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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 26/08/2021 21:47

Sorry Op I have been on this from the start (and have posted in sympathy) but I missed something. Did you have the conversation with your friend earlier about how you just want an adult only night.?

OverByYer · 26/08/2021 21:50

Omg so rather than Alyssa coming down, friend is remain upstairs with her? Woah, drink all the wine girlfriend

namechange7865 · 26/08/2021 21:51

This is insane...I didn't spent that amount of time getting my children to bed even when they were toddlers.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 21:51

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Still no sign of friend. I'm giving this half an hour then turning in
Oh dear. Child not used to being told no. Probably telling her mother you're mean and she's being abandoned. They're up there now, hugging each other and crying. Or she's patting her head and singing lullabies
Lougle · 26/08/2021 21:51

I had a few gentle parent friends. One child hit my child, then she was told 'just ignore him, he's obviously not feeling good on the inside'. DD looked at me with a very sceptical face as if to say 'I'm not feeling great on the outside!'

pansypotter123 · 26/08/2021 21:51

But it's nearly 10pm. Where is your friend?!?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:52

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit

Sorry Op I have been on this from the start (and have posted in sympathy) but I missed something. Did you have the conversation with your friend earlier about how you just want an adult only night.?
Yes and she agreed so we said to the kids bed at 9pm and we want a mum's night. Which wen well except friend took her kids to bed 40 minutes ago and is nowhere to be seen!
OP posts:
Trillio · 26/08/2021 21:53

@Lougle

I had a few gentle parent friends. One child hit my child, then she was told 'just ignore him, he's obviously not feeling good on the inside'. DD looked at me with a very sceptical face as if to say 'I'm not feeling great on the outside!'
Grin
DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 21:54

@Lougle

I had a few gentle parent friends. One child hit my child, then she was told 'just ignore him, he's obviously not feeling good on the inside'. DD looked at me with a very sceptical face as if to say 'I'm not feeling great on the outside!'
😄😄😄
Muchasgracias · 26/08/2021 21:54

I think your friend is upstairs reading this thread and contemplating her next move…

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:54

@pansypotter123

But it's nearly 10pm. Where is your friend?!?
Putting her kids to bed still!

The wine is depleting, and the Gu desserts have been troughed.

I do think the Alyssa Show is being played upstairs rather than down here

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 26/08/2021 21:55

It's near enough 10 o'clock OP. Go and do your own thing, she hasn't even had the courtesy to say anything to you she's just left you hanging.

Enwi · 26/08/2021 21:55

Ahhhhh, this sounds incredibly frustrating.

Some people in the comments seem to be confused about what gentle parenting is though… this sounds more like bad parenting (or umm, choosing NOT to parent) than gentle parenting. I consider myself a gentle parent but there is no way this would happen with my daughters. If they cant sleep that’s fine, I’m respectful of how that and encourage autonomy over their own body… by allowing them to read/ play/ do something quietly in their room until they’re tired. Not stay up and annoy my friends.

decoratedstandardlamp · 26/08/2021 21:55

Whilst we await the next update OP, I know someone who loves a bit of gentle parenting and asks their child for permission and their consent to change their nappy.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 21:55

March up there wine bottle swigging asking wtf is going on.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/08/2021 21:56

It's nearly 10pm...I'd take the wine and turn off the tv and just go to bed @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop - If she shows up and sees that you're not there, she'll realise that she's pissed you off and she should make sure that if she says that she'll be there for a grown up chat over a few glasses of wine that she is there for a grown up chat over a few glasses of wine.
I wouldn't be arranging to go on holidays with her or her kids again though.

somuchcoffeeneeded · 26/08/2021 21:58

Here for an update

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 26/08/2021 21:58

How hard is it to put an 8 year old in bed and leave? This is nuts.

saharadry · 26/08/2021 21:59

Next time Alyssa says how wonderful she is, please remind her how well behaved the other 3 are at bedtime!

Cuddlyrottweiler · 26/08/2021 21:59

Fuck me OP! Tell your friend I want to go to bed! 😫

LovePoppy · 26/08/2021 21:59

I’m blown away

What a bullshit situation

Melliferous · 26/08/2021 21:59

In Motherland Liz found a sexy shepherd in the next field when she was bored on her country break. Can you maybe do that?

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 26/08/2021 22:00

Yes it sounds like your friend is trying to do the right thing ie not having Alyssa Downstairs as she has (finally) understood you are less than happy. So she is desperately trying to get her to stay/ sleep upstairs. But in doing so then end result is the same. You end up on your own. I understand what's she's trying to do but she's trying to appease her. Either way you lose again. I completely understand your frustration

Dixiechickonhols · 26/08/2021 22:00

At least you can watch Orange is the new black or whatever your show was and not play dobble. Their marketing team will be wondering why all the interest in it today!

Melliferous · 26/08/2021 22:00

or @Cuddlyrottweiler is there for the taking!

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