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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
Heliachi · 26/08/2021 22:33

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ohthatbloodycat · 26/08/2021 22:33

Mine would never have gone to bed at 8.30 during the holidays Confused

Classica · 26/08/2021 22:34

I thought I'd be a gentle parent, but I'm not.

For some reason that has given me the giggles.

BrilloPaddy · 26/08/2021 22:35

In the nicest way OP, I think your friend is avoiding alone time.

Take the holiday for what it is, and chalk it up to experience.

Next holiday with a friend, insist on some ground rules first. Before booking.

CornishTiger · 26/08/2021 22:36

Please don’t dismiss gentle parenting as parenting without boundaries.

ancientgran · 26/08/2021 22:36

Sounds like she is avoiding adult time with you OP. I'd go off to bed and read and eat chocolate. It's better than adult time. (in my world anyway.)

home2012 · 26/08/2021 22:36

I do feel a bit for your friend. Her kid is being an arse and I'm sure she wants to be down with you drinking wine and chatting

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 22:37

The friend has landed! The wine is back out the fridge and the TV is on. Woohoo! I mean we are both shattered and will likely be in bed by 11.30 but still an hour is an hour

OP posts:
ancientgran · 26/08/2021 22:37

@ohthatbloodycat

Mine would never have gone to bed at 8.30 during the holidays Confused
I wouldn't have wanted them to. I liked spending time with them on holiday when you can relax the rules a bit.
wonderstuff · 26/08/2021 22:38

Fantastic! Enjoy.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 22:39

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

The friend has landed! The wine is back out the fridge and the TV is on. Woohoo! I mean we are both shattered and will likely be in bed by 11.30 but still an hour is an hour
That must have been fun for her. Sitting wrestling 8 year old to bed for hours. All for 23 extra minutes.
Mydogmylife · 26/08/2021 22:40

@Watapalava

They can have adults conversation I agree

Kids can stay up but in bedroom

I think that would be fine but forcing non tired kids to bed is ridiculous

Op is causing an issue pursuing this and actually causing bad atmosphere ‘to prove a point’

Just let kids stay up with a strict upstairs rule if needs be

Fair enough, but op's friend isn't enforcing an upstairs rule and her daughter is sitting with them .
Watapalava · 26/08/2021 22:41

That’s because child is on their own! Op needs to lighten up

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 22:42

@Watapalava

The friend is only doing that because op has sent her kids to bed and the friends youngest was in bed

She’s 8 and bored

I don’t blame her!

Let all kids stay up or at least the older ones

8 yr old are not all tired that early

The strict bedtime rule is the problem

8.30 is fine. My time is important too. They have their time in the day, bedtime is our time and I'm sure they will cope not getting their way for once
OP posts:
Heliachi · 26/08/2021 22:43

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CharityDingle · 26/08/2021 22:43

Wine enjoy! Don't go on holidays together again though!

yikesanotherbooboo · 26/08/2021 22:43

Alyssa wants to be in the 'big girls 'party. How irritating. Not much you can do as her DM isn't seeing a problem in the evenings. In most families she would be sent back to read her book or at worst listen to something on a device. She is old enough to be self sufficient. Your evenings seem to be shot but I really think that expecting everyone to tip toe around waiting for A to wake up is wildly unreasonable. What a pain all round.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 26/08/2021 22:43

@Watapalava

They can have adults conversation I agree

Kids can stay up but in bedroom

I think that would be fine but forcing non tired kids to bed is ridiculous

Op is causing an issue pursuing this and actually causing bad atmosphere ‘to prove a point’

Just let kids stay up with a strict upstairs rule if needs be

Sounds like OP would be fine with this. The problem is that either evenings are spent playing children's games and watching children's TV and talking to a child about how amazing she is, or OPs friend leaves her alone all night to play with her kid upstairs and wakes OPs kids up in the process.

Glad you're finally getting some down time OP. I give it 8 minutes!

Watapalava · 26/08/2021 22:44

But op if they’re not tired then you know yourself it’s hard to sleep

You can see it’s not working so tomorrow just leave them be

It’s qorth trying because what you’re doing hasn’t worked til now

Watapalava · 26/08/2021 22:46

Cuddly

Yes she may be fine but if her kids (that inc the other 8yo) are all in bed then an awake child sat on her own on holiday is shit

It’s her holiday too

Square peg round hole springs to mind

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/08/2021 22:50

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

The friend has landed! The wine is back out the fridge and the TV is on. Woohoo! I mean we are both shattered and will likely be in bed by 11.30 but still an hour is an hour
You're a better person than me.

I'd have texted her back saying "Too late - I'm in bed and not getting up until tomorrow. Your wine is in the fridge."

JudgeJ · 26/08/2021 22:51

@ActonSquirrel

If you haven't seen it already: Motherland Season 2 episode 5.
I rewatched a few Motherlands today, I still think it's Mumsnet TV!
TuckMyWin · 26/08/2021 22:51

@Watapalava the other three kids have all fallen asleep fine, which suggests they are tired and need sleep. Are you suggesting three children should be kept awake for the sake of one child who is unable to occupy herself quietly, at the age of 8?

MyOtherProfile · 26/08/2021 22:54

Is tonight your last night? I seem to remember you might have said there's 3 more nights... Hoping so because I'm dying to hear how the next two go!

Lougle · 26/08/2021 23:02

8.30pm is perfectly fine for an 8 year old. In term time I expect my 12 year old to get ready for bed at 8.30 and lights out at 9. They get up early and need sleep or they get really grouchy.

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