To leave my children in the house for 2ish hours in the early evenings at 14 and 11?

[schoolsoutforever]

Hello, my first time actually creating a thread but I would appreciate reasonable opinions.

Up until now I haven't really left my children often on their own but recently the older child has been in the house for a while (few hours) on her own and the younger for short periods (45 mins ish).

My husband and I would enjoy early evening drinks in the pub (approx 5ish - 7ish).

Would we be unfair leaving them to do this? My daughter is 14 in a week, son 11.5. The pub is less than 5 mins walk. We would be having max two drinks. So AIBU?

Tell them Not to cook anything

Good grief. At 14, I had a job (part-time) in a café, including - gasp- cooking. Most 14 year olds adore a bit of grown-up responsibility, as long as it's occasional and/or fun, not a heap of expectations.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

In some cultures children walk to school on their own from aged 6 They do indeed. A friend's DC in Norway were walking up the road to catch the bus, which, being Norway, during the winter this was in the dark (shock horror), from the time they were 6. They're now about 11 and 9 and come home from school on the bus alone, walk down the road, let themselves in - and, in the winter, draw the curtains.

This is 100% normal in Norway. IMHO, it fosters independence and common sense and confidence.

When we lived in Oz, primary school kids not only walked to and from the bus stop alone but, at certain times of year, they had to wear buckets on their heads and carry sticks, to fend off mobbing magpies (not a joke). Most thought it was a great adventure.

I don't see an issue personally. At 14 and 11 they are not babies! Lots of children have to be home alone at some point. If you go once or twice a week no problem

I do tell my 14 year old not to cook as he’s not the most sensible/ organised! He is well behaved but lacks common sense. His older brother is able to cook basic food and I’d trust him to do so if I was out of the house.

@Clymene Not sure which posters you're referring to, but I'm one who said I wouldn't do it myself and I have an 18 year old.
At 14 I didn't leave him in charge of his siblings while I went to the pub and I wouldn't expect him to babysit them now. He studies, works a lot of hours and has his own hobbies and busy social life. He's basically, you know, pretty independent.
My choice not to leave my DC at home and go to the pub is just that, no reflection on them.
We all make our own judgements as parents but I don't think it's necessary to ridicule posters who make different choices. I certainly haven't.
Independent thought's a thing too.

Who is talking about babysitting? An 11 year old doesn't need babysitting for an hour.

It's really odd to not ask your older child to keep an eye on your younger child for any reason though. It's part of being a family isn't it?

It's always a difficult decision isn't it. I'll never forget our holiday in Darling Harbour when my husband and I let our kids go back to the 11th floor apartment early, we were just finishing our drinks and knew they'd only be alone for about 15 minutes. It was 2006 so the kids were 12 and 14.

When we approached the building everyone was in the 'evacuation point', looking up at the building. The kids had got the lift up, the fire alarm had gone off, and they'd had to walk down 11 flights of stairs! I'll always feel guilty about it :)

What a load of sanctimonious crap being spouted on here.

OP - go and enjoy but next time you post just say you were going to Church for evening prayers rather than the pub. Because if it was holy then the righteous will be saved and no fire, accident or mishap will befall the children of the righteous.

However, if the evil drink or grape and grain is involved then all hell fire and damnation will befall you.

COI : 11 yr old on his own on tube to school. 12 yr old cooking omelettes/ toasties and pasta for lunch for him and his brother during lockdown - back door open and neighbour keeping an eye on them whilst I worked, now 13 yr old caught bus 30 miles to see school friend- two changes, regularly home before I get home and looks after CV sibling aged 11. Younger sibling moaning he is not given the same freedoms and is capable.

At some point you have to let go.

Leaving them for bible studies = okay

Leaving them so you can imbibe the demon liquor = may the Lord smite you down for your sinful ways.

Absolutely fine. My DC are similar ages and we have been doing this for the past 6 months or so.

I have an 11&13yr old and we’ve been leaving them alone for several hours in the day while out and about at the weekend shopping for decorating/carpets etc. I think we’d be happy to go out for a meal/drink though would probably stick to daylight hours.

@VanishingAct

Leaving them for bible studies = okay

Leaving them so you can imbibe the demon liquor = may the Lord smite you down for your sinful ways.

Unless it's a wedding at Cana?

Good grief what a thread. The helicopter parenting and anxiety are on full flight on this one aren't they?

I honestly can't believe we are actually discussing leaving two secondary school age kids at home alone for a couple of hours. So utterly depressing.

I honestly can't believe we are actually discussing leaving two secondary school age kids at home alone for a couple of hours. So utterly depressing

Tbf I think.people are genuinely worried about what others think on this because it doesn't matter if millions of People think it is fine. It just takes 1 to think it isn't and report you

Report to who? Social workers would roll their eyes if someone phoned up to say that a NT 14 Yr old and NT 11 Yr old were alone at home for a couple of hours.

@RuthW

Yes for work or similar. No for pub.

Well they are either OK to be at home alone or they're not, the reason why you're out doesn't really matter

I've left my 11 year old alone while I work until 7-8 pm, alone until about 9pm when I've gone out for a few hours.
He has a phone, the tele and the neighbours all know him and he knows who to go to.

He's still alive!
Of course it's fine to go out for a few drinks.

Really shocked that a 14 year old has hardly ever been left alone before.

I would never do this. I don't think going to the pub is reason enough to leave your children unattended. If it was for an unavoidable reason then maybe, but no way for the pub.

@iwanttobeonleave

I would never do this. I don't think going to the pub is reason enough to leave your children unattended. If it was for an unavoidable reason then maybe, but no way for the pub.

so you'd only leave your 14 year old alone at home in exceptional circumstances? that's bonkers quite frankly.

Christ. I was babysitting actual babies when I was 14. Some of the answers on this thread are hilarious.

How are parents of kids these sort of ages supposed to go out alone for a date night / film / meal? Are people suggesting they hire a babysitter for a 14 year old?

Don't most 14 year olds get themselves to and from school, and hang out in their local town centre with their friends on a Saturday afternoon etc? But not safe at home?

@Snoozer11

Really shocked that a 14 year old has hardly ever been left alone before.

Quite. My just turned 11 year old dd had to walk to a rural bus stop, wait and catch a bus to secondary school, as did a lot of her friends. A couple of hours at home alone as a teenager didn't even seem worth giving a thought to!