To leave my children in the house for 2ish hours in the early evenings at 14 and 11?

[schoolsoutforever]

Hello, my first time actually creating a thread but I would appreciate reasonable opinions.

Up until now I haven't really left my children often on their own but recently the older child has been in the house for a while (few hours) on her own and the younger for short periods (45 mins ish).

My husband and I would enjoy early evening drinks in the pub (approx 5ish - 7ish).

Would we be unfair leaving them to do this? My daughter is 14 in a week, son 11.5. The pub is less than 5 mins walk. We would be having max two drinks. So AIBU?

Of course this is fine.
There was another thread this week where someone mentioned that this must be "overprotective parent" month and I think I'm starting to agree with them!

If you can't leave 2 secondary school aged children while you go 5 minutes down the road for 2 hours, you should take a long hard look at your parenting.

I'd imagine most secondary school aged children should be fine to left alone for a couple of hours between 5-7pm every so often.

I was probably a bit over protective with Dd when growing up but I'd have felt fine leaving secondary school children for that long.

I assume both have no disabilities that would make them less able to cope, or that there are no major issues between them that means either would be at risk.

At that age many children are coming home to an empty house after school and are on their own for a couple of hours or so.

Totally agree with the other posters that secondary school children can be left alone for a few hours in the early evening.
It shouldn’t really matter where you’re going. But it does sound worse if it’s so you can go to the pub - silly I know 😂 But you should go OP and enjoy yourself. Kids of those ages do need to start being a bit more independent and that includes being in the house on their own.

@Idontbelieveit14

Not for the pub

Would the supermarket be acceptable? The gym? Why not the pub?

Good grief - I take it none of the posters who think this is a terrible idea were alive in the 70's or 80's? It was completely normal for many children to be left alone for a while most days/evenings and parents didn't stress about it. Parents often left their children at home for various reasons, including going to the pub.

It’s fine OP
Obviously if it was a daily thing it probably wouldn’t be very nice for them

“ girlmom21

Idontbelieveit14
Not for the pub confused

Would the supermarket be acceptable? The gym? Why not the pub?”

Does it depend on what is being purchased at the pub? ‘Essentials’ would be ok, by anything frivolous wouldn’t be

Depends if the eldest is of a legal age to care for a child. It is unlikely that anythimg will happen but if anything did it is only illgeal if this not the case i rhink under 1989 children act.
Id do it dwpwnding on the child but i wd be aware of legal asoect if any and wd check in case i was wrong re abovw advise for peacw of mind

🤦‍♀️

@Tiddleandplonk

Depends if the eldest is of a legal age to care for a child. It is unlikely that anythimg will happen but if anything did it is only illgeal if this not the case i rhink under 1989 children act. Id do it dwpwnding on the child but i wd be aware of legal asoect if any and wd check in case i was wrong re abovw advise for peacw of mind

What do you mean about the legal aspect? I can’t understand. I’ve looked at the children’s act and don’t see how it relates.

Obviously absolutely fine. I used to babysit other people’s children at 14.

I think it's totally fine from a safety point of view. Only thing I would say is that if this is OK, take care to be objective about possible future decisions. It's very easy to say that x will surely be ok because you already know that y is, but the goalposts shift slightly and actually one of the kids might be less comfortable.

My own baggage here is that my mum and dad (and I had a lovely upbringing generally) left my sister (15) and I (12) regularly on Friday evenings, and we were perfectly safe, but then sister got a boyfriend who used to come over too, so Friday evenings were the two of them giggling on the sofa, mum and dad out, and me feeling like everybody else's weekend had started but I was too young to really go anywhere alone at 12 so was stuck being the unhappy 3rd wheel at home. It wasn't the end of the world in the grand scheme of things but it was a bit shit and I wished it didn't happen.

So.... maybe a few ground rules like no friends over unless parents are home, for example.

Whilst I don't think that it's necessarily a problem to leave a 14 and 11 year old (mine are a similar age) for a couple of hours, I think it's a little bit self-indulgent to go to the pub, and not something I would do as a parent.

It's absolutely fine.

@Peanutsandchilli

Whilst I don't think that it's necessarily a problem to leave a 14 and 11 year old (mine are a similar age) for a couple of hours, I think it's a little bit self-indulgent to go to the pub, and not something I would do as a parent.

Yeah, how dare parents do something self indulgent?

Should add that before that, mum and dad had gone out and sister and I had a babysitter who we both adored and who engaged equally with both of us and it was great fun for a while.... then it all felt a bit rubbish for me when it changed.

@Peanutsandchilli

Whilst I don't think that it's necessarily a problem to leave a 14 and 11 year old (mine are a similar age) for a couple of hours, I think it's a little bit self-indulgent to go to the pub, and not something I would do as a parent.

@Peanutsandchilli

Whilst I don't think that it's necessarily a problem to leave a 14 and 11 year old (mine are a similar age) for a couple of hours, I think it's a little bit self-indulgent to go to the pub, and not something I would do as a parent.

So you never go out with your DP/DH and without your children?

@CherieBabySpliffUp

I wouldn't leave them indoors to go to the pub, no.

Ahh there's your answer OP, you have to leave them in the garden instead!

Surely most 11&14yos would be home alone for a couple of hours most days after school.

@Idontbelieveit14

Not for the pub

Surely they are either capable of being home alone for 2 hours or they are not. The reason is largely irrelevant

Ahh there's your answer OP, you have to leave them in the garden instead!

bahahahahahaha

Whilst I don't think that it's necessarily a problem to leave a 14 and 11 year old (mine are a similar age) for a couple of hours, I think it's a little bit self-indulgent to go to the pub, and not something I would do as a parent.

Self indulgence is so good though, you're missing out

It is totally fine for an 11yo and 14yo to be left home on their own for a couple of hours (presuming no significant and relevant SEN).

My goodness tho some of these posts - don't leave them to go to the pub? Why on earth not? An 11yo is fine on their own for two hours, and a 14yo for sure. Makes no difference what you are doing, enjoy your trip to the pub OP.

Wow, I will absolutely be leaving my two at home alone at that age for any reason. Even to (gasp) go to the pub.

@Tiddleandplonk

Depends if the eldest is of a legal age to care for a child. It is unlikely that anythimg will happen but if anything did it is only illgeal if this not the case i rhink under 1989 children act. Id do it dwpwnding on the child but i wd be aware of legal asoect if any and wd check in case i was wrong re abovw advise for peacw of mind

There is no such thing as a legal age to be left alone. Neglecting a child is illegal but there is no specified age thank goodness. It is fine to leave an 11yo from 5-7pm, whether you are going to the shop, the gym, work, the pub, the cinema or to your self-flagellation class.