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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS underage drinking

175 replies

Dsandthedrink · 27/08/2021 11:26

DS is 17 in November and about to start a levels. To cut a long story short last night he told me he was going out with some friends (technically true). He wasn’t back until about half 11 but went straight to bed so I didn’t get a chance to talk to him. It turns out he was in the pub last night with a group of other underage friends I was told this by a friend who’s (adult) son also happened to be there. I am very disappointed in DS what he did was both illegal and stupid. Aibu to ask how to punish him for this?

OP posts:
longerevenings · 27/08/2021 16:45

Another person thinking this is a very odd reaction to a 17 year old drinking.

Is alcohol a trigger for you OP? Perhaps a family history of misuse?
Are you from the USA or another culture with minimal public youth drinking?

Drinking by the age of 17 is absolutely normal and expected in most parts of the UK and has been for decades.

longerevenings · 27/08/2021 16:47

Okay see he is 16 but still don't think this is unusual behavior.
You should talk about safe limits, looking after mates, transport and other issues that might come up.

A pub is better than a bus shelter or a park.

hippychick10 · 27/08/2021 16:55

@ManifestDestinee

He's 17, not 7. Why on EARTH would you even contemplate punishing him?

He SIXTEEN. Can no-one here read? He's 16, he's underage, and he's drinking in pubs.
Why the fuck would you not punish him? Are you all insane?

But was he drinking alcohol? He's not underage to be in a pub....he can have a coke and it'll be legal
Original poster
Dsandthedrink · 27/08/2021 17:08

To confirm yes DS is 16, he is 17 in November and yes he was drinking alcohol

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 27/08/2021 17:12

Those apron strings need cutting

QueenofLouisiana · 27/08/2021 17:16

I might not be thrilled if DS was drinking in a pub- more the risk of being caught and the licencee getting into trouble. However, he and his 16 year old mates (finally) have their prom tonight, I have bought cider for them to share at the after party and I know other parents have done the same.

We’ve had a chat about limits, not doing anything stupid and the importance of informed consent as the after party is rolling into a sleepover with girls there too. He knows that in the event of vomiting he will be cleaning up and paying for professional carpet cleaning.

I’m waving him off this evening, not punishing him.

kaleidoscopeheartless · 27/08/2021 17:28

I was drinking in the pub every weekend at 16. Don't punish him for anything but just talk to him about responsibility and the dangers of drinking to much.

ChaToilLeam · 27/08/2021 18:03

Were you never young, OP?

He‘ll soon be 17, then 18. Talk to him, don’t punish him. Otherwise he will just end up being sneaky and hiding things from you.

IamnotSethRogan · 27/08/2021 18:06

You are being completely over the top. If you had more.of a reasonable attitude, your son wouldn't have to lie about where he is.

This is what a lot of teenagers do and you'd do well to foster a relationship where he can talk to you about these sort of things, in case anything ever happens

PigletJohn · 27/08/2021 18:25

so he is 16, not 17, and drinking with a bunch of other young people.

When I was a DPS, I found that people over 18 were quite used to being asked for ID, and not at all offended. The ones making a fuss were the ones who were underage.

The DPS could lose his/her licence and job, careless bar staff can be reprimanded or sacked, the premises could even be closed down. Depending how resentful you are, you could notify the DPS (licensee), or the council licencing officer, or the police, that this is going on and they should be more careful.

Also bear in mind that 16 year old boys may be filled with bravado and not always truthful.

Original poster
Dsandthedrink · 27/08/2021 22:03

so he is 16, not 17, and drinking with a bunch of other young people.

Yes as I said in the op he is 17 in November so 16 now and yes he was with others his age

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/08/2021 22:31

Tell him to make the most of it because once he has children MN rules he must never ever drink in case one of them has an accident or the house catches on fire.

eminem120176 · 27/08/2021 22:40

You clearly haven't lived OP

Glugglejug · 27/08/2021 22:43

This is brilliant OP. Next year he could be off to uni and in freshers week snorting any old crap up his nose and gurning his face off after loads of pills. And he’ll have a brilliant time no doubt!

Get a hold of yourself and don’t punish him. Have a good old chat with him about knowing your limits and looking out for your friends. And take him a pint of water!

bobandhisburgers · 27/08/2021 22:43

I was regularly taking drugs and hanging around grotty bars and clubs in Birmingham at this age OP. Your son is very tame in comparison. I don't see why he needs to be punished. That's a bit extreme.

Jumpjumpjumper · 27/08/2021 22:49

Another one who was our clubbing at 16.

At 17, my mum even used to run a cheese sandwich up to me after my evening shift at Woolworths, before I got the bus with my mates to go clubbing.

It didn't send me off the rails. Actually, at age 38, I came home minus my door key and a shoe. So maybe it did 😁

Aria2015 · 27/08/2021 22:51

I personally think it's not a punishable offence. He was home in good time and so obviously didn't get carried away. I drank (with my mother's knowledge) from the same age. She would pick me up from nights out and then give me some food before bed and send me off with some water. Because she treated me like the grown up I was convinced I was, I actually was pretty sensible and mindful of not letting her down and losing her trust. Now I'm a parent, I think her approach was pretty smart because she always knew where I was and who I was with because I never felt the need to hide it.

WaterIsBest · 27/08/2021 22:51

You are kidding?!?!

His 17.
How do you plan to ‘punish’ him 😂😂

Mammaaof · 27/08/2021 22:52

I would be thanking him OP😂 at 16 I had given my mother many of sleepless nights driving around the park looking for me and then being sick all night into my bin next to my bed, best days of my life 😂😂

PugInTheHouse · 27/08/2021 22:52

I wouldn't even punish a 15 yo for that, IME completely normal for teens, I would have been going out clubbing at that sort of time at that age.

I can't even imagine punishing an almost 17 yo for safely drinking in a pub with friends. At least they weren't getting wasted in a park or at a party whilst parents were away for the weekend.

WaterIsBest · 27/08/2021 22:53

Ok…. 16!

Still stands! So?

When i was 16, i had huge responsibility at work and was in the pub most night

Get a grip OP

Velvetap · 27/08/2021 22:55

Sounds like a model child. In bed by 11.30... that's pretty good going in my book.

Seriously, the youngsters I know all drink on every social occasion and at any time of day. I do not think it's great, but there's not much I can do. At least drinking in a pub is better than drinking spirits in a park (which is what the youngsters I know do).

Original poster
Dsandthedrink · 27/08/2021 23:11

Having read all the comments it sounds like the consensus is that I have overreacted. I am just a little shocked that he went to a pub underage and drank but perhaps I shouldn’t have been. DS has always been very shy and good (he only ever got 1 detention at school) so I wasn’t really expecting this but clearly I should have done.

OP posts:
Iwantcollarbones · 27/08/2021 23:26

If I was you, I would be happy that he obviously knew his limits, didn’t drink to excess, wasn’t a dick when drinking and didn’t give you any grief. My 17yr old ds drinks at home and as soon as he is tipsy, takes himself off to bed. (He is an absolute unit of a young man).

You’ve obviously done well enough to raise a young man who can drive alcohol socially and not be a dick.

Iwantcollarbones · 27/08/2021 23:26

*drink alcohol