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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS underage drinking

175 replies

Dsandthedrink · 27/08/2021 11:26

DS is 17 in November and about to start a levels. To cut a long story short last night he told me he was going out with some friends (technically true). He wasn’t back until about half 11 but went straight to bed so I didn’t get a chance to talk to him. It turns out he was in the pub last night with a group of other underage friends I was told this by a friend who’s (adult) son also happened to be there. I am very disappointed in DS what he did was both illegal and stupid. Aibu to ask how to punish him for this?

OP posts:
PalmarisLongus · 27/08/2021 11:28

He's 17... I'd be having a chat about hangovers and knowing his limits, not punishing so much.

But TBF I was drinking in pubs from 16 onward safer there then on the park benches and places.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/08/2021 11:31

You don't. You talk to him about drinking responsibly, knowing his limits etc. You also talk to him about how this will affect the people selling him alcohol and the risk to their livelihoods. Then you let it go.

Comedycook · 27/08/2021 11:31

I was surprised to open your post and see he's 17...I thought you were going to say he's much younger!

I wouldn't do anything to punish him. I'd probably talk to him about staying safe if he's drunk and not going overboard but that's about it

Debetswell · 27/08/2021 11:33

@Dsandthedrink did you never go into a pub underage?
I'd say pick your battles!
And as above explain about drinking generally.
Hangovers, limits, being accused of stuff when you can't remember, spiked drinks.

LakeShoreD · 27/08/2021 11:36

If just one of the group was 18, they had food and stuck to beer, wine or cider then it’s not even illegal. He’s not that young, he didn’t lie to you and he was home before midnight. I think a chat about knowing your limits, never lying to you about his whereabouts and always having a plan to get home safely etc would be good. A punishment might backfire and mean he’s a lot less honest with you going forward and will drink in less safe places where he won’t be spotted.

Comedycook · 27/08/2021 11:37

If just one of the group was 18, they had food and stuck to beer, wine or cider then it’s not even illegal

Like they did in the Inbetweeners Grin

Hankunamatata · 27/08/2021 11:39

I was out clubbing at 16. He is 17 and was home by 11. Not like he was drinking in a field or park somewhere

Mummasdiary2021 · 27/08/2021 11:43

I was out clubbing at 16 also. He's old enough to drink if he's responsable. He's not going to magically mature into some wise old adult when he turns 18. He's fine and for god sake don't punish him

Dashdotcom · 27/08/2021 11:45

If you try to ban him he will likely just do it anyway and lie, me and all my friends used to do that as our parents didn’t like us drinking at 16/17. We put ourselves in some stupidly risky situations because of it and our parents wouldn’t of had a clue where we were if something had actually happened.
Like people have said, I’d use this as a chance to talk to him about limits and how to drink safely and look after his friends when drinking etc

esloquehay · 27/08/2021 11:52

He's 17, not 7. Why on EARTH would you even contemplate punishing him?!
Don't even talk to him about it. He's a young man. Any alcohol safety talks should've been done years ago.
The fact that he feels he has to lie about it says a lot about you as a parent.

hey9654 · 27/08/2021 11:52

Jesus I was doing this at 14...that's pretty tame for what some 17 year olds are doing. No need to punish him just let him live

esloquehay · 27/08/2021 11:52

*nearly 17

Shirleyphallus · 27/08/2021 11:53

Hello OP, welcome to MN, you’ll find some useful help and advice here

Interesting you’re asking about DS being 17 and underage drinking. MNers feel very strongly about anyone who drinks and so you’ll probably get lots of opinions about how you’ve inadvertently raised an alcoholic and should get him in to therapy right away.

Perhaps that’s what you were hoping for. Perhaps not.

Dandy0911 · 27/08/2021 11:53

Heaven forfend a 17 year old drinking in a pub with his mates!

He was home safely by 11.30 in bed. What's the issue?

Notimeforaname · 27/08/2021 11:55

I agree with all who say it's not a big deal. I was also drinking in pubs from 15/16 ish.
Cut him some slack. We all want to get out. He's doing what most of us did.

icedcoffees · 27/08/2021 11:56

Sounds normal to me.

I was drinking in pubs from 16 as nobody bothered to check ID.

Notimeforaname · 27/08/2021 11:56

He was home safely by 11.30 in bed. What's the issue?
Yes!! Also this. He sounds much more responsible than I wasGrin

Bibbetybobbity · 27/08/2021 11:57

Is this a real question? He’s 17. I don’t think you’re being serious.

GreenTortoise · 27/08/2021 11:58

Crikey. Poor sod. He's 17 not 7. Let the kid breathe.

GreenTortoise · 27/08/2021 11:59

And he was back at half 11. Let go of the reins a bit. You're over reacting massively.

Amz6219 · 27/08/2021 12:00

He's 17. I think we have all been up to worse at that age...

Being in a pub, with friends and home at a reasonable time is quite responsible really, could be on the park til all hours with white lightening!

Everanewbie · 27/08/2021 12:02

I would be more worried if he hadn't had a sneaky underage drinking session by the age of 17 to be honest. He is one of the 99% that I suspect have.

LarsErickssong · 27/08/2021 12:04

No wonder he came in and went straight to bed, he obviously knew what you're reaction was going to be

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 12:05

You sound a bit dramatic.
He's nearly 17, he was in a pub rather than drinking in a field somewhere doing god knows what, and was home by 11:30pm.
He sounds pretty sensible.

DamnFoolWhoShotHim · 27/08/2021 12:09

He's 17!

Though I would talk to him about drinking underage in a pub and how he's putting the pubs license in jeopardy if they had a licensing check.