Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

Well done OP! Hopefully he will be kinder in future. Thanks for the update.

I also don't see what else they could do. Unless OP is now after compensation/vouchers, which will do nothing to make her feel better.
It sounds like a good place to shop, as they've taken action against the complaint, you now know that they take that sort of thing seriously and if anything else were to happen, they'd deal with it. I don't think UK shops would have fired him in that situation, I would have given him a final warning if he hadn't had any previously.

He lost his job as a consequence of his own actions.

Don't let people make you feel guilty about this OP.

You felt shitty because he was horrible to you. And worse, about you, because that kind of behaviour puts doubt in your mind.

Whether people think this is a sackable offence or not is nothing to do with you.

And although you still feel that this is unresolved, there is nothing external that can be done now.

You have done all you can, and the only thing left in your power is about your response. Be proud that you stood up for your dignity.

I'm not saying you should take pleasure in the fact he lost his job, but do not feel guilt about it. Feel power. You have demonstrated that this is not acceptable behaviour.

It reminds me of the Tony Benn quote: pay attention to how your government treats refugees, as it's how they'd treat you if they could get away with it.

This bloke is a massive sexist knobhead. He thought he could get away with it and has been proven very wrong indeed.

Well done.

You complained
They sacked him
Now get on with your day

@reallyisthisallthereis

If he has lost his job, then yes. What else would you expect them to do? Also, he admitted it. I would take that as a win and put it behind you.

Agree. What more do you want?

@MzHz Lived here for many years and never ever had a problem with anyone, probably why it shocked me even more

@Regularsizedrudy

I can’t believe the amount of sympathy and bonkers made up back story people are giving this misogynistic prick. If he didn’t want to lose his job he should have acted appropriately. I’m glad he got fired and I don’t give a shit if he can’t find another job. Actions have consequences, op did totally the right thing.

I know it is not in the U.K. but if someone couldn’t get another job in the U.K. then they would have to rely on benefits supplied by the tax payer. Where is that a good thing? We should always enable a way to earn a living.

I think the OP has a good win for dealing with this inappropriate behaviour and this sends a good message that it is unacceptable and we should applaud that and now move on.

Ignore all the victim blamers OP. It's 100% him and not your fault in any way, shape or form.

Once he's gone though, I think you should definitely return to that supermarket.

a) him and his views are not representative of them. They showed that in their actions.
b) why should you lose out? That just makes his impact on your life worse, and for longer

Well done OP.

A few mumsnetters suffering from internalised sexism on here. Maybe it will take something as serious as this for him to take stock and seriously reflect - no one here knows whether this guy stops at nasty comments or capable of worse based on his evident hatred of women.

What Country is it ? 🌸

@Cam2020

FWIW, I'm too surprised he was fired rather than a warning.

He might have already had warnings for all we know.

Yes we don't know what else has gone on. I was a senior manager in HR, sometimes you'd go into a disciplinary thinking it would be fairly straightforward and you end up with some one shouting and screaming abuse at you. Funnily enough I didn't stand for that. I've had other probably more serious ones where the person seemed genuinely sorry and regretted their actions. In that case I might think retraining/demoting or something would actually be more appropriate.

That's without even thinking if this is their first, 2nd, 3rd offence.

He made me feel like absolute shit in front of my daughter, small, ugly and humiliated,

I get why you complained and I think you were right to do so, but what relevance is your daughter’s presence if she’s just a toddler. Did she understand what he was saying?

What was said about you was appalling but the presence of your child who presumably had very little comprehension of what was said, if any, is not relevant.

Thanks for all tbe support everyone, I don’t feel pleasure but I also don’t feel bad, which is surprising as I’m usually a sensitive, soft person.
Reading over the emails, am I wrong in making the assumption he’s going to be fired. It said that he admitted to it and immediate action was taken in relation to him, however there are legal guidelines that need to be met until these measures take effect.
They said this type of attitude is not acceptable within their company, therefore measures were taken accordingly.

What do you take from that? I assumed he wouldn’t be working there when the contract was up for example?

They sent a follow up email, apologising and giving me the option to go in and the manger would go through the process with me.
I’m not going to do this but I feel better they gave this option as I was chasing them up a bit with emails etc.

Will go back in when he’s gone

I don't feel sorry for the guy. If he has a family to support, he should take his work seriously and not make insulting comments about customers right in front of them (or anywhere in public), regardless of whether he believes they could understand. It's unprofessional and reflects poorly on the business, so yes, he deserves to lose his job. I'm sure he'll find another job, somewhere. It's not as though OP has kept him from ever being employed again.

On the other hand, the business did all they should. Personally, I'd be mortified if they'd put me in contact with him so he could apologise. I'd wait until I was sure he was gone, then consider shopping there again, if you like.

As for why he said those things, it's because he's an idiot who uses insults about others to feel better about himself and to try to impress similarly-stupid people with what passes for wit in their circle. It's a shame, but people like that exist everywhere. Try not to dwell on it. His comment says nothing about you and everything about him.

OP, I'm glad he got fired, that's a completely unacceptable comment to make. Something you'd hear in my home country...
I understand you want an apology, didn't the supermarket send you one withthe updates?

OP don't waste your time worrying about him getting the sack. You told his employer what happened, they made the decision about what was the appropriate next step. None of that is down to you. He sounds very juvenile and hopefully he has learned something. You just need to put it behind you now, he isn't worth it.

@Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum

Thanks for all tbe support everyone, I don’t feel pleasure but I also don’t feel bad, which is surprising as I’m usually a sensitive, soft person. Reading over the emails, am I wrong in making the assumption he’s going to be fired. It said that he admitted to it and immediate action was taken in relation to him, however there are legal guidelines that need to be met until these measures take effect. They said this type of attitude is not acceptable within their company, therefore measures were taken accordingly.

What do you take from that? I assumed he wouldn’t be working there when the contract was up for example?

They sent a follow up email, apologising and giving me the option to go in and the manger would go through the process with me.
I’m not going to do this but I feel better they gave this option as I was chasing them up a bit with emails etc.

Will go back in when he’s gone

No, I wouldn't automatically assume from that message that he had been fired.

@Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum I'd assume that means they need to go through a full disciplinary procedure.
I wouldn't automatically assume the outcome is that he's sacked because it may not come to that.

I think it's fantastic the supermarket took this seriously and terminated his employment. Hooray, a man was not excused or made excuses for and given a warning! What country is this, cos I'd like to move there!
I'm really pleased you got justice op and got that in time you are able to consider the fact that he is a very nasty person to have made this comment, means you will attribute little weight to it in measuring your self worth. In my experience people's whose minds dwell in the gutter like this need little provocation to trot out some revolting mind sewage and as such it is no reflection on you.

Christ I think I take things too far but this takes the cake à bit

OP employment laws will vary. In England you can be immediately dismissed without notice for gross misconduct or you can be dismissed and still be entitled to contractual notice period. That can mean working the notice period or an employer might put them on gardening leave.

Maybe that is what they mean about the contract? He's working his contractual notice period.

I would have replied "there aren't enough drinks in the world for me to entertain you' then I would have asked to see a manager. Perhaps easier said than done but I am quite arsey.
They have listened and acted. I would not feel happy for someone to lose their job, however shitty the comment.

The way things work here, I think it’s difficult to terminate immediately, they have to give notice according to the contract…I think. I was assuming that was what they meant by legal guidelines and they were letting him go. Perhaps they’re not then.
I’m going to read through the emails again

OP you won. You won because you stood up for yourself and complained. You won because his employer took it seriously. What more can you do? Walk back into that shop with your head held high. If it was me, I'd march right in and say in his language: Still here? Ah well...

Why would you care a butcher in a supermarket finds you unattractive? And be ‘glad’ he lost his job. You are so vain