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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/08/2021 21:25

Still waiting…. Is she asleep?

oknowimscared · 26/08/2021 21:26

I’m way too invested in knowing if Alyssa is in bed and staying there. My DNs were gentle parented, and it was —fucking maddening— annoying at the time. They’ve grown up to be very decent humans, thankfully. But they were never obnoxious/ bratty. I couldn’t have coped with that.

Ofallthethings · 26/08/2021 21:26

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Live update: my kids are asleep. Friend is settling hers. Netflix is on. Wine is poured. I shall await our fate
God I am on tenterhooks! Will Alyssa go to sleep...
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:27

Nope, I think they must be having a reenactment of Riverdance before bedtime.

We both very much over-egged the "Now remember absolutely no coming downstairs tonight" line this evening with threats of things not happening tomorrow. I remain hopeful!

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 26/08/2021 21:27

Gentle parenting is fine when they aren’t fucking about but when they are it’s boundaries time.

Ofallthethings · 26/08/2021 21:27

Yes overinvested...

oknowimscared · 26/08/2021 21:28

Hurrah! Long may it last!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:28

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

torchh

The more Gentle Parenting I see, the more I think it's bullshit

TOTALLY AGRRED."

Good typo. All the aggro parents Grr-ing

Can you not play drink Dobble op?

I really would like to know what you'd do in my situation. Would make for much better reading than you taking my comments bizarrely personally
OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 26/08/2021 21:29

YABU for all the Dobble bashing! It's a decent game 😜

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:31

The downstairs to the cottage has a wee terrace with decking, I've been so tempted to accidentally drop the Dobble cards through the slats.

It's all gone quiet. My friend is still upstairs but the Riverdancing has come to an end

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 26/08/2021 21:31

She’s got a feeling this thread might end up in classics and is desperately trying to make a name for herself on it OP!

BorderlineHappy · 26/08/2021 21:31

So Alyssa is not downstairs but neither is your friend.
Put whatever you want on and crack open the wine.

PamDenick · 26/08/2021 21:32

Haven’t RTFT but wouldn’t gentle parenting include the ‘time for bed darling’ ’ Supernanny technique?

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 21:33

I said I didn't have a solution.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 26/08/2021 21:34

In 10 hours time dfriend will be declaring she fell sleep....
As in the friend not her dd.

Mrgrinch · 26/08/2021 21:34

This sounds exhausting.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 21:35

@1AngelicFruitCake

She’s got a feeling this thread might end up in classics and is desperately trying to make a name for herself on it OP!
Hopefully hey. Finally some recognition. Inbox flooded. Loose women booked.
TolkiensFallow · 26/08/2021 21:35

Alyssa will make you friend stay with her until she’s asleep. By which time your friend will also be asleep.

ButteringMyArse · 26/08/2021 21:36

I really would like to know what you'd do in my situation. Would make for much better reading than you taking my comments bizarrely personally

I dunno, some of hers have been pretty entertaining!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:37

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

I said I didn't have a solution.
Well how would you feel about it then if it happened to you?
OP posts:
FlowerPower3110 · 26/08/2021 21:41

@Theredjellybean

If any game is suggested such as dobble why don't you just say no? You literally just say no thanks alyssa, it's adult time now so I'm watching my TV show. Put said TV on, open wine, ignore child.. If friend asks you to turn TV off due to unsuitable material, politely say, but it is past the agreed kids bedtime, I'm sorry alyssa can't sleep but I'm going to watch this, I suggest you take her to your bedroom if you don't think it's suitable...
I think this is a pretty good solution. If Alyssa doesn't want to sleep fine, but she shouldn't be ruining your night. Just continue watching your show and tell her mum to take her upstairs if it's unsuitable for kids.
Mummapenguin20 · 26/08/2021 21:44

The days of crying over plate colours ended at 2 in my house im a strict but fair parent everyone has there own parenting styles the softy softy approach ends in bratty kids my opinion of course....

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:44

Still no sign of friend. I'm giving this half an hour then turning in

OP posts:
VeganCheesePlease · 26/08/2021 21:46

That would drive me boogaloo. Your friend is being very unreasonable!

HermioneKipper · 26/08/2021 21:46

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

The downstairs to the cottage has a wee terrace with decking, I've been so tempted to accidentally drop the Dobble cards through the slats.

It's all gone quiet. My friend is still upstairs but the Riverdancing has come to an end

Do it!! I bloody hate dobble. I’ve tried to put various versions including a frozen one in the charity shop box numerous times but it’s always fished back out before I can get it out of the house! Top trumps is another one I can’t stand.

Hope your friend comes back down soon OP so you can get the new man gossip going! At least you can go home with a few stories for him!