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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 26/08/2021 22:00

@Melliferous

In Motherland Liz found a sexy shepherd in the next field when she was bored on her country break. Can you maybe do that?
Oh yes to this. I know you have a bf OP, but desperate times.
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/08/2021 22:01

Are you going to call it a night?

I also want to go to bed. Just awaiting update…

Shallwegoforawalk · 26/08/2021 22:02

It's been a very funny thread but seriously your friend is utterly pathetic and her daughter is likely going to be a hideously selfish, self absorbed teen/adult.
And when your friend moans about her offspring in the future, I do hope you remind her of this holiday disaster Wink

QueenHofScotland · 26/08/2021 22:02

Ah what a shame! I had such high hopes for this evening! Your friend needs to change tactics big time! Tomorrow night get Alyssa in bed by 7pm instead!

Bakewellisntjustacake · 26/08/2021 22:03

Bloody hell

wonderstuff · 26/08/2021 22:03

How disappointing op. I'm sorry there isn't a solution. Going on holiday with friends is so difficult. Hoping you get some child free adult company some time soon x

Sparklfairy · 26/08/2021 22:04

My DM's best friend was my godmother. She is the loveliest, kindest person ever, I adored her. But if I had been playing up at bedtime like Alyssa she absolutely would have gone upstairs by now and said, 'Come on Sparkl, time for bed, you mum and I want to catch up downstairs'. And if I hadn't been listening to my DM at this point, I'd have absolutely done what she asked!

Can you not just do that? It's really not overstepping imo.

unless your friend is hiding from you and your stern telling offs Grin

Angryfrommanchester1 · 26/08/2021 22:04

Oh no Alyssa has still managed to thwart your evening. Sorry OP this sounds shit.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 22:04

Minor update:

I was lying on the sofa, head on the arm of the chair, MNing, wine I one hand and phone on the other when I heard a voice in my ear..."mummy?". I bloody shit myself, nearly dropped my phone in the fucking wine!. It was my 9yo who has been woken up by 'giggling' in the other room. She always does that sneaking up thing she's like a ninja.

Anyway I took put her in the downstairs bedroom with her brother for a bit of silence but I'm guessing giggling = not much effort to put Alyssa to bed Hmm certainly if it was loud enough to wake DD!

Either that or this place has ghosts who have a cracking sense of humour

OP posts:
DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 22:06

To be fair. Having a child that refuses bed and ruins evenings is really crap. I'm sure she's not enjoying it.

But... not all kids can just be put to bed and they go to sleep. My eldest until 3 was horrific. Would howl. No amount of stern talk, threats, punishments, etc worked. It was awful. Especially when people would say just close the door and leave him.
I was stuck like a fool settling them. Very annoying.

tiredanddangerous · 26/08/2021 22:06

I know a couple of parents like your friend op. I think you've done incredibly well not to lose your shit with her!

Eddielzzard · 26/08/2021 22:06

I would not want another night of this. It gets worse. When you going home?

Nailingnow · 26/08/2021 22:07

I am so frustrated for you. I'd really be struggling to be enjoying the daytimes with my friend at this point let alone want an evening with them.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 22:07

@Melliferous

In Motherland Liz found a sexy shepherd in the next field when she was bored on her country break. Can you maybe do that?
There is a horse farm nearby (went riding the other day) but it appears that there are 2 males that occupy this - a 16yo farmhand and late-60's man with a white beard long like Merlin which has leaves and dirt stuck in it. As tempting as it is I think I'll stick to my wine Grin
OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 26/08/2021 22:07

I'm guessing giggling = not much effort to put Alyssa to bed

Oh, FFS…. This woman is just bloody self absorbed and rude. There’s no way I’d be going anywhere with her or her over indulged child after this.

lalafafa · 26/08/2021 22:07

I've got 3. They rejoice at adult gatherings, one especially delights in showing everyone his Minecraft worlds. Ah the square chickens and pigs. Glorious

You're kidding yourself, every adult is thinking fuck off you little fuckers.
Its the equivalent of a tedious show they've been creating for an hour then force you to watch.

GhostRyder · 26/08/2021 22:07

Sounds like your friends DD has gotten away with staying up with you guys due to her mum caving in the first night. If your friend had stuck to ensuring her DD went to bed same time as other 3 kids without fail each night then you’d probably have a great girly holiday with some cheeky late night chats etc. Sorry it didn’t go to plan x

WimpoleHat · 26/08/2021 22:08

not all kids can just be put to bed and they go to sleep. My eldest until 3 was horrific

This child is 8 or 9 though! She knows exactly what she’s doing….

PamDenick · 26/08/2021 22:08

Alyssa,
Stop being a pisser
And get to sleep

Mummy and friend
Are driven round the bend
You’ll make us weep

It’s time
For some red wine
Even if it’s cheap

SpeedRunParent · 26/08/2021 22:08

@MrsRobbieHart

Urgh!! I’d hate this.

Tbh I’d announce I was off to bed as soon as Alyssa appeared downstairs. And if being quiet in the morning is mentioned I would give a hearty laugh and say “Alyssa should have gone to bed earlier then!”

This, absolutely this!
Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 26/08/2021 22:09

How do these dps expect dc to manage as grown ups in a world that doesn't bow down to their every whim?
Bonkers..

WimpoleHat · 26/08/2021 22:10

And if being quiet in the morning is mentioned I would give a hearty laugh and say “Alyssa should have gone to bed earlier then!”

Too right. Definitely time for some early morning hilarity in the morning for the OP and her DD….

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 22:10

@PamDenick

Alyssa, Stop being a pisser And get to sleep

Mummy and friend
Are driven round the bend
You’ll make us weep

It’s time
For some red wine
Even if it’s cheap

Oooh I like this!!

I am a big Haiku fan so if anyone could oblige I'll return the favour by putting Dobble through the decking slats Grin

OP posts:
Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 26/08/2021 22:10

If your dc have wind of this Play The Grown Ups heaven help your next holiday op..

ShinyBeans · 26/08/2021 22:10

I would let all of the kids have a late night tomorrow on the condition they don't come downstairs after 8. It's what we've done sometimes on adult nights when other children come over. Chuck a load of treats at them, set up a film, and ignore the screaming.

Oh, and then never go on holiday with that friend again obvs.

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