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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 12:30

I don't know how you are still there, I would have faked and illness packed and gone home. I can only imagine you are sticking it out with gritted teeth for your dc (lucky dc they are too)

Is there enough wine in the world to get through the last dew days..

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 12:38

@hpprincess

Dying to know what happened about the climbing wall!

Was she annoyed did she say anything? Did the kids??

I don't know as I walked off to pay for his session so didn't see the response 🤣 he's been on, and nothing has been said!
OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 27/08/2021 12:42

She must be picking up vibes here from you @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop. If she doesn't she's as clueless as her 8 yr old at taking social cues!

starfishmummy · 27/08/2021 12:42

*She wanted to stop YOUR children from using the climbing wall because her children don't like them?!

She talks about fairness but keeps HER child up to 11pm! I am assuming the climbing wall was one thing Alyssa is not the best at, so no one is allowed to do it!*

I'm suspecting this is a tit for tat thing. She's probably having a quiet seethe about the OP saying the child should go to bed at 8.30 and stay there, so is now trying to impose her will on the OPS kids.

I expect Alyssa will be up all night again tonight.

stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 12:48

That is no basis for a friendship starfish it will become or already is as toxic as hell.

OverByYer · 27/08/2021 12:50

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving. So glad my children are grown up now!
OP your friend is very annoying

PoppenhuisStories · 27/08/2021 12:53
  • I'm suspecting this is a tit for tat thing. She's probably having a quiet seethe about the OP saying the child should go to bed at 8.30 and stay there, so is now trying to impose her will on the OPS kids. I expect Alyssa will be up all night again tonight.*

This is also my take on it. Rocky roads ahead!

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 27/08/2021 12:55

[quote HermioneKipper]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop god it just gets worse and worse with the 3 breakfasts and no climbing walls for anyone! I’m sure she’s a lovely friend but my god she sounds like a useless parent.

I’ve got similar friends we don’t even have meals etc with now as I get all the “why is x allowed to eat her ice cream when she hasn’t even tried her dinner” shit from my 4 year old. “Because her mummy is a very ineffective parent” isn’t a reason I can give out loud![/quote]
Of course you have friends who are crap at parenting and of course your child is parented better.
You wouldn't be on aibu mumsnet if you didn't.

1AngelicFruitCake · 27/08/2021 13:01

Presumably that’s why you’re on here!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 13:02

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh are you just going to keep making the same accusation?

OP posts:
DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 27/08/2021 13:13

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh are you just going to keep making the same accusation?[/quote]
I'm off to bed.
Enjoy drink Dobble later.

a8mint · 27/08/2021 13:21

YANBU, but 8.30 is a mighty early bedtime for a 9 year old on holiday.
I dont think you can do anything about her staying up if she isnt your kid, but don't entertain her!

MsTSwift · 27/08/2021 13:22

Very strange. Not getting smug vibes from op at all just end of tether ones! Your pal doesn’t sound like minded op maybe adult only catch ups henceforth…

stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 13:27

I am also wondering what you are in for tonight, I too think your friend is silently seething about Alyssa being sent to bed.
You are going to get PA vibes all day about everything, and later Alyssa will magically appear as she is struggling to get over the fact your child actually went ON the climbing wall.

You poor love, you are just trying to have a fun holiday ffs.

judgejudyrocks · 27/08/2021 13:28

Uugh, I hate the gentle parenting approach. I also hate people who think that their child is the best, and won't stop talking about them. I had one friend years ago, and we both had babies a few weeks apart. She changed overnight. Absolutely every sentence since has to include this child's name - even now, 22 years later! Yawn!

Don't you love it as well, when kids of about 15/16 years old think that they are so cool, and that old people are boring? I feel like saying "You haven't done anything, you haven't been anywhere, you have no life experience, you have no interesting stories to tell, fuck me, you can't even buy a drink in a bar, you are the epitome of dull and uncool"

LAgeDeRaisin · 27/08/2021 13:29

Dowhatyouwanttoandshhh I think needs to do what she wants to and shhh...

OP hang in there- 3 breakfasts parenting sounds insufferable.

Creasing myself that she thinks it's unfair for your children to enjoy a climbing wall just because hers don't, but it's perfectly fine that Alyssa gets to stay up for an extra 3 hours every night when the others don't.

It's 100% because Alyssa is rubbish at climbing. I mainly feel sorry for Alyssa's 5yo sibling! At least you get to leave at the end of the holiday! Can you imagine what will happen if 5yo is better at colouring or leopard essays? NO COLOURING FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN.

What a total bore.

a8mint · 27/08/2021 13:31

I would let both the older ones stay up and entertain each other in a different room til 10.30 or 11 when they will be really tired and go to bed with no fuss and then you and your friend will get the evenings to yourselves

LAgeDeRaisin · 27/08/2021 13:34

But OP's 9yo goes to sleep and is tired at 8.30, and gets up at 7 like everyone else.

Why should OP's child change her routine just because Alyssa has decided the whole holiday schedule should revolve around her, and 3breakfasts parent is enabling it?

LittleMysSister · 27/08/2021 13:35

Dowhatyouwanttoandshhh

I don't get where you are coming from - most people here are fully admitting that their kids can be a pain in the arse and that's why they want them out of their hair by 8.30 max when on holiday! So they can take a breath, sit down and just relax for a couple of hours before the chaos starts all over again.

Nobody is saying their children are amazing and flawless. Just that they try and parent in ways that minimises the impact on themselves and others, certainly if they are holidaying with other people :-/

stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 13:36

Can you imagine what will happen if 5yo is better at colouring or leopard essays? NO COLOURING FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN

Grin A snorty laughter reading that! So so true

I would let both the older ones stay up and entertain each other in a different room til 10.30 or 11 when they will be really tired and go to bed with no fuss

Of course because the little ones will happily go to bed when everyone else is having such fun?! Confused Nope that way you end up with a house full of screaming, over tired kids at 11pm with twice the noise, commotion and mess, dobble and Horrid Henry will seem tame in comparison. Don't do it op. Don't even think about doing it!

Why not suggest something with heights tomorrow, zip wire anyone?

LittleMysSister · 27/08/2021 13:37

@a8mint

I would let both the older ones stay up and entertain each other in a different room til 10.30 or 11 when they will be really tired and go to bed with no fuss and then you and your friend will get the evenings to yourselves
This would soooo not happen though. Maybe if they were 13 but at 8 it will be "mum mum mum" every few minutes...."can I have a drink?", "I'm hungry", "She's cheated in our game", "Can we watch something on your phone?" etc etc.

The only way the parents can relax properly is if the children are asleep.

MsTSwift · 27/08/2021 13:38

That won’t work because the fun of it for this child is getting mum’s attention so doubt playing dobble with a peer into the night is going to cut it. Plus you can’t properly relax if you are still “on duty” with kids roaming about 🙄

My parents had to distance from friends who talked about nothing but their now adult dd (they also had a son who was never mentioned). All of their friendship group had same age adult. kids but no - this one was the second coming. The last straw was mum mentioning some big news like one of our pregnancies and this lady turned the conversation right back to her own dd buying some saucepans. So potentially this child worship never ends…

CanICelebrate · 27/08/2021 13:43

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop are you absolutely sure that @DoWhatYouWantToAndShh isn’t your friend? Shock

stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 13:46

msT It most definitely does not end, and in my experience it gets worse.
Sixteen years in and having failed most of her GCSEs she is still the most heavenly child to walk across God's earth because she got an 8 for art. I kid you not, now she has rewritten the predictions to include that her dd is now going to be the world's best artist no less! And maths is a bit overrated don't you think, in this crazy global world one doesn't need to be able to add up but to be an inventor, a creator.

If I could rewind time I would have dumped her years ago. My friends' dd is now the most insufferable overinflated brat you could ever hope to meet, that can only do talking to (pref fawning) adults. She doesn't 'do' other kids apparently as she is too mature and cool (and they hate her and won't tolerate her bs) She is constantly looking for attention, a bottomless pit of needy insecurity.

a8mint · 27/08/2021 13:48

Of course because the little ones will happily go to bed when everyone else is having such fun?! confused Nope that way you end up with a house full of screaming, over tired kids at 11pm with twice the noise, commotion and mess, dobble and Horrid Henry will seem tame in comparison. Don't do it op. Don't even think about doing it!

A 5 year old and a 9 year old shouldn't have or expect to have the same bedtime!