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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

362 replies

georgeaibu · 26/08/2021 13:08

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 26/08/2021 22:37

[quote BigRedFrog]@Pumperthepumper I've nothing to be embarrassed about, nor in a corner, however I read posts correctly, something that you should learn to do really before jumping on the wagon.
I would suggest that you return to the beginning and start again, but equally I would suggest that in your case it would be a waste of time.
I can't engage with silly girls, so I'll bid you farewell and carry on with the banter which you may or may not think is appropriate.
Goodbye.[/quote]
Ok. Good luck with your colleagues, I can only imagine what they really think of you and your banter if you’re this sensitive to any retort.

BigRedFrog · 26/08/2021 22:38

@Kanaloa I would suggest that you also re-read the posts, and correctly this time.
I'm never uncomfortable or unhappy, but thanks for your contribution.
Goodnight.

BigRedFrog · 26/08/2021 22:41

Not sensitive in the least, unlike some on this thread.
I do however, read posts correctly and find people who don't rather wearying.
I'll bid you farewell once more.

brokenbiscuitsx · 26/08/2021 22:41

@Thethreecs

It wouldn't bother me tbh. He was just complementing you. This generation grew up with this type of talk so it's ingrained in them, it's difficult for them to change their ways as they've been doing it for so long. He wasn't been leery, so it was his way of complementing you. Saying a person's other half is lucky is something I even say myself and I often have to stop myself as so many people are offended by it. If he had been younger and good looking would you have been offended or found it inappropriate ?
This generation grew up with this type of talk so it's ingrained in them, it's difficult for them to change their ways as they've been doing it for so long.

Would you say this about a racist though

Pumperthepumper · 26/08/2021 22:45

@BigRedFrog

Not sensitive in the least, unlike some on this thread. I do however, read posts correctly and find people who don't rather wearying. I'll bid you farewell once more.
Sure, nice flounce though.
Blossomtoes · 26/08/2021 22:48

I think this is probably a conversation to keep in mind next time you’re tempted to be inappropriate to a young man for your own amusement

If I ever did that, perhaps. It’s probably a conversation to keep in mind the next time you’re tempted to put the boot into people because they don’t share your views.

Pumperthepumper · 26/08/2021 22:52

@Blossomtoes

I think this is probably a conversation to keep in mind next time you’re tempted to be inappropriate to a young man for your own amusement

If I ever did that, perhaps. It’s probably a conversation to keep in mind the next time you’re tempted to put the boot into people because they don’t share your views.

I think you’re over estimating the quality of your contribution. Once you said you were predatory to young men for your own amusement, even when it wasn’t reciprocated, I realised you’re just another creep.

That won’t offend you though because of all the banter you enjoy.

BigRedFrog · 26/08/2021 22:52

Flounce? No dear, just for the reason that I stated. I have no desire to sit up all night discussing a subject that will never be resolved or conclusive to both parties.
I think you will agree that it would be a waste of everyone's time.

Pumperthepumper · 26/08/2021 22:53

@BigRedFrog

Flounce? No dear, just for the reason that I stated. I have no desire to sit up all night discussing a subject that will never be resolved or conclusive to both parties. I think you will agree that it would be a waste of everyone's time.
So are you going or not?

Is your banter better than this at work?

toocold54 · 26/08/2021 22:57

I have friends who say things like ‘love, darling, princess, boss, queen, sugarplum’ etc etc which some people may be offended by but that’s how their mums talk and I find it lovely but talking about how pretty a customer is is completely unacceptable and cringey and definitely not professional.

Shallwegoforawalk · 26/08/2021 23:01

@Blossomtoes I really don't see Pumper as being a bully, more like showing how actions can appear to those on the receiving end and pointing out how it can feel to be made uncomfortable or challenged. Has it made you reconsider your "flirting" - could you be making men young enough to be your child feel uncomfortable? or nauseous 🤮

Blossomtoes · 26/08/2021 23:10

[quote Shallwegoforawalk]@Blossomtoes I really don't see Pumper as being a bully, more like showing how actions can appear to those on the receiving end and pointing out how it can feel to be made uncomfortable or challenged. Has it made you reconsider your "flirting" - could you be making men young enough to be your child feel uncomfortable? or nauseous 🤮[/quote]
I really don’t give a shit whether you think she’s a bully. She clearly is. Bullying one person might cast doubt, but she’s used precisely the same tactics on two of us now.

I’ve never mentioned men young enough to be my child, you just made that up. Neither have I mentioned making anyone feel uncomfortable, you and the bully have done that. It’s entirely possible to debate an issue without fabrication, insult and aggression. You should both try it sometime.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/08/2021 23:11

He hasn’t got the memo that women under a certain age dislike compliments. I’m a similar age to him and become more flirtatious as I get older, in the sure and certain knowledge that nobody would take me seriously.

It's not a compliment to receive multiple comments on your appearance without reciprocating the tone.

What is this mythical age you speak of? Just so I know how much longer I'm able to be uncomfortable with unsolicited comments on my appearance from strangers who continue to make said comments despite me not responding in kind or with pleasure?

ididitsocanyou · 26/08/2021 23:13

I’m starting to feel a bit sorry for the mechanic now.

Soontobe60 · 26/08/2021 23:21

Interestingly (to me at least) I popped into McDonald’s today to grab a coffee and sit in the sun for a while. I was greeted by a 40 something woman who was all ‘sweetie’, ‘dear’, ‘darling’, ‘my love’. It was really OTT, even my own mother wouldn’t address me like that! We do get lots of ‘love’ here from shopkeepers / shop assistants, so it’s not a big deal. It was the sheer volume of endearments that she used!

LimeRedBanana · 26/08/2021 23:24

Love posters bidding us farewell (multiple times), while furiously refreshing the page. Grin

Gotta love the bantz.

TertiusLydgate · 26/08/2021 23:31

I work in construction and wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said I get comments like this every day.

It tends to be from older men and I generally do not to let it bother me. I think it’s smarmy at worst and hopefully, they are a dying breed.

When it’s younger guys (and then it tends to be much more forthcoming), it does annoy/offend me.

Kanaloa · 26/08/2021 23:37

@BigRedFrog

Why are you calling people ‘sweet cheeks’ and ‘dear’ when trying to put them down? Is it an attempt to make them feel silly/small? Or is it to make them uncomfortable? It doesn’t come across very well.

NotMyCat · 26/08/2021 23:45

Not on. I work in a garage, I do get "love/duck/pet" from customers sometimes but some of it is ingrained (duck is a really local one and they use it like punctuation!)
We are maybe unusual in that sales is 50/50 male and female, and service is heavily female weighted (2 men!)
Any of the male colleagues trying it would be told to pipe down dickhead they wouldn't dare anyway

worriedatthemoment · 27/08/2021 00:08

Wouldn't bother me of someone his age and also in certain areas its how people speak
My old uncle called every woman darlin

Pumperthepumper · 27/08/2021 07:14

It’s entirely possible to debate an issue without fabrication, insult and aggression.

I think the irony of this might be lost on you.

fizbosshoes · 27/08/2021 07:18

I would also feel uncomfortable with that.i go to a recommended garage and one of the mechanics often calls me darling over the phone and seems over familiar, I find it quite off putting .

Comtesse · 27/08/2021 07:31

It is GROSS that guys (of any age) feel you need the benefit of their opinion on your looks. I don’t object to “princess” particularly but it is a bit naff.

bunnybuggs · 27/08/2021 11:37

earlydancing
There are about 30m women in the UK. 30m women are not going to agree on everything. So how about those women who are offended say, don't do that again. And those who are not offended just get on with their lives. Why don't we women take responsibility for ourselves and respond as we think appropriate, and not judge other women for thinking and responding differently? I have no problem saying to anyone, man or woman, don't call me love. I'm not insulted or patronised , I just don't like it. Most of my friends don't care - it's common usage where I live. They don't comment on me not liking it, I don't comment on them not being bothered. I certainly wouldn't call them internalised misogynists or any other such crap. If you're responsible enough to vote; have kids; fight, possibly die, for your country; then you should be capable of saying to a man, don't call me princess. FFS.

This ^^

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 27/08/2021 11:43

@bunnybuggs

earlydancing There are about 30m women in the UK. 30m women are not going to agree on everything. So how about those women who are offended say, don't do that again. And those who are not offended just get on with their lives. Why don't we women take responsibility for ourselves and respond as we think appropriate, and not judge other women for thinking and responding differently? I have no problem saying to anyone, man or woman, don't call me love. I'm not insulted or patronised , I just don't like it. Most of my friends don't care - it's common usage where I live. They don't comment on me not liking it, I don't comment on them not being bothered. I certainly wouldn't call them internalised misogynists or any other such crap. If you're responsible enough to vote; have kids; fight, possibly die, for your country; then you should be capable of saying to a man, don't call me princess. FFS.

This ^^

Yep. 'Internalized misogyny' ffs! Do me a fucking favour.