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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS underage drinking

175 replies

Dsandthedrink · 27/08/2021 11:26

DS is 17 in November and about to start a levels. To cut a long story short last night he told me he was going out with some friends (technically true). He wasn’t back until about half 11 but went straight to bed so I didn’t get a chance to talk to him. It turns out he was in the pub last night with a group of other underage friends I was told this by a friend who’s (adult) son also happened to be there. I am very disappointed in DS what he did was both illegal and stupid. Aibu to ask how to punish him for this?

OP posts:

ManifestDestinee · 29/08/2021 11:09

ou don't appear to be commenting on or taking into account what actually goes on v a parallel universe where everything happens as you and the law would like it. Speeding in cars is illegal. Does that mean that no one does it because it's against the law? No

You are very confused. The actual comparison there would be if you were all saying speeding was fine, and that you were driving at 150 miles when you were a new driver and thats just how it goes, its no problem to speed, everyone does it, and if you are unhappy your son did it you're a mental pearl clutcher.

My DC can and do talk to me about anything, and they are good and sensible kids. They have been given boundaries and taught what is acceptable. I've talked to my 17 year old about this thread and his opinion is that the kids in his year that drink in the park and spend their weekends getting smashed must have parents like the ones on this thread. He's not impressed with your parenting.

Theluggage15 · 29/08/2021 11:43

He sounds like a sensible lad. Back home by 11.30 and obviously not plastered. I always think it’s dangerous if youngsters have had nothing to do with alcohol and university life is their first introduction to it. Much safer to get used to it while living at home.

I also know someone who was convinced that their 17 year old didn’t drink much to the amusement of my son who was friends with him and knew she was deluding herself.

sub453 · 29/08/2021 11:43

This thread seems to go to the extreme end of the spectrum. There's banning the consumption of alcohol to all under 18s and there's groups of paralytic teens in parks. There is a very big "middle" inbetween.

My 17 year old is very conscientious with his school work, plays for a number of sports teams at school and out of school, does volunteering and, frankly, spends his time far more productively than I probably did at his age. He occasionally socialises after cricket matches with the other adults/teenagers and has 3 or 4 beers in the cricket club. Or he had some friends round them other day and they had a couple of beers in the garden over the course of the afternoon.

I don't know anyone who would see that as terrible parenting. They're not roaming the streets, taking drugs or being sick after necking shots. Hearing the type of thing that goes on at festivals makes my son's life look very puritanical and dull. Hopefully, when he goes to university, he will continue to be sensible around alcohol. I'm not judging your parenting, so please extend us the same courtesy rather than branding us negligent/crazy/glue sniffers and the rest.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 29/08/2021 11:43

@ManifestDestinee

Thanks but that is wholly inaccurate and extremely judgemental. I couldn't care less what you or your 17 year old thinks (incorrectly) about my parenting thanks.

pinkyredrose · 29/08/2021 11:49

Or course it's not illegal, just check any of the 'kids in pubs' threads on here. OP what's the problem with him drinking alcohol?

MauveMavis · 29/08/2021 11:58

Another one who aspired to be drinking in parks at 14 (I wasn't cool enough!) but I was drinking in the pub by 16-17.

My parents knew. They just expected me to come home on time and not be too inebriated.

It's an important life lesson tbh and drinking in the pub is much safer.

I'm now a responsible professional as are pretty much all of my drinking buddies. These days i barely drink - really lost my appetite to do so during covid.

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/08/2021 12:02

Neither of my 2 were out drinking in the park with friends. Eldest was too busy concentrating on her A levels and other hardly went out at that age. Eldest doesn't drink because of the meds she is on

I was doing more when I was their age, staying at friends to go out to the pubs and clubs.

@ManifestDestinee just asking are you totally against alcohol, don't bite my head off. Its a bit delicate

MauveMavis · 29/08/2021 12:02

I should probably clarify my parents knew I was going to the pub. They also knew I drank cider.

My mother a life long teetotaller was fine with this as she thought cider was non-alcoholic.

My Dad who knew it was alcoholic thought it was fine as I was sensible.

The terrible truth about cider only came out around the time of my 18th birthday.... we used to tease my Mother about it endlessly.

My younger siblings didn't benefit from maternal ignorance but after my sister's shenanigans made cider (or lager - my brother) in the pub aged 16 and walking home sensibly afterwards seemed like dream teenage behaviour.

Despite her shaky start (park boozing from age 12 onwards/ climbing out of windows to go clubbing) my sister is also a model professional these days!

Kylereese · 29/08/2021 12:29

OP you are joking aren’t you?!!

Magenta82 · 29/08/2021 15:21

@vodkaredbullgirl

Neither of my 2 were out drinking in the park with friends. Eldest was too busy concentrating on her A levels and other hardly went out at that age. Eldest doesn't drink because of the meds she is on

I was doing more when I was their age, staying at friends to go out to the pubs and clubs.

@ManifestDestinee just asking are you totally against alcohol, don't bite my head off. Its a bit delicate

If she was studying for A levels she was too old to be drinking in the park, the is what the 14/15 year olds do. By the time they are taking A levels they are in the pub learning how to act like adults and drink responsibility.

ChnandlerBong · 29/08/2021 16:32

snort at a 17 year old judging anyone's parenting skills?

ManifestDestinee · 30/08/2021 09:45

@ChnandlerBong

snort at a 17 year old judging anyone's parenting skills?

Snort all you like, he's got more sense than most of the alleged adults on this thread. He also thinks anyone his age drinking in the pub is a sad bastard, it's like Facebook, it's only for old people.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 30/08/2021 09:54

@ManifestDestinee

I don't think you need to be on MN at all. People either come on here for non judgmental advice or to offer advice. You do neither. On this thread you have condescended and made judgements on other peoples's parenting without knowing anything about them.

May I suggest you and your 17 year old DS who seems to have parenting nailed set up your own parenting website instead.

ManifestDestinee · 30/08/2021 10:03

People either come on here for non judgmental advice or to offer advice

Lol. Are you actually under the impression that is what AIBU is for? Bless your heart. You must be new.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 30/08/2021 10:11

No. I first found MN 11 years ago when my then H left me when I was pregnant and have been on here ever since. Thank goodness you weren't around then. It was hugely supportive.

Your last comment has openly demonstrated what you are on MN for and it's not what most people are on here for.

bobandhisburgers · 30/08/2021 10:11

@ManifestDestinee

People either come on here for non judgmental advice or to offer advice

Lol. Are you actually under the impression that is what AIBU is for? Bless your heart. You must be new.

Are you still going on? Bloody hell how sad!

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 30/08/2021 10:15

@bobandhisburgers

You are right. No need to engage in this further. There is no point.

Sorry for derailing the thread OP.

Shade17 · 30/08/2021 11:31

Sounds like he’s the saddo! What’s going to happen when he’s 18/19 and most normal people are out clubbing?

70% of 15 year olds have drunk alcohol so that will obviously be higher for 17 year olds. It’s very much the cultural norm.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/08/2021 11:36

🤣🤣

DD had a fake driving licence at 17 and so did most of her friends. So it’s not just oldies reminiscing about being teens in the 80s/90s.

And, as a previous poster mentioned, there are thousands of 16 year olds on their way home from Reading/Leeds today ... the vast majority of them would have had a few drinks over the weekend.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/08/2021 11:38

@ManifestDestineeWhy is your 17 year old even interested in the views of a bunch of ransoms on MN 🤣 ...

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/08/2021 11:38

Randoms!

ChnandlerBong · 31/08/2021 13:01

Hilarious. he thinks the kids going to festivals/pubs/parties and having some alcohol are sad bastards!!! He's not going to enjoy university at all then. Or are they not sad bastards when they turn 18?

You are keeping me entertained do keep going.

autummvibes · 31/08/2021 13:05

@Dsandthedrink

Having read all the comments it sounds like the consensus is that I have overreacted. I am just a little shocked that he went to a pub underage and drank but perhaps I shouldn’t have been. DS has always been very shy and good (he only ever got 1 detention at school) so I wasn’t really expecting this but clearly I should have done.

Drinking in a pub doesn't mean he's naughty. 😂

Spidey66 · 31/08/2021 13:08

I was drinking in pubs and clubs from 16. Not huge amounts (couldn't afford huge amounts) but definitely was.

I don't know anyone that only got alcohol once they hit 18.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 31/08/2021 13:12

OP are you seriously asking MN if you should punish a 17 year old for drinking alcohol?

I do seriously wonder whether some MNers were young themselves. Were you parachuted onto the planet at the age of 35 or something? I didn't have a crazy rebellious teen life, but I did sneak into a pub with a friend's driving licence when I was 17 (in the days before photocards)!

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