Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

Why blame the OP. if the guy kept his mouth shut a complaint wouldn't have been made

If he hasn’t been fired, that is up to the shop and not you. You are not judge and jury on this, but his employer has to respond as THEY see fit. You reported it. That was all you could do. Their role is to decide what action (if any…..and they could choose to do little or nothing g if they want to…it is their choice and not yours) to take.

Dwelling on the incident, dwelling on what the shop is doing to ‘punish’ him is not not helping you.

You have done all you could it terms of reporting it. Now make real efforts to stop thinking about the incident or the shop response. You will never know exactly what their response is and need to realise you’re developing an unhealthy interest in knowing what it is…plus have zero right to know it, as even shop workers who say entirely inappropriate and abusive things to customers still have rights to privacy.

Move on and make a real effort to come off this thread. If you really can’t you need to recognise this is becoming a problem or is part of a bigger problem which goes well beyond this one-off incident and seek some therapy.

They’ve said they will deal with the matter. They’ve apologised. This may not now mean he has been dismissed. They’ve asked you to go in and discuss it if you want but you’ve refused.

Absolutely your call.

For what it is worth, I don’t believe one comment is cause for dismissal but they should absolutely be subject to monitoring, have a warning, be spoken to or whatever procedure they have in place. If he carries on in the same vein, then dismissal it should be.

But now it has been dealt with, let it go. What he said wasn’t nice and it wasn’t a patch on some of the things I’ve had over the years (y’know what with being fat and ugly and all) and I’m still kicking.

It doesn’t excuse it. It doesn’t make it ok. But to give it so much headspace isn’t healthy.

Don’t be chasing the drama. You’ve made your feelings known. They’ve paid heed. Move on.

@HalzTangz

Why blame the OP. if the guy kept his mouth shut a complaint wouldn't have been made

I think it's fine to make a complaint and I would have made one too, but the reaction that even a sacking (the ultimate punishment) isn't enough for him is a bit vindictive imo.

@WombatChocolate Therapy 🤷🏻‍♀️Honestly, I would just like to know they’ve dealt with it properly and taken it seriously and draw a line under it. I’m not sure of that at the present time, that’s my issue

@peacelily3

‘How many drinks for you to sleep with her?’ [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am]]iibeingunreasonable/4326889--How-many-drinks-for-you-to-sleep-with-her

Previous thread here

And how come this TAAT is allowed when mine was taken down from Site Stuff?

@Gwenhwyfar I didn’t realise it wasn’t allowed, okay 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jesus, I feel like I’ve been jumped on and have done something wrong when I was the one upset and had something done to me.

@Gwenhwyfar because it's not necessarily a TAAT. It's a continuation of a previous thread where the OP is able to elaborate on the story further.

I think I would make a point of shopping there - they took a stand against misogyny and that is worth supporting. Glad there was a resolution for you.

Obviously you didn’t read the OPs first thread where her initial concern regarding this incident was that due to her weight gain she was no longer attractive to men.

Thanks but I did read it, actually. So much for “obviously”.

How the OP saw herself at that vulnerable moment does not make it any more justifiable for you to sneer at her — even ironically, if that was what you were aiming for— that a stranger’s sexualised bullying should fuel her weight loss journey.

It actually makes what you said nastier, more personally targeted. Just — ugh. Horrible.

You CANNOT know that they have taken it seriously and addressed it ‘properly’ in the way you judge proper….whether that means sacking him, or something else in your eyes. You CANNOT be told that info.

You now that, even if you didn’t before.

Your desire to know this stuff, has become an issue in itself in this thread, instead of the issue in the original thread about what he said. No-one is jumping on you or criticising your reporting the shop workers behaviour….but people are concerned and critical about your desire to know the detail of what has happened to him. It is not your right.

Move on.

@Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum

Thanks for all tbe support everyone, I don’t feel pleasure but I also don’t feel bad, which is surprising as I’m usually a sensitive, soft person. Reading over the emails, am I wrong in making the assumption he’s going to be fired. It said that he admitted to it and immediate action was taken in relation to him, however there are legal guidelines that need to be met until these measures take effect. They said this type of attitude is not acceptable within their company, therefore measures were taken accordingly.

What do you take from that? I assumed he wouldn’t be working there when the contract was up for example?

They sent a follow up email, apologising and giving me the option to go in and the manger would go through the process with me.
I’m not going to do this but I feel better they gave this option as I was chasing them up a bit with emails etc.

Will go back in when he’s gone

I think you should go and see the manager. That sounds like a disciplinary was held, and doest sound like he was fired or not having contract renewed

If an investigation took place at my place of work in the UK due to a customer complaint and I was reprimanded, they wouldn't be able to disclose the exact action against me to you here either. Unless to say 'the member of staff is no longer employed here'.

They'd also, quite rightly, not tell you my shift pattern and how long I'll be there for etc...

Think about it this way; they can't be disclosing the whereabouts of a staff member to someone who is, again - rightly, peed off with him. Opens them up to all kinds of sh*t should you turn up and threaten him or someone is waiting for him outside etc. You've mentioned that you've sent a few emails digging for more info already so perhaps they fear it more so, the more it is going on.

Not entirely sure why you need to know the in's and out's to be honest. They've advised that the investigation has led to him being reprimanded and that they are sorry that this has happened. That's all there is that they can do... Unless you're after vouchers or something? (Kind of smells like this to me). In which case follow up and say thanks for the apology however you'd request to be financially compensated for the trauma.

If you remain unhappy, go to the local press or social media. They'll issue a statement saying pretty much what they've already told you and their reputation will be ruined. If that would resolve your issue?

Regardless of all of my comments above (genuine observations and opinions - not intended to be 'bashing' in nature), I am really sorry that you have been shamed in such a way by some pig ignorant sexist who thought you couldn't understand him. No one should be verbally humiliated, and particularly so slyly. Hope you feel better soon x

@Omgjo Not interested in vouchers 🙄I’d just like to know what action has taken place. My fear is being here, action rarely does take place, not like the U.K. where I’d be assured it had done. They could be merely saying all the right things and he’s carrying on not giving a shit

100% what @WombatChocolate has been saying OP. No reasonable reputable company is going to divulge personal information such as a disciplinary proceeding or shift pattern.

I don't think you are going to get the final answer you actually want. It is starting to sound obsessive. I completely agree you were correct to report it, but now you've done your bit, you need to move on.

I don’t understand what more you could want? He’s been fired isn’t that the best possible outcome? Was you expecting money or vouchers or something?

It was a shit thing to say, he lost his job. End of.

@Lochroy That’s fine, but I can’t go back in there

@MessyLifeCleanHouse No, I don’t think he has

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@Omgjo Not interested in vouchers 🙄I’d just like to know what action has taken place. My fear is being here, action rarely does take place, not like the U.K. where I’d be assured it had done. They could be merely saying all the right things and he’s carrying on not giving a shit[/quote]
They're not going to tell you, nor should they.

@Regularsizedrudy

I can’t believe the amount of sympathy and bonkers made up back story people are giving this misogynistic prick. If he didn’t want to lose his job he should have acted appropriately. I’m glad he got fired and I don’t give a shit if he can’t find another job. Actions have consequences, op did totally the right thing.

This is the thing I can't get. Turn this in to "wibu to fire a waiter in my restaurant who unprompted told a customer he wouldn't fuck her unless he was hammered." And it's clear as day

I’d just like to know what action has taken place.

Why?

He behaved extremely inappropriately & unprofessionally, and I felt very sorry for you on your last thread.

Where are you based?

You rightly took action and made a complaint. You have been told that action was taken, and given some detail about what transpired. You have an opportunity to go & discuss it with the manager, but you don't want to 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think your approach as it's coming across in this thread is quite strange. As much as you are entitled to make a complaint, the staff member is entitled to due process.

I don't know why you are so focused on the action taken, and I think you are excessive about avoiding the store (that's of course your choice).

Go & talk to the manager if you've still got questions; otherwise move on.

I was in your side 100% but this is now getting a bit concerning.

It's a shop. With a lot of staff. And you cant go back in because a man made a comment? How do you get through life.

I agree that he should be sacked. He shouldn't be working in a customer facing role, and he shouldn't be allowed to continue at this job because he needs to learn a lesson. But you saying you cannot go back into a supermarket because one man made a stupid comment? That is concerning.

Feel a bit bad for him tbh. He made a ridiculous throwaway comment feeling certain you wouldn’t understand what he was saying. He shouldn’t have said it of course but he’s now lost his livelihood which could have much bigger implications for his family if he has one. Not sure whether it will be the same there as it is here but there’s a period after getting fired where you can’t even claim benefits…

I appreciate he was a total buffoon and he shouldn’t have said it, also sorry you were upset but to lose his job? It just seems a bit extreme, I think I’d feel awful knowing my complaint had caused this personally.

That’s fine, but I can’t go back in there

And that is your choice OP. Just as well vouchers aren’t the endgame as you wouldn’t be able to use them.

But you won't ever know the action and that is absolutely fair. So, unfortunately, if you don't have a comeback (I.e. compensation) then your only option is to go to the press or take to social media and get the supermarket in the public eye. They'll give the pretty much the same statement as they have to you already though.

I know you feel you deserve to know the details but really, it's none of your business.

I'm not giving details but trust me - I dealt with a company once over an issue on behalf of someone who ended up dying - stress related within weeks of the issue occuring - and the family still had no right to know what the outcome was other than what was going to be put in place to prevent things happening again and that the investigation had been concluded with appropriate steps being taken. That was enough for the family. They trusted the companies judgement.

If you dont trust this supermarket's judgement then your issue is now a separate one to the original complaint. In which case, take it further and go public - if that's what you want to do to get a resolution to how you're feeling/validation.

Best wishes