Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

He made me feel like absolute shit in front of my daughter, small, ugly and humiliated**

Well done OP

Regarding what you said about .. how would you of reacted if he said no drinks because she's fit (or something along those lines) would you of been okay with that and took it as a compliment or still complained as it's unprofessional ?

(Just curious that's all)

@icelollycraving

I would have replied "there aren't enough drinks in the world for me to entertain you' then I would have asked to see a manager. Perhaps easier said than done but I am quite arsey. They have listened and acted. I would not feel happy for someone to lose their job, however shitty the comment.

Yeah, I agree with this.

He totally made a dumb comment and should not have said what he did, but to loose his job seems like overkill.

Great update OP, well done for standing up for yourself and other women who he would have most likely continued to demean.

Not your fault or problem if he lost his job, that’s down to the supermarket’s own policies.

@Frauhubert

Why would you care a butcher in a supermarket finds you unattractive? And be ‘glad’ he lost his job. You are so vain

And the award for spectacularly missing the actual issue goes to...

@Frauhubert Ok 👍

Wow I remember your thread. I expected him to get a severe telling off and an official warning but if he to lose his job it is quite extreme (not your fault/problem obviously you just repeated what happened). Well done for reporting it, I'm not sure how exactly the supermarket could have done more though, you can't force someone to apologise and if he did it wouldn't have been sincere anyway.

Actually from your update it doesn't sound like he has been fired. It sounds more like a disciplinary process has been started

*I’m not going to do this but I feel better they gave this option as I was chasing them up a bit with emails etc.

It was a week ago, (not a couple of weeks as in your OP) there was no reason to be chasing it up. They needed to set up a meeting, give him due notice, interview him formally, ask witnesses etc.

I don't know where you are but I think it depends on his contract and legal rules about gross misocnduct and so on.

This is an interesting update and I certainly don't shed any tears for the misogynist arse - maybe if more people were called out on this judgemental shit, people like him would think twice.

But, candidly, please try to think about why this has bothered you so much that even after the guy has lost his job, you're still wondering if more could be done. This suggests to me that you do place a disproportionate value on personal appearance. It was obvious from your last thread - I didn't jump in cos the last thing you needed was more of a pile on, but your continued ruminating about this does suggest you value yourself primarily on the basis of looks / figure so this was the ultimate insult and as such you're struggling to let it go.

I recommend trying work out where this perspective comes from and trying to move on from it. Ive been ugly / fat all my life but as I watch my attractive / slim friends deal with ageing, it's very clear those whose self esteem has been based entirely on their value to men. It doesn't serve us well in the long run.

@Samafe

I think they did even too much honestly

Same.

@3Br1tnee

But why?
His job is customer facing, and was at a butchers counter so properly interacting with customers. A lot of those customers will be woman. It is in a tourist area. A lot of those female customer will not speak to language.

He has shown how he behaves to women who dont speak the language. His colleague identified him and it all happened quite quickly, which should tell you a little about how even his colleagues view his behaviour.

Why should a man like that be allowed to continue working in a role were he is having interaction with foreign women, who he enjoys belittling?
If that was your company, your store, would you hire a man like that?

OP of course his comment was shitty and below the belt but it seems to have really affected you, potentially more than it might have affected others which makes me wonder if you already have self esteem issues? Thing is, he has (potentially) lost his job. His income, his livelihood, maybe with no reference. That’s a lot for a person and to me would be more than enough (would be too much personally) but you’re obsessing over exactly what is going to happen and feel frustrated that this isn’t enough and I am wondering why this is?

How many drinks for you to sleep with her

How presumptuous of him that you'd find him in any way attractive. This always baffles me about this reasoning. There are so many men assuming that any woman is available to them for sex and that they get to do the choosing, when it is often the other way around.

@DrJohnZoidberg Because it was a very shitty experience, had to be there I guess. I’m not obsessing over it, I posted an update. No self esteem issues really, just felt really humiliating

God, it was a misogynist dumbass comment but one to which I would have preferred personally to deal with myself, in the local tongue, to see the look on the bastard's face.
e.g. How many drinks for me to sleep with you, more like, mate? Trust me, rohypnol would be a blessing (except I could only manage the first one as not native speaker standard).
As it is, he has lost his job in a pandemic. His fault entirely. But surely that is punishment enough for you.

@DrJohnZoidberg

OP of course his comment was shitty and below the belt but it seems to have really affected you, potentially more than it might have affected others which makes me wonder if you already have self esteem issues? Thing is, he has (potentially) lost his job. His income, his livelihood, maybe with no reference. That’s a lot for a person and to me would be more than enough (would be too much personally) but you’re obsessing over exactly what is going to happen and feel frustrated that this isn’t enough and I am wondering why this is?

Imagine. Man fired for unpleasant, unprofessional, misogynistic workplace behaviour. No income, livelihood, no reference. It’s almost like this kind of behaviour doesn’t usually come with any consequences.

@StarryStarrySocks

What he said was unacceptable and he was rightly reprimanded. But I can't imagine being "glad" that someone had lost his job because of me.

Surely he list his job because of what HE did/said? I agree with OPs - put this behind you now.

I haven't read the original thread - but if he has been fired why would he also be finishing his contract?
Surely if you're fired then you go immediately? Wouldn't it be risky to have a worker who might sabotage the work place etc?
I don't think he has been fired at all - I bet if you go in in a couple of months he is still there!

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@randomusernameagain But him losing his job isn’t because of me, is it?! Surely it’s because of him?![/quote]
It is because of him. You didn’t cause this; he’s experiencing the natural consequence of misogynistically abusing his customers to their faces. Why should anyone stay in a job after doing that?

People saying it’s “because of you” have a warped outlook.

@Regularsizedrudy

I can’t believe the amount of sympathy and bonkers made up back story people are giving this misogynistic prick. If he didn’t want to lose his job he should have acted appropriately. I’m glad he got fired and I don’t give a shit if he can’t find another job. Actions have consequences, op did totally the right thing.

Yep.

Women have had to put up with this shit consistently forever. Well done for doing this. If he thinks this is an acceptable way to speak about other human beings then he really doesn't deserve any sympathy.

Well done op. You are very brave snd I appreciate you sticking up for woman kind.

Hmm. You’d need to post wording but no that doesn’t say he is being fired. He might be, but the disciplinary process needs to be followed.

Look op they are dealing with it. I get you feel shit, but I think it’s time to move on, it’s fine wanting him fired but wanting even more, I don’t even know what that means, Money? Is not ok. He was rude about you, he shouldn’t have made cracks about how drunk a bloke would have to be to shag you but it’s being dealt with. You sound even more upset and vengeful than before.

Let it go now ok.

While it was a shitty thing to say, he did get fired.
A Warning wouldve been enough tbh.
You seem to be very pleased that some one has lost their job. But you are still going on about him, what do you think a suitable punishment would be for him? He did say something nasty, hes going to pay dearly for a poor joke that he made, but it seems like you want him to be hung, drawn and quartered. You sound awful

@MumofSpud

I haven't read the original thread - but if he has been fired why would he also be finishing his contract? Surely if you're fired then you go immediately? Wouldn't it be risky to have a worker who might sabotage the work place etc? I don't think he has been fired at all - I bet if you go in in a couple of months he is still there!

Ooh that’s a good point. I would communicate with them via email (get their statement in writing) and follow up on that.