Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

@Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum

You’re the one ‘fighting your corner’ as you made a thread asking what more the shop can do other than sack the man. You made a thread, you invite people to give opinions, even the ones that don’t agree with you, that’s how AIBU works

I’ve no idea why people are arguing with me, really no idea.
Thanks to the ones who supported me and on the original thread and convinced me to report the matter, which I don’t think I would’ve done without the support.

@Winemewhynot Ok 👍 opinions is one thing though, isn’t it. This is quite another, Enjoy your evening.

The shop cannot and should not tell you when that worker is there or will no longer be there. They have rightly addressed your valid complaint in a reasonable way, and you have no right to know all 5e details of exactly how and when it has been addressed. You have to accept that.

It is now time to move on. You took the right action and so did the shop and knowing those things should empower you to move on. If you need help to deal with this issue or others in the past, then seek some professional help. You can ask the question of yourself ‘do I want to dwell on this or do I want to move beyond it’ and ‘are there other issues in my life which I need help with or to address’.

Hold your head high and carry on with your life. Shop in that store again if you want to, boycott it for a few weeks if you want and then return, or do t shop there if you don’t want to. And don’t allow yourself to think about it all too much…..in the end if you let this become a bigger thing in your mind and life, it will hurt and damage you and influence how you behave. Don’t give the incident the headspace to allow it to do that.

@WombatChocolate I understand that. I only want to know what action has actually been taken as it’s not what I initially assumed

What he said was shitty.

But losing his job for a shitty comment, really?

I'd have liked him tarred, feathered and put in stocks, unfortunately I don't think the supermarket is allowed to that 🤔

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@WombatChocolate I understand that. I only want to know what action has actually been taken as it’s not what I initially assumed[/quote]
I'm not sure that anyone on here will be familiar with employment law in the country you are in. In England he is entitled to privacy and all you would be told is that it has been dealt with.

@ancientgran Ok thank you, so you think they’d likely just leave it there and that’s it

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@ancientgran Ok thank you, so you think they’d likely just leave it there and that’s it[/quote]
I don't know where they are leaving it but if they are telling you it is dealt with then you have to accept that and trust them to do the right thing.

OP why did you say you didn’t have self esteem issues when you have repeatedly said you do on the other thread? I was trying to be supportive, don’t see why you’ve thrown that back in my face at all. But never mind, hope you feel better and get what you want out of this situation.

If this was the UK - which it's not - it would sound to me more like a formal warning, which someone quite this stupid may think of as getting away with it. He may even think it's "all your fault for grassing him up" and take out his inadequacy on other women

Personally I'd expect a recent employee to be fired for this before he has chance to spread his offence still further, but obviously I can' speak for how it's done elsewhere

Why is he working until the end of his contract, surely fired means employment terminated with immediate effect.
But well done for complaining he deserves it

You're not me. I would have said " there's not enough alcohol in the world to make me sleep with you pal". Imagine the look on his face when he realised you knew what he was saying! And I wouldn't have got him sacked.

By asking have they done enough, are you fishing for some monetary compensation from the supermarket.

He's been fired, leave it at that and draw a line under it

@Puzzledandpissedoff Yes, I’m beginning to think that too, I don’t think they’ve taken it as seriously as I assumed they had

I think him losing his job is over the top and not something I would be pleased about

In the current economic crisis I think everyone needs their jobs

I think a warning would of been enough.

Yes he was rude , but I'm not sure I'd be crying about it.

I would be contacting supermarket and asking them to reinstate him and just give him a warning

@HalzTangz No, not monetary, I explained up thread.
I think it’s possible he hasn’t been fired, I think I jumped to that conclusion possibly.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@WombatChocolate I understand that. I only want to know what action has actually been taken as it’s not what I initially assumed[/quote]
They don't have to tell you that.

You cannot be told what the specific action or dates etc is.
It might be what you imagine or not what you imagine and it is right that you don’t know that information. It is between the employer and the employee and nothing to do with you, even thought the incident which resulted in the action involved you. The fact it involved you, gives you no right to know the detail and the actions of the shop worker don’t invalidate his legal right to privacy.

So you have to live without knowing the detail of their action against him.
The fact it is so important to you to know the detail means you are struggling to let go of this. You have to trust that they are handling it properly, even without knowing the detail and accept that even if you did know the detail you might not agree with it, but it’s not for you to decide what consequences he should face but for his employer to decide.

So you should not be in further contact with the shop about the matter. If you need to seek counselling help because you cannot out this behind you, then do. Otherwise, hold your head high and move forward. Your only 5ought in all this should be to be pleased with yourself that you responded in a positive way by reporting it, and that having done this the incident is closed as far as you are concerned.

@Mojoj Yes, I would’ve said that in the past or to a friend if it happened to them, i just couldn’t in the situation itself, I just sort of froze, really weird.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@ancientgran Ok thank you, so you think they’d likely just leave it there and that’s it[/quote]
He could have had a verbal warning, he could have had a written warning, he could have to undergo training, he could have been fired.

ancientgran is correct that you should not be told the outcome of any investigation.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@pinganail No, I think I want an apology if that makes sense or just to know why me, why he does that. I hope he understands that it’s humiliating and upsetting, I hope he gives a shit and doesn’t make someone else feel like that.[/quote]
If he was told to apologise it wouldn't be sincere.
If he gave a shit he wouldn't have made the comment in the first place.

What use would an insincere apology be to you?

@WombatChocolate They invited me into the store to talk through the process with the manager 🤷🏻‍♀️I’m really not sure I want to do that

@HalzTangz Yep, would be no use, just have to accept some people are arseholes.