Page 5 | To leave my children in the house for 2ish hours in the early evenings at 14 and 11?

schoolsoutforever · 2021-08-27T12:16:32+00:00

Hello, my first time actually creating a thread but I would appreciate reasonable opinions. Up until now I haven't really left my children often on their own but recently the older child has been in the house for a while (few hours) on her own and the younger for short periods (45 mins ish). My husband and I would enjoy early evening drinks in the pub (approx 5ish - 7ish). Would we be unfair leaving them to do this? My daughter is 14 in a week, son 11.5. The pub is less than 5 mins walk. We would be having max two drinks. So AIBU?

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 27/08/2021 15:44

When I was 11 my parents trusted me to hold the fort with my 8-year-old and 6-year-old siblings the occasional Friday night when they went out to dinner in the neighbourhood. I was in charge of putting my siblings to bed at 8, and then I was allowed to stay up and read or watch TV until they came home around 10. I loved the responsibility and it was also great bonding with my siblings. I definitely intend to do the same with my kids. (Although thus far whenever my 4-year-old DD asks me if she can bring her two little brothers to the park by herself my answer has been a resounding no! 😝)

daisypond · 27/08/2021 15:44

Look, it’s fine to go. I can’t see any appeal of going to sit in a pub, so maybe I’m missing something. A restaurant, the cinema, a pool tournament in the pub, anything else, all fine. The pub is fine too - it just seems a bit weird to me.

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 15:45

@PlanDeRaccordement but surely wherever the parents were you'd want the 14 year old to phone 999 first in an emergency?

The alcohol or lack of makes 0 difference.

"Oh mom and dad have popped out to parents evening. They haven't been drinking so I'll call them before the fire service - see what they recommend I do about this house fire"----

Abraxan · 27/08/2021 15:45

@PlanDeRaccordement

YANBU to leave a 14yo babysitting an 11yo so long as you pay them. Especially since you will both be drinking, the 14yo will have to be extra responsible about dialing 999 in an emergency.

How incapable do you think the parents will be after a couple of hours in a pub together, at 5pm?! I don't know about you but I'm very capable of going to a pub and not getting drunk in a couple of hours early evening! After a drink or two I'd be perfectly capable of dealing with an emergency!

For goodness sake, my own 19y had to deal with a medical emergency for her friend after a whole afternoon/evening drinking at 1am in a nightclub. She managed perfectly well to get medical help, deal with the ambulance crew, get her friend to a safe place where she wouldn't get hurt, etc. If she can do that after a few hours drinking in the middle of the night I am quite sure the op and her dh will be very capable of dealing with an issue after being in a pub for an hour or two!

Also, the pub is only 5 minutes away.

And the 14y isn't babysitting.
Both children are secondary school age and capable of being left alone for a couple of hours.
The 14y does not need paying to stay home doing their own thing for a couple of hours once in a while.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2021 15:46

[quote girlmom21]@PlanDeRaccordement but surely wherever the parents were you'd want the 14 year old to phone 999 first in an emergency?

The alcohol or lack of makes 0 difference.

"Oh mom and dad have popped out to parents evening. They haven't been drinking so I'll call them before the fire service - see what they recommend I do about this house fire"---- [/quote]
Agree. But since pub is only a 5 minute walk away and they’ve never left their DCs home alone before, I thought it worth mentioning that they need to tell their 14yo about calling emergency numbers. Properly prepare the 14yo to be babysitting. Otherwise the child might think that running to the pub is appropriate action.....

Abraxan · 27/08/2021 15:48

Surely any child should know to call i99 in an emergency. Noone leaves that bit of essential teaching til a child is 14y do they? We teach 4y in reception about 999 and it's uses. Most already know. I'd be very concerned that any NT 14y didn't understand how to call 999.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2021 15:49

@Abraxan
A 14yo is also capable of calling 999 in an emergency. I know this from experience as I babysat from age 11 for various families.

I’m not sure why you are saying a child should call their parents first in an emergency? That wastes time.

ForensicFlossy · 27/08/2021 15:49

This is the funniest post ever. Some of the responses are batshit. And guess what? I am about to leave my 14 &11 year old to go to the pub with my dh!

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2021 15:50

@Abraxan

Surely any child should know to call i99 in an emergency. Noone leaves that bit of essential teaching til a child is 14y do they? We teach 4y in reception about 999 and it's uses. Most already know. I'd be very concerned that any NT 14y didn't understand how to call 999.

Best not to assume....best to have a chat with child beforehand. Make sure they are comfortable and feel capable of calling 999 by themselves.

fizbosshoes · 27/08/2021 15:50

I mean that the 14yo should be able to call 999 in an emergency FIRST because running to the pub or trying to contact a parent can waste valuable time. Especially since parents are having a drink so wouldn’t be safe to drive. I would not want anyone whose been drinking to drive? And there’s nothing wrong with having a drink either...just be sure to let 14yo know to call 999.

But I dont understand what this has got to do with them being in the pub? Ideally the 14 year old should be able to call 999 (in the rare event of an emergency...at any time they were alone) but if parents are 5 min away (in the pub) they may well be able to offer more assistance than if they were half an hour away at work for example.
They wouldnt neccessarily be able to drive but I'm not sure they will be incoherent or unable to assess or explain a situation on the phone!

Abraxan · 27/08/2021 15:50

And the 11y should also know how to do this too. I mean, what happens if it is the 14y who has this emergency situation? Does the 'babysitting' money then have to go to the 11y as they're the one doing the 999 call?

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/08/2021 15:51

Personally I say it was OK.

However my ex had a go at me for getting my 14 nearly 15 year old dd to baby sit her 10 year old sister for a 3 hour work shift so what do I know.

There's an hour gap between when he gets home and when I have to go to work ( I'm.part time its 2 maybe 3 times a week ) after school. I dont think he's happy abiut that either. However hasn't exactly come up with a solution

Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/08/2021 15:51

I ran away to my local once
The kids were being utter shits
It's at the end of my road
DH worked out where I'd escaped to and am and joined me
We were barley five minutes into our drink when DD appeared by our table and asked us what did we think we were doing and was this appropriate behaviour on a school night
She was 8 at the time
We apologised for our very naughty behaviour, finished our drinks and went home
Amazingly our house had not burnt down and no one died
DD now works at said local and still tells drinkers off for misbehaving

Abraxan · 27/08/2021 15:52

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@Abraxan
A 14yo is also capable of calling 999 in an emergency. I know this from experience as I babysat from age 11 for various families.

I’m not sure why you are saying a child should call their parents first in an emergency? That wastes time.[/quote]
I have never said any one should call a parent first before calling 999!
Both children, and Infact ALL children, should be shown how to use 999 for emergencies.

Has anyone actually suggested calling a parent first?

PinkBathroom · 27/08/2021 15:52

I was babysitting until the wee hours at 14. It's fine, go have fun.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2021 15:53

And the 14y isn't babysitting. Both children are secondary school age and capable of being left alone for a couple of hours. The 14y does not need paying to stay home doing their own thing for a couple of hours once in a while.

I disagree with this as the eldest of a large family. I was expected to babysit my siblings for free and to even cancel paying babysitting jobs to do so. It’s not fair to whoever is oldest and thus responsible to not pay them for babysitting. If you wouldn’t leave the 11yo by themselves, then it’s babysitting.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/08/2021 15:54

I have four children
The eldest is mid twenties
None have ever had need to call 999
Where are all these posters living whose kids are constantly needing to call for help

Flipflop87 · 27/08/2021 15:54

Wow! This is so weird. Why isn’t it OK to leave responsible 11 and 14 year old to go out for two hours? So weird. I can’t understand people’s responses. A parent is capable of judging their own child’s responsibility.
OP you’re best to judge for this yourself. No one on here knows your kids or family. Do what you feel is right.

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2021 15:55

@Abraxan then why did you object to my post with this

Add message | Report | Message poster | See all Abraxan Fri 27-Aug-21 15:45:31
PlanDeRaccordement
YANBU to leave a 14yo babysitting an 11yo so long as you pay them.
Especially since you will both be drinking, the 14yo will have to be extra responsible about dialing 999 in an emergency.

You stated:
“How incapable do you think the parents will be after a couple of hours in a pub together, at 5pm?! I don't know about you but I'm very capable of going to a pub and not getting drunk in a couple of hours early evening! After a drink or two I'd be perfectly capable of dealing with an emergency!”

Which implied that the DC should call the parents to deal with the emergency and not 999.

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 15:55

@ForensicFlossy

This is the funniest post ever. Some of the responses are batshit. And guess what? I am about to leave my 14 &11 year old to go to the pub with my dh!

Please let me know your location so I can't call the relevant services!

Abraxan · 27/08/2021 15:56

And the advantage of smartphones is the 11y or the 14y would be able to call 999, and whilst still in the call, be able to text the parents to tell them they are needed ASAP at the very same time. Call 999 and begin that call, and then text parents whilst doing so.

If they don't know how to do that, then it's something worth explaining/showing any child just in case the occasion arises. I suspect more secondary school age children know they can do this anyway.

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 15:56

Ffs, so I *CAN... kinda ruined the joke!

MaMelon · 27/08/2021 15:57

@ForensicFlossy

This is the funniest post ever. Some of the responses are batshit. And guess what? I am about to leave my 14 &11 year old to go to the pub with my dh!

Have you wrapped them and the house in cotton wool and bubble wrap just to be on the safe side? Stair gates up and baby monitors in place at your house and in the pub? Ambulance and police on standby? Turned off the electricity at the mains? Have you really thought this through???!

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2021 15:57

@Hobnobswantshernameback
Don’t confuse your luck with everyone else’s reality. I’m happy you’ve never had to dial an emergency number, but obviously thousands need to every day. There is always a chance that a babysitting older child will need to do so.

clary · 27/08/2021 15:58

@PlanDeRaccordement

And the 14y isn't babysitting. Both children are secondary school age and capable of being left alone for a couple of hours. The 14y does not need paying to stay home doing their own thing for a couple of hours once in a while.

I disagree with this as the eldest of a large family. I was expected to babysit my siblings for free and to even cancel paying babysitting jobs to do so. It’s not fair to whoever is oldest and thus responsible to not pay them for babysitting. If you wouldn’t leave the 11yo by themselves, then it’s babysitting.

But she would and in fact she says she has - she says in her OP that she has left the younger one for 45 mins. Most people on here think its OK to leave an 11yo for a couple of hours. Lots of us work and are not home at 3.30 and there is no afterschool care for 11yos.