankly @nugget396 I think the fact that a mother can do that to a father who is so involved in the raising of the children, as ops ex is, is disgusting.

nugget396 · 30/08/2021 13:43

@2ndtimemum2

Op if you do move which is possible as its an only hour the big issue is you will be responsible for all the commuting for your ex to see the kids!!! It will be your responsibility to drop and pick up as you made the choice to move. If speak from experience with the courts
This isn’t entirely true. I chose to move away, but don’t have access to a vehicle so cannot be ordered to do drop offs and collections.
DDIJ · 30/08/2021 13:44

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nugget396 · 30/08/2021 13:44

@saladcreamandegg

Quite frankly *@nugget396* I think the fact that a mother can do that to a father who is so involved in the raising of the children, as ops ex is, is disgusting.
You’re entitled to your opinion. I think it’s quite important that people are not ordered to live in one particular location for 18 years..
saladcreamandegg · 30/08/2021 13:44

@nugget396 so you all but removed your kids from their fathers life. Brilliant.

saladcreamandegg · 30/08/2021 13:47

@nugget396 I think children have 2 parents and when you have them you are entering an understanding that for the next 18 years, unless unsafe for the children, you put that first and parent together. If the father had done that to you there would be uproar.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 30/08/2021 13:48

Those telling you he can’t stop you moving are technically correct. He can’t stop you moving. But he can apply to the Court for a prohibited steps order in respect of the children; to prevent them from moving. The welfare of the children will be the paramount consideration for the Judge. I can’t tell you what the outcome would be, but I can say that you might struggle to persuade a court to permit the children to be disrupted if it appears that the present arrangements are working well for them.

MaryTalbot · 30/08/2021 13:50

@LeonieSims

I want to do the same. 50-60 mins on train (think London to lower Sussex type of distance).

Her dad is homeless and staying with friends. Was abusive. Has supervised contact with a family member (could continue with move).

It's a nicer area and I will have a house with a garden and be closed to my family. DD would have her own bedroom which she doesn't currently have.

He says he will take me to court Sad

Go do it. Courts would have to have a good reason to stop you.
PurpleOkapi · 30/08/2021 13:52

Drop-offs and pick-ups aren't the main problem here. That would be one or two trips per week, which would be manageable if OP was willing to do it. The problem is that the children will be an hour away from their school while with one parent or the other. That's two trips per day (one to drop off at school, and another to pick up). That's four hours of driving per day just to get them to school and back, and they need to go to school five days per week.

AhNowTed · 30/08/2021 13:53

@saladcreamandegg

Quite frankly *@nugget396* I think the fact that a mother can do that to a father who is so involved in the raising of the children, as ops ex is, is disgusting.

Me too. Disgraceful.

PurpleOkapi · 30/08/2021 13:54

@nugget396

No one's being required to live in any particular location. But why should one parent's desire to move far away be more important than the other parent's desire to see their own children? Should Parent A be required to follow Parent B around the country - or the world - just to see their children regularly? And if so, isn't that requiring them to live in whatever particular location Parent A has chosen? I just don't see how that's better.