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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 27/08/2021 11:45

When does your "holiday" with her end?

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/08/2021 11:46

Three breakfasts! She is setting this child up for an unhappy life, I wish she could see this.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 27/08/2021 11:46

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh good grief your PA posts are boring! Do you even have a point as to why you're still here having a tantrum? I feel like your parents took the gentle parent route [/quote]
They didn't.
And look what it did

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 27/08/2021 11:47

@Disfordarkchocolate

Three breakfasts! She is setting this child up for an unhappy life, I wish she could see this.
Hardly. I'd love 3 breakfasts
stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 11:52

Can't the non sleepy kid just read a book or something

The kid is a genius of course she CAN read, but she chooses not to because it is FAR more fun being downstairs with Mummy showing off and having some privileges that none of the others have because she is 'special' and Mummy says so.
It is not about what she could be doing, it is about her mother deciding that her delightful dd will be the 'chosen one' can stay up all night and entertain the adults, because she is so terribly intelligent, gifted and sparkling why on earth would anyone anywhere possibly have a problem with it?

stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 11:52

Anyone else thinking that DoWhatYouWantToAndShh might be the friend? She is doing a sterling job of defending the indefensible.

Notmoresugar · 27/08/2021 11:54

I would have throttled the little brat by now (joking of course).
I think you're very wise not to go on holiday with your friend again. You'll need another holiday to get over this one.

stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 11:55

And lo betide anyone that suggests that sparkling gifted dd is not especially welcome at 11pm with Horrid Henry at full volume, because they will be labelled rather promptly as 'jealous' and 'mean'.

whynotwhatknot · 27/08/2021 11:57

Ignore them op just trying to wind you up

yeah everyones has 3 breakfasts its great isnt it-definitely dont go away with her again!

NotJuryDutyAgain · 27/08/2021 11:59

I think someone is bored, so she's decided to come downstairs and pester the adults just for the heck of it.

Glad you had at least some time without the 8-year-old chaperone, OP.
You're wise to have decided not to sign on for another shared holiday with your friend and her kids.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 12:00

@Disfordarkchocolate

Three breakfasts! She is setting this child up for an unhappy life, I wish she could see this.
It's like a horror movie.

We've just had another Motherland moment. We are at an trampoline park and DS wanted to go on a climbing wall. Friend said "No climbing walls today, they frighten my 2 and it's not fair if just one kid goes on". I ignored her and went to pay for DS to do the climbing wall. I'm SURE that happens in motherland but with a trampoline

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 12:00

@stepupandbecounted

Anyone else thinking that DoWhatYouWantToAndShh might be the friend? She is doing a sterling job of defending the indefensible.
She can't be, she's posting live and my friend is currently bouncing!
OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 12:01

My friend has also never heard of MN let alone uses it otherwise I wouldn't post about it here

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 27/08/2021 12:02

It just gets worse doesn't it Shock

Shes a fine one to talk about " fair"

MinnieMountain · 27/08/2021 12:05

Surely it’s not that hard to get a NT 8yo to go to bed if you’ve actually bothered to parent them?

My nearly 8yo is allowed to read in bed until a 8.30pm then it’s book down time.

You did well not to drop-kick your friend and her DD into the next county Grin

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 27/08/2021 12:07

@stepupandbecounted

Anyone else thinking that DoWhatYouWantToAndShh might be the friend? She is doing a sterling job of defending the indefensible.
I'm not defending it. I think it's awful a child up past 11. It's irritating.

I'm just saying 8 year olds are irritating except the ones on here and also nobody on here did anything irritating age 8.

MiddleParking · 27/08/2021 12:08

Not backwards in coming forwards when it suits her, is she?

HermioneKipper · 27/08/2021 12:10

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh But what’s that got to do with anything? Who cares if anyone was a dick at 8years old?

It’s down to the parents to ensure their 8 year olds don’t behave like dicks surely! That’s where parenting comes in.

HermioneKipper · 27/08/2021 12:13

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop god it just gets worse and worse with the 3 breakfasts and no climbing walls for anyone! I’m sure she’s a lovely friend but my god she sounds like a useless parent.

I’ve got similar friends we don’t even have meals etc with now as I get all the “why is x allowed to eat her ice cream when she hasn’t even tried her dinner” shit from my 4 year old. “Because her mummy is a very ineffective parent” isn’t a reason I can give out loud!

MinnieMountain · 27/08/2021 12:13

Certain dickish behaviour is expected and tolerated at 8 but ruining your mum’s evening with her friend multiple times really shouldn’t be.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 12:13

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh my DD was most definitely irritating aged 8, still is. Still I don't inflict her irritating nature on other people and impose her on them

OP posts:
stepupandbecounted · 27/08/2021 12:15

She wanted to stop YOUR children from using the climbing wall because her children don't like them?! Shock

She talks about fairness but keeps HER child up to 11pm! I am assuming the climbing wall was one thing Alyssa is not the best at, so no one is allowed to do it!

She sounds horrendous op. Honestly you have my total sympathy.

I had a friend once, no longer, that used to compare the children's thigh sizes vocally in public - they were six years old at the time. Some people are just unhinged.

hpprincess · 27/08/2021 12:24

Dying to know what happened about the climbing wall!

Was she annoyed did she say anything? Did the kids??

KarlUrbansWife · 27/08/2021 12:26

She talks about fairness but keeps HER child up to 11pm! I am assuming the climbing wall was one thing Alyssa is not the best at, so no one is allowed to do it!

This all day long 🤣

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/08/2021 12:27

Stop silently seething and tell her, calmly, but firmly;

"That's a very rude thing to say and it's time you were in bed."