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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

362 replies

georgeaibu · 26/08/2021 13:08

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

OP posts:

Mummasdiary2021 · 27/08/2021 12:05

I'm surprised at all the replies you have got! I think he was being complimentary. I think YABU X

LimeRedBanana · 27/08/2021 12:07

@Mummasdiary2021

I'm surprised at all the replies you have got! I think he was being complimentary. I think YABU X

I can only conclude that you’ve been short on compliments in your time, if you would like something like this.

Journeyofthedragons · 27/08/2021 12:10

I can only conclude that you’ve been short on compliments in your time, if you would like something like this

Some people are desperate for male approval.

RoseGoldEagle · 27/08/2021 12:51

To me, it’s more patronising than creepy. He doesn’t see you as an equal, he sees you as a girl he can ogle and thinks you should be flattered to boot. If a woman in a professional setting said to a male client with a head tilt ‘oh hey there little Prince. It’s just such a pleasure having a handsome soldier like you here, you sit in the corner and don’t be worrying yourself we’ll get this sorted out in a jiffy little man’. Well, it wouldn’t happen would it. But that’s what this man means when he’s using language like this- he thinks you’re attractive, and that it’s the most (only?) important thing about you, and is happy to pay you on the head and tell you so, and presumably thinks you’ll be flattered and giggle about it. Ugh ugh ugh.

OldMamaOf3 · 27/08/2021 17:32

Probably an age thing tbh, I've been on the receiving end of stuff similar and I'm in my 50 's...that said if it made you feel uncomfortable, which I imagine it probably did then either email or speak to the owner face to face.
Not all of us can brush stuff off, even if it is said with no intention

DagenhamRoundhouse · 27/08/2021 17:43

Would a woman mechanic have said those things to a male customer? No. Find another garage.

thenovice · 27/08/2021 17:43

Creepy. I am sure you ARE lovely, but it's not relevant to the circumstances.

DonaPatrizia · 27/08/2021 17:47

I think this kind of thing is probably not badly meant but is inappropriate nevertheless. When I was young I hated flirting by random men, unless they were hot of course, in which case fine. Now I am older I am more tolerant unless they are really old/ugly/creepy/obvious fraudsters....A man stopped me in Whole Foods recently and said 'You look amazing' - I was wearing a very flattering dress - and I was just delighted. He was my age (late 50s) and not giving off any creepy vibes, didn't engage in any further conversation. It made my day.

cherish123 · 27/08/2021 17:49

How horrible.

Not appropriate.

Journeyofthedragons · 27/08/2021 17:52

When I was young I hated flirting by random men, unless they were hot of course, in which case fine

Boatonthehorizon · 27/08/2021 17:54

I think its flattering and sweet.
And that your generation are taking all the joy out of life.

Its like 'Only robotic, souless exhanges will be tolerated.'

Pumperthepumper · 27/08/2021 18:02

@Boatonthehorizon

I think its flattering and sweet. And that your generation are taking all the joy out of life.

Its like 'Only robotic, souless exhanges will be tolerated.'

Or just conversation based on mutual respect. Men manage fine not to speak like that to each other.

peppermintpat · 27/08/2021 18:08

@ZenNudist

It's not flattering. It is creepy. But it's not worth giving headspace too. I'd just forget it and use a different garage next time.

True.

Bertiebiscuit · 27/08/2021 18:18

Awful sexual harassment - I would complain to the owners of the garage to be honest

Kanaloa · 27/08/2021 18:22

@Boatonthehorizon

I think its flattering and sweet. And that your generation are taking all the joy out of life.

Its like 'Only robotic, souless exhanges will be tolerated.'

Why do you think that the two options are

Repeatedly comment on someone’s physical appearance, including saying you’ll ‘enjoy having them in the waiting room’ as if they’re an ornament, or

Robotic, soulless exchanges

For those of us who are fairly socially competent, there are many ways to have a pleasant interaction with someone without commenting three times in a relatively short exchange about how physically attractive you find them. I work in a shop and find I can easily start up conversations about the local area, children if they have any as I’m a mum, whatever item they are buying. I don’t resort to saying ‘ooh stand over there and wait for your order you handsome little thing you.’

OchonAgusOchonOh · 27/08/2021 18:24

@Boatonthehorizon - I think its flattering and sweet.

I think it's sad that you find being treated like that to be flattering and sweet.

And that your generation are taking all the joy out of life

Most older women (including me) who have any sort of self-respect and decent levels of self-esteem would not find that type of behaviour to be a source of joy.

Its like 'Only robotic, souless exhanges will be tolerated.'

You do realise there is a middle ground, that includes being respectful?

Notmrsfitz · 27/08/2021 18:33

Haven’t read all the replies.

I work in a male dominated environment - this kind of ‘sexist’ talk ‘banter’ doesn’t bother me at all - I just shrug it off and accept it’s just a way of speaking for some men …. Other men can really freak me out - the touchy feely ones mostly but for the most part it perks my day up being called sexy or gorgeous (I am
Neither but men will say anything to get their orders fulfilled) 😂

Margerine78 · 27/08/2021 18:35

The fact it was several comments and not just one, and you felt increasingly uncomfortable says it all. You were there to get your car fixed not to be objectified - when will men not get this.

dworky · 27/08/2021 18:47

Doesn't matter the age, it is never flattering for a man to rate your appearance as if you're a mere object for their approval!

Journeyofthedragons · 27/08/2021 18:50

@Notmrsfitz

Haven’t read all the replies.

This really isn't right, you should report them to your HR department.

whynotwhatknot · 27/08/2021 18:53

My dh calls people pet just a thing where hes from but nothing personal like youre pretty your partner is lucky he went too far

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/08/2021 19:00

This thread is so fucking depressing. "Oh it's just his age, it was normal when he was younger."

It was also "normal" for men to beat their wives and children, refer to people of other ethnicities as N-words and P-words, to restrict their wives' access to finances, for bank managers to require a husband's permission for the wife to open a current account...
WE'VE MOVED ON.

I'd have had his balls for my keychain just for "Princess" let alone the other deeply unprofessional and creepy shite.

Time for a Google review and a de-recommendation in the group you found him in. And if it's a chain garage (ATS, Formula 1 etc) then I'd report to the head office.

Nightlystroll · 27/08/2021 19:17

Why do people care so much if some women aren't bothered by the guy's behaviour? You do you, and leave other people to do them.

Nightlystroll · 27/08/2021 19:24

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation
I'd have had his balls for my keychain

Yeah, no you wouldn't. You would never have held him down, cut off his testicles and then carried them round in your handbag as proof of what you'd done. That's just big talk to make yourself sound clever. A bit like the garage guy really.

TerraNovaTwo · 27/08/2021 19:30

Incredibly creepy. Especially being 100% older than your DF, and making moves on you. Male entitlement right there.

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