To leave my children in the house for 2ish hours in the early evenings at 14 and 11?

[schoolsoutforever]

Hello, my first time actually creating a thread but I would appreciate reasonable opinions.

Up until now I haven't really left my children often on their own but recently the older child has been in the house for a while (few hours) on her own and the younger for short periods (45 mins ish).

My husband and I would enjoy early evening drinks in the pub (approx 5ish - 7ish).

Would we be unfair leaving them to do this? My daughter is 14 in a week, son 11.5. The pub is less than 5 mins walk. We would be having max two drinks. So AIBU?

I did when I had DC12 & DC11. They were happy with it, we weren't far away and had friends & neighbours who could help in an emergency whilst we got back.

They were both fine but we did start with 20 minute trips out (sat in the car at the beach round the corner) and work our way up to 2/3 hours.

All these poor little cherubs all over the country having to dial 999
While mumsy and dadsy are having a cheeky babycham 500 yards away
Amazed there hasn't been some sort of NSPCC campaign to put a stop to their wanton hedonism

Planderaccordenment

It was simply as you mentioned that this was specially important as the parents were drinking. So the implication was that the drinking of alcohol was what was most likely to result in the child having to take charge.

Otherwise, why the mention of the drinking. Surely that was irrelevant. It wouldn't matter if the parent was stone cold sober doing an essential shop run or whether they were downing pints at the local, if it was just down to being alone.

So my response was to that aspect of your statement.

By the time the parents arrived home - which could literally be 6 minutes after calling 999 (assume 999 first, then text) and be perfectly competent enough to take over.

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@Hobnobswantshernameback
Don’t confuse your luck with everyone else’s reality. I’m happy you’ve never had to dial an emergency number, but obviously thousands need to every day. There is always a chance that a babysitting older child will need to do so.[/quote]
Just as much chance of the 14y having a medical emergency as the 11y if we go down that way of thinking though.

No you've had your children and aren't allowed to do anything for yourself, irrespective of how completely reasonable it is, ever again. Selfish.

Most accidents happen in the home when the parents are there, I too have babysat for younger siblings for free as a child, not that I resented it, I also babysat for money from the age of 14 for local families

@Abraxan

Planderaccordenment

It was simply as you mentioned that this was specially important as the parents were drinking. So the implication was that the drinking of alcohol was what was most likely to result in the child having to take charge.

Otherwise, why the mention of the drinking. Surely that was irrelevant. It wouldn't matter if the parent was stone cold sober doing an essential shop run or whether they were downing pints at the local, if it was just down to being alone.

So my response was to that aspect of your statement.

By the time the parents arrived home - which could literally be 6 minutes after calling 999 (assume 999 first, then text) and be perfectly competent enough to take over.

It’s especially important due to the number of threads on here where a parent decides to drive their child to A&E. I wanted to highlight that is not an option if you are drinking at all and the 14yo should be prepared to call 999 if necessary. That’s it.

You can go to a pub and buy nonalcoholic beverages
Who knew eh

@clary
Yes I work too. But I have been on threads where a large % of posters have thought it insane to leave an 11yo home alone. So I was trying to be inclusive in my response (which wasn’t to OP by the way) and not assume the poster I was talking to was of one opinion or the other.

To my mind, if you leave an older child in charge, they are babysitting and 11yo is in a gray area where some are independent and don’t need babysitters, but other 11yos might need one.

@Idontbelieveit14

Not for the pub

So judgy!

It's fine if they are sensible & can call you if they need anything op.

Put a film on. Tell them
Not to cook anything or answer the door.

Parts of this thread are crazy. I’d leave a sensible 11 yo home alone when I was 5 minutes away, never mind a 14 yo. Kids thrive when given responsibility.

Also make sure they have a neighbour you tryst to go to if anything happens. Like a house fire etc.

I wanted to highlight that is not an option if you are drinking at all and the 14yo should be prepared to call 999 if necessary. That’s it.

And the 11y equally in this situation. Either are as likely to have an emergency to deal with, therefore - as both are old enough to be left alone for a short period of time like in this situation - both should be prepared.

I still don't believe the 14y needs babysitting money in such a situation. Both are old enough to be left independent of one another. Both need to be able to deal with an emergency.

And tbh in many medical emergencies driving to A&E is not recommended anyway, particularly by a frantic worried parent.

Of course it's not fine. Once you have children, you're not allowed to leave them alone for more than five minutes and certainly not for DRINKING. God, you'll be lucky if your neighbours don't call social services!!!

Hopefully your neighbours aren't MNers who think they need to live a life of misery and be at their children's beck and call 24/7 until they turn 18 at which point they become mysteriously self-sufficient.

@Abraxan

I wanted to highlight that is not an option if you are drinking at all and the 14yo should be prepared to call 999 if necessary. That’s it.

And the 11y equally in this situation. Either are as likely to have an emergency to deal with, therefore - as both are old enough to be left alone for a short period of time like in this situation - both should be prepared.

I still don't believe the 14y needs babysitting money in such a situation. Both are old enough to be left independent of one another. Both need to be able to deal with an emergency.

And tbh in many medical emergencies driving to A&E is not recommended anyway, particularly by a frantic worried parent.

Yes agree with all except for the babysitting money thing!

Glad we have found common ground. I’d much prefer my child know I am in favour of them calling 999 before calling or texting me and that asking for an ambulance is OK than worrying about oh, dad might want to drive to A&E and be confusing the dispatcher.

I know children know theoretically about 999 and such from young age, but it can’t hurt to have that quick discussion before going out that if anything happens, just call 999 and call or text me or your dad straight after. Gives them confidence.

@Clymene

Of course it's not fine. Once you have children, you're not allowed to leave them alone for more than five minutes and certainly not for DRINKING. God, you'll be lucky if your neighbours don't call social services!!!

Hopefully your neighbours aren't MNers who think they need to live a life of misery and be at their children's beck and call 24/7 until they turn 18 at which point they become mysteriously self-sufficient.

Or alternatively - completely lacking in basic life skills and unable to function at university on their own accommodation. I wonder why (actually I don’t wonder, looking at some of these bonkers posts)

I feel sorry for their teachers/lecturers @MaMelon. They'll probably be writing to the university when their kids fail the first year saying that if only the teaching staff had bothered to connect with their child emotionally, they would have sailed through

God no, YANBU. I regularly leave my nearly 14 and 10 year olds while I go shopping, or leave the 14 year old to take the 10 year old to CAMHS if she's off sick.

Tell them Not to cook anything

A 14 yo should be perfectly capable of cooking a simple meal for herself/self and sister. Even an 11 yo should be able to make something like scrambled eggs on toast or heat something under the grill or in the microwave.

"I feel sorry for their teachers/lecturers @MaMelon. They'll probably be writing to the university when their kids fail the first year saying that if only the teaching staff had bothered to connect with their child emotionally, they would have sailed through"

@Clymene

You laugh, but on one first day of term, one of my students' mother walked their child to their classroom for their first lesson, asked me what time we would be finishing, so she knew when to pick her son up. Made arrangements to collect him and left.

I wouldn't have minded, but the child was 16 and it was his first day of A levels at a sixth form college.

I have so many stories of babied teens, it's terrifying!

OMG

@Changechangychange

Shocking, OP. Children shouldn’t be left alone at home until they are at least 35, and even then only for morally irreproachable activities such as attending church, or volunteering at a soup kitchen.

I always threatened DD that she'd be on reins until she was 27.

@Clymene

I feel sorry for their teachers/lecturers *@MaMelon*. They'll probably be writing to the university when their kids fail the first year saying that if only the teaching staff had bothered to connect with their child emotionally, they would have sailed through

Totally agree.

@Clymene

Just one more... I had another 17/18 year old A level student who missed a couple of morning lessons for a week. I moaned at him and asked him why he had missed my lessons. It was because his mum had forgotten to wake him up. Turned out, the mum was on holiday in Spain and still phoning her son every morning to get him out of bed to go to college. When she overslept, so did he. Couldn't see what I was gobsmacked at that.

The babying of some children / teens beggars belief. It does them no good.

@MeMumI

"I feel sorry for their teachers/lecturers *@MaMelon*. They'll probably be writing to the university when their kids fail the first year saying that if only the teaching staff had bothered to connect with their child emotionally, they would have sailed through"

@Clymene

You laugh, but on one first day of term, one of my students' mother walked their child to their classroom for their first lesson, asked me what time we would be finishing, so she knew when to pick her son up. Made arrangements to collect him and left.

I wouldn't have minded, but the child was 16 and it was his first day of A levels at a sixth form college.

I have so many stories of babied teens, it's terrifying!

What??!!

I can well imagine it though. One of my friends is quite overprotective - at 14 her son hadn't been left alone at all, not even for her to do a quick supermarket shop 5 minutes away.