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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
AffableApple · 26/08/2021 21:02

@Watapalava

id say YABU for sending them to bed since its a holiday for the kids too

However the issue is that some kids in bed and not all

If all up, the kids would likely wander off and leave you both alone

This is a joke, right? Adult time, innit Confused
UndertheCedartree · 26/08/2021 21:02

Gosh, I hope you get your adult evening. It is exhausting not getting any time to relax!

I have to say I had to carry my DS out of friend's houses 'screaming surf board style' many, many times when he was younger. I'm sure many people thought I was too 'gentle' at times too. It was often the only way to keep him calm. He didn't respond in the same way as other DC his age. Turns out he has Autism.

littlejalapeno · 26/08/2021 21:02

I mean the way you’ve described Alyssa makes her out to be a little madam, but I genuinely love it when my friends kids share their interests with me, so if a kid did want to tell me about minecraft I’d engage for a polite 10ish then move them on, unless the topic or the kid was really interesting and then chat a bit longer. It takes a village and all that. I’d rather that than them being face down in screens and not talking at all. But of course we all need adult time and your expectations aren’t being met and you’re finding it tedious. Fair enough.

smogsville · 26/08/2021 21:03

OP without wishing to make light of the fact that this has spoiled your holiday, thanks for this thread which I am enjoying and finding v reassuring! My 6yo is a massive PITA at bedtime, comes down repeatedly but is never allowed to sit with us even if it hugely irritating to have to take him back time and again. Never had this problem with the eldest, certainly not to the same extent anyway. It's true that hols with friends (and even family!) can be fraught if you have different parenting styles. In the past we've found it easier to rent separate, adjacent properties so we're in charge of own mornings and evenings but can still socialise. I realise that's not v helpful to you right now though.

saharadry · 26/08/2021 21:03

Just to add, we had arranged a day out in may half term me and a friend with her dc.

One of hers was trying to run off, refusing to move anyway, she said 'I'll take you back to the car and we will go home...'.
DC said yes I want that, mum said to me, oh, I need to go back to the car and home now sorry Confused thankfully I'm familiar with the zoo so took us the way back past the animals we had not seen.

Love my friend we have known each other since school but this made me wary of going with her and dc for days out.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 21:03

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I've got 3. They rejoice at adult gatherings, one especially delights in showing everyone his Minecraft worlds. Ah the square chickens and pigs. Glorious.

Jesus the poor adults in this situation. People are grinning and bearing it, they don't find it delightful they want your kids to go away.

You're welcome.

How dare you suggest that nobody visits anymore is because of my child's square pig farm demonstrations.

They don't visit because I'm ghastly and drunk on Thursday nights.

🤣🤣🤣

Sinthie · 26/08/2021 21:04

Yadnbu

They can be awake, but in a different room on screens if needs be.

The grown ups need a break too.

saharadry · 26/08/2021 21:06

If any game is suggested such as dobble why don't you just say no?
You literally just say no thanks alyssa, it's adult time now so I'm watching my TV show.
Put said TV on, open wine, ignore child..
If friend asks you to turn TV off due to unsuitable material, politely say, but it is past the agreed kids bedtime, I'm sorry alyssa can't sleep but I'm going to watch this, I suggest you take her to your bedroom if you don't think it's suitable...

This suggestion by @Theredjellybean is fab!

sadie9 · 26/08/2021 21:06

As one wise person said 'kids are like farts, you can just about tolerate your own!'

Figgygal · 26/08/2021 21:08

Hope your evening invader has stayed in bed tonight op

BorderlineHappy · 26/08/2021 21:09

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop is playing dobble now
There's no escape.

1AngelicFruitCake · 26/08/2021 21:11

The makers of Dobble need to pay OP commission! I bet sales have gone up due to this thread 😄

starfishmummy · 26/08/2021 21:13

@1AngelicFruitCake

The makers of Dobble need to pay OP commission! I bet sales have gone up due to this thread 😄
I have no idea what dobble is.
Dishwashersaurous · 26/08/2021 21:16

So is she in bed?

TolkiensFallow · 26/08/2021 21:17

Is Alyssa in bed????

Treaclepie19 · 26/08/2021 21:18

Another one who has no clue what dobble is...

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:18

Live update: my kids are asleep. Friend is settling hers. Netflix is on. Wine is poured. I shall await our fate

OP posts:
footprintsintheslow · 26/08/2021 21:18

@torchh

The more Gentle Parenting I see, the more I think it's bullshit
TOTALLY AGRRED.
Treaclepie19 · 26/08/2021 21:19

Just googled. Wow, that's a thrilling game for you to play on your holiday OP.

Queenoftheashes · 26/08/2021 21:19

Fgs I can’t concentrate on peep show or my book. I’m on wine number two and must know what Alyssa is doing.
I bet she’s playing her recorder.

BastardMonkfish · 26/08/2021 21:21

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Live update: my kids are asleep. Friend is settling hers. Netflix is on. Wine is poured. I shall await our fate
You could always get pissed and make a spectacle of yourself, friend might send Alyssa off to bed then Grin
FlyingPandas · 26/08/2021 21:22

@littlejalapeno

I mean the way you’ve described Alyssa makes her out to be a little madam, but I genuinely love it when my friends kids share their interests with me, so if a kid did want to tell me about minecraft I’d engage for a polite 10ish then move them on, unless the topic or the kid was really interesting and then chat a bit longer. It takes a village and all that. I’d rather that than them being face down in screens and not talking at all. But of course we all need adult time and your expectations aren’t being met and you’re finding it tedious. Fair enough.
I bloody love minecraft (mum to 3 boys here, one of whom is on the spectrum) I have spent many happy hours being shown my DC’s and other family/friends DC’s minecraft worlds, oohing and aahing at their creations.

I am also not averse to a game or two of Dobble. Or Uno, for that matter.

As long as any minecraft admiration/game playing takes place during the day or early evening. Post 9pm, no.

Keeping fingers crossed for you OP!

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 21:25

torchh

The more Gentle Parenting I see, the more I think it's bullshit

TOTALLY AGRRED."

Good typo. All the aggro parents Grr-ing

Can you not play drink Dobble op?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 21:25

@1AngelicFruitCake

The makers of Dobble need to pay OP commission! I bet sales have gone up due to this thread 😄
😂😂 I bloody hate it and don't even know what half the pictures are!

"Little orange man in top hat?"

"Yellow blast? Sun? Star?"

"Dog? Skunk?" Fuck knows

I hear there is a Harry Potter Dobble. I'm beginning to wonder what the human race exactly did to deserve that

OP posts:
CharityDingle · 26/08/2021 21:25

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Live update: my kids are asleep. Friend is settling hers. Netflix is on. Wine is poured. I shall await our fate
Just make it clear, to both, if the child does appear, that Netflix is staying on. End of. They can go elsewhere to play whatever they want.