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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
Jangle33 · 26/08/2021 20:45

This is why I don’t go on holiday with other people’s children… my idea of hell.

GrouchyKiwi · 26/08/2021 20:46

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

T minus 20 minutes.

Kids are in PJs and have had supper. Seth brushing status: imminent.

Child attitude status: disaster. There's been some fallings out over alleged cheating at Uno (Alyssa blaming my 9yo for cheating even though it's basically impossible to cheat at Uno). My 9yo basically told her to pipe down and Alyssa threw herself about the room for a while as my friend tried to politely 'come to the sofa and chat about it'.

Therefore I'm not certain we will have an adult only night, I'm sure Alyssa will be too upset to go to bed

Oh no. I hope things are not scuppered.

But I used to cheat at Uno constantly. Hide one card behind another, things like that. Shocking.

OverByYer · 26/08/2021 20:47

Are you playing boggle OP or on the tequila slammers?

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 20:50

@EastWestWhosBest

I've got 3. They rejoice at adult gatherings, one especially delights in showing everyone his Minecraft worlds. Ah the square chickens and pigs. Glorious.

Now I know you are lying, or you don’t have friends. No adult, ever, has given one single fuck about a child’s mine craft world.

I tell him we'll look later. Of course nobody wants to see Minecraft worlds.
DrCoconut · 26/08/2021 20:50

8:30 is very early to expect an 8 year old to be in bed on holiday or at all. And getting everyone up at 7am 😱. That would be my idea of holiday hell. However, it is not OK to go back on an agreement/expectations once everyone has arrived on the holiday so if you are not getting the holiday you expected I don't blame you for being disappointed. Serious discussion needed before the next one.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 20:50

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

I'm sure we'll hear all about it... oh the wonder. Op will sweep in with her quietly raised voice (not yelling), she'll just tell that 8 year old, the kid will look at her in abject horror/awe...as will the useless parent who will announce after it was the best piece of parenting she's ever seen. Op will be the hero of the moment. Mumsnet rejoice at brat in bed. A chorus of hip hip hooray...you can enjoy your evenings now... talk about new boyfriend or how parents who don't bark orders at their kids are setting them up for a lifetime of failure.

Yey

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh genuinely asking - what would you do in my situation then?
OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 26/08/2021 20:51

If she doesn't go to bed just go to your own room and leave them to it. Bring your wine.

littlejalapeno · 26/08/2021 20:52

Isn’t the whole point of uno to cheat?

GettingItOutThere · 26/08/2021 20:52

best of luck OP! i would literally go to my room too than spend a night being dictated to by a kid!

SpeakingFranglais · 26/08/2021 20:53

@ all DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

Don’t be ridiculous, I’m talking hypothetically.

Take control of your children and make them do. How much wine have you had tonight? It’s only Thursday, maybe lay off until Saturday?

starfishmummy · 26/08/2021 20:53

@Nixandwotsit

Well, after 9 if the child comes down to join you why should you go to your room? You could suggest that your mate goes off to her room with her daughter to play games as you're going to watch grown up TV and neck wine?
Oh yes. Retreat to best armchair/sofa (extra points if Alyssa has to be told to move) with the wine bottle and remote and put something totally unsuitable on TV. Of friend moans tell jer to take Alyssa back to bed.
Whattodoaboutnothing · 26/08/2021 20:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 20:53

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

T minus 20 minutes.

Kids are in PJs and have had supper. Seth brushing status: imminent.

Child attitude status: disaster. There's been some fallings out over alleged cheating at Uno (Alyssa blaming my 9yo for cheating even though it's basically impossible to cheat at Uno). My 9yo basically told her to pipe down and Alyssa threw herself about the room for a while as my friend tried to politely 'come to the sofa and chat about it'.

Therefore I'm not certain we will have an adult only night, I'm sure Alyssa will be too upset to go to bed

Ha. Enjoy Dobble later.

Of course your perfect child told her sloppily raised child to pipe down. I'd expect nothing less.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 20:54

I've got 3. They rejoice at adult gatherings, one especially delights in showing everyone his Minecraft worlds. Ah the square chickens and pigs. Glorious.

Jesus the poor adults in this situation. People are grinning and bearing it, they don't find it delightful they want your kids to go away.

You're welcome.

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 26/08/2021 20:54

OP this is my favourite mumsnet post in a while.

Janaih · 26/08/2021 20:55

Thanks for update OP! We are rooting for you

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 20:55

Maybe your pal thinks you don't mind, mainly because, like you claim, you're always telling kids off where you feel they're in the wrong. She prob thinks that because you're happy yelling at her 5 year old to stop flapping at a plate, that you'd tell her 8 year old to knob off.

Cool story bro

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 20:57

@Cherrysoup

Too right in raising my voice at a rude 5yo screaming at her mother about a plate. How else would you expect me to treat her? Give her a round of applause? Ask politely not to do that?

I’m totally with you, OP. I too teach secondary and honestly, I have told off students for the way they speak to their parents at Parents’ Evening, for example. I am not going to sit there and allow the child to be downright rude to their parents in front of me.

Same. Sometimes it takes another adult to make them realise it's not ok to do this.
OP posts:
justamomentplease · 26/08/2021 20:58

I used to be in that Gentle Parenting Group. Like the OP I thought it seemed quite a nice thing when my eldest was a baby. I was quite happy to let her sleep on me and feed in demand etc. By the time she was a preschooler and a I had a second baby I was also a 'do as you're told' parent.

That group is (or was, I left it four years ago) astonishingly awful. The stories on there of these little shits cherubs behaving horrendously and the parents pandering to them. Ugh. I will never forget reading about one six year old who deliberately stamped on and killed a bird. His mother was told so many times about how he was just 'exploring boundaries' and that she should talk about his feelings etc etc ... no one was horrified! And the sleeping practices with older children... just boggling.

Sorry gone off on a tangent there, I am no fan of Sarah Ockwell Smith and her nonsense!

torchh · 26/08/2021 20:58

@Watapalava

id say YABU for sending them to bed since its a holiday for the kids too

However the issue is that some kids in bed and not all

If all up, the kids would likely wander off and leave you both alone

They're 9,8 and 5... of course they need to go to bed!
DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 20:58

No idea what I'd do. Seethe. Never holiday with her again.
Have a tantrum on the floor myself.

I do feel bad for you Op. I just dislike the smug feel.

saharadry · 26/08/2021 20:58

I feel for you so much op!

Honestly, if her child comes back down (as expected) I would seriously go elsewhere and say you want to catch up on 'xyz' show you were planning to catch up on together.

This is your holiday too and you're evenings at home are probably better!

Tomorrow I'd make a point of buying wine/ chocolate and saying this is for my me time later to show the friend what you'd rather do (and it's not listen to her dd).

For whatever reason these kids walk all over your friend and unfortunately it will make them into girls no one wants to be friends with.

torchh · 26/08/2021 20:59

@TolkiensFallow

OP this is my favourite mumsnet post in a while.
Same!
BrilloPaddy · 26/08/2021 21:00

Stay strong, OP.

You will not be beaten by a 9 yr old.

Theredjellybean · 26/08/2021 21:01

If any game is suggested such as dobble why don't you just say no?
You literally just say no thanks alyssa, it's adult time now so I'm watching my TV show.
Put said TV on, open wine, ignore child..
If friend asks you to turn TV off due to unsuitable material, politely say, but it is past the agreed kids bedtime, I'm sorry alyssa can't sleep but I'm going to watch this, I suggest you take her to your bedroom if you don't think it's suitable...

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