DS underage drinking

[Dsandthedrink]

DS is 17 in November and about to start a levels. To cut a long story short last night he told me he was going out with some friends (technically true). He wasn’t back until about half 11 but went straight to bed so I didn’t get a chance to talk to him. It turns out he was in the pub last night with a group of other underage friends I was told this by a friend who’s (adult) son also happened to be there. I am very disappointed in DS what he did was both illegal and stupid. Aibu to ask how to punish him for this?

*mothers

I actually think that teens today drink less than we did but may take more drugs.

But @ManifestDestinee it would be legal for your dc to drink with you in a pub with a meal.

Your views on drinking aren't the standard ones in the UK as the law actually shows.

I actually think that we are too casual about the impact of drinking at times but Cultural shifts take time and OP needs to at least be aware of what the standard views around teen drinking are.

As others have said I would be encouraging this as in a pub situation you have to watch your limits and are constrained by the money you have and the need to act responsibly if you are not going to be chucked out.

At £4+ a pint they wont have the funds to drink loads - compare this to buying some cans and drinking in the park where there is far more alcohol for your money and far less control.

This post actually gladdens me as some of the things I have read indicate that teenagers today are anti-alcohol or at least drinking at home rather than going to the pub.

Once he is in the sixth form/ at college he will probably find that his social life revolves around going to the pub: for boys its a sign of growing up and natural.

For my part I have been regularly going to the pub since age 16 - looking back it makes me cringe but after several of our GCSE exams if we had an exam in the morning we would change our school ties and go to the pub at lunchtime for a pint or two and then head home. And then over the summer holidays we used to meet up in the evenings in pubs and then once sixt form started it was the pub most Fridays. My parents werent particularly happy about it at the start but realised there was little they could do.

Let it go!

I was out at 15 in the only pub that turned a blind eye to underage drinkers. I used to have half a cider and felt so cool!

My DS is now 17, has never touched a drop and is adamant he'll never drink. Who knows whether he will, I just don't want him turning to hard drugs rather than the odd shandy!

[quote esloquehay]**@ManifestDestinee, you sound like a wonderful parent; indeed, you have raised a paragon of virtue.
Shame on us UK mother's, the majority of whom are feckless alcoholics, raising a further generation of debauched degenerates, freely regurgitating the intoxicating liquors they have imbibed; our streets are awash with vomit...[/quote]
The majority? No, the majority very much agree with me, as do most people. As I said, the Cool Moms on this thread are the ones out of touch.
Nobody in their right mind thinks 16 year old boys spending their evenings in the pub is a fine and dandy idea.

But @ManifestDestinee it would be legal for your dc to drink with you in a pub with a meal

Since he wasn't drinking with his parents with a meal, how is that at all relevant?

Good it's like a race to the bottom on here isn't it? Who can come up with the most outlandish thing they were doing aged 9 etc.

And an awful lot of you are hard of reading. This boy is 16

I wouldn't punish him, no. I'd be having a chat with him though but if he was generally a well behaved boy then it wouldn't go further than that

I think the drinking in the pub being legal under some circumstances is relevant because it challenges the idea in your posts that it is wrong for dc of his age to be drinking alcohol @ManifestDestinee

At that age it is a matter of degrees at that age rather than a total no in the eyes of the law as well as culturally.

It fine to hold a different view to the cultural norm but the views expressed on here are the cultural norm.

Though teens are drinking less than their parents did which honestly has to be better for their health I would think.

I think the drinking in the pub being legal under some circumstances is relevant because it challenges the idea in your posts that it is wrong for dc of his age to be drinking alcohol @ManifestDestinee**

It is wrong. And its more wrong to be sitting drinking with his underage friends. Are you all on glue? Or is this one of things you pretend is fine for kids but you would go mental if it was your own 16 year old child spending his evenings in the Slug and Lettuce?

It fine to hold a different view to the cultural norm but the views expressed on here are the cultural norm

Cultural norm on MN, maybe. Not the cultural norm in the UK, or anywhere in Europe.

Stand on a street corner and ask people whether they think it's ok for 16 year olds to be drinking in pubs, you'll soon find out you are wrong.

As everyone else has said, if he can't drink at nearly 17 without you throwing a hissy fit then there will be lots of other stuff happening in his life that he will never tell you about, don't be one of those parents

The rest of Europe is an irrelevance in this discussion, as is the rest of the world.

It is actually fairly unusual to have agreement on something on Mumsnet.

I don't think most people are saying that they would promote this behavior just that as an occasional activity it isn't that surprising and that OP shouldn't over react.

I don't think you would get a different reaction if you discussed this on street corners. In fact I suspect there might be even less concern.

@ManifestDestinee calm your tits down.

I don't think most people are saying that they would promote this behavior just that as an occasional activity it isn't that surprising and that OP shouldn't over react.
@longerevenings
Exactly.
I have never actively encouraged my dc to drink but I accepted it was a likely thing to happen and therefore wise to forewarn my dc of the consequences if they overdo it.

@ManifestDestinee my friends and family would never describe me as cool. More likely pragmatic.
Thanks for the compliment though.

I was another one out clubbing at 16. And my parents were pub owners!

You must have had a very sheltered life if going to the pub age 17 isn't normal

[quote vodkaredbullgirl]@ManifestDestinee calm your tits down.[/quote]
Thanks for being concerned about my tits, but they're perfectly calm, thanks.

I wouldn’t want my 16 year old in a pub getting drunk. I think having a chat I’d the best route, most places are so strict on ID I doubt it’ll be a regular thing

I am 74. My dad and mum took mt to a pub when I was about 15 or 16. In a lot of Europe, it is perfectly fine for teenagers to have the occasional drink, but mostly they don’t bother much. Never see a drunk Portuguese person of any age in several years, except for one clearly alcoholic man. It is just part of the everyday life, not something forbidden.

@stripedbananas

You must have had a very sheltered life if going to the pub age 17 isn't normal

It wasn’t normal for me. But I don’t think I was a normal teenager, probably ASD. I did have wine at home with Sunday lunch from about 16 but didn’t start going out to pubs and clubs until about 19.

In Scotland, many 17 year-olds are already at university and living alone. Cut the lad a break! He's pretty much an adult, and legally will be in just a few months.

I strongly believe if you ban or react extremely against teenagers drinking at all you are likely to encourage secretive drinking.

I would far rather my kids learn about their limits in a safe space and so I don't demonise it and we have allowed ours to have the occasional drink throughout their teens.

I find the idea that people are horrified about a 16 year old having a drink as really odd. These are the teens that will get dangerously drunk during freshers week unless you help them to understand acceptable drinking levels and how to keep themselves safe.

so as i type 16 (nearly 17 ) year old ds is currently in a field at the reading festival along with a massive cohort of other kids who have just finished Y11. naive to think they won't be drinking. These kids do not represent some kind of crazed minority with parents who don't care. They are just normal teenagers letting off steam in time old fashion.

Anyone who has a 15/16/17 year old and claims that their kid categorically does not drink alcohol with their mates @ManifestDestinee is being wholly unrealistic.

Stand on a street corner and ask people whether they think it's ok for 16 year olds to be drinking in pubs, you'll soon find out you are wrong.

Actually, I think the majority of people would say the same as us "negligent, glue sniffing (?)" parents; a couple of beers in the pub at nearly 17 really isn't the devil's work. There's a big difference between that and necking half a bottle of vodka or lining up the tequila shots.

We all draw boundaries in different places. I am resolutely against all recreational drug use, which, by the way, is far more of a teenage issue than under age alcohol consumption in this country. My kids would say I'm pretty strict on most things, particularly around school work and good manners. I don't judge other parents for having different approaches to me, or call them negligent.

My son will be going to uni in a year and free to do whatever he chooses. There has to be an process of letting 16/17 year olds have more freedom as they move towards adulthood.

@ManifestDestinee

You don't appear to be commenting on or taking into account what actually goes on v a parallel universe where everything happens as you and the law would like it. Speeding in cars is illegal. Does that mean that no one does it because it's against the law? No.

As others have said.. I hope your DC never do anything wrong or drink alcohol underage as I can't imagine they will be sharing it with you if they ever get into trouble.

We knew which pub to go to to get served at 16. We were drinking a bit a friends' houses from 14/15. I think it is good to demystify drinking before they start uni, where it is harder to look out for them.