2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

It wasn't meant to be dramatic. As I said, I've been at a funeral. I've tried as best I can to answer as much as I can. Never did I think a thread that started out with me asking if it would be unreasonable to say no to a friend, would turn into two almost full, 1k each threads.

I feel like I may just leave this here now.

@islandhoppin

It wasn't meant to be dramatic. As I said, I've been at a funeral. I've tried as best I can to answer as much as I can. Never did I think a thread that started out with me asking if it would be unreasonable to say no to a friend, would turn into two almost full, 1k each threads.

I feel like I may just leave this here now.

You don't owe anyone anything, least of all the nosey sods on here. Don't feel like you have to update us unless it's helpful for you. Of course we're all still here if you want to rant, have a sounding board, or simply just get some supportive words

How horrors for you that you have a cray ex friend hounding you, then are being hounded on here sad to read that you have to deal with the death and funeral of a loved one too

I hope the ex friend and any family stay well away

You don't owe anyone anything, least of all the nosey sods on here. Don't feel like you have to update us unless it's helpful for you. Of course we're all still here if you want to rant, have a sounding board, or simply just get some supportive words

Came on to say pretty much exactly this.

@islandhoppin

I think you need this thread for support and a lot of posters are concerned and want to support you, so I will leave and not comment anymore.

I wish you well and hope the situation is resolved for you. Take care

I am glad you stood your ground op. Your "friend" has shown her true colours and had no regard for you or your MH.
It is sad to lose a friend but better for you to stand up for yourself and have boundaries, well done.
I hope she stops harrassing you and I wish you all the best 💐

I wouldn't text her family as that will just give her the green light to start harassing you again.

@islandhoppin stay on the thread,you need the support.
And I hope you're feeling better now.

@islandhoppin

It wasn't meant to be dramatic. As I said, I've been at a funeral. I've tried as best I can to answer as much as I can. Never did I think a thread that started out with me asking if it would be unreasonable to say no to a friend, would turn into two almost full, 1k each threads.

I feel like I may just leave this here now.

Sorry some posters have been giving you a hard time, questioning every little thing & demanding answers. Glad the original thread gave you the confidence that you were right to say no. Take care of yourself OP!

@islandhoppin Take care if yourself, and best of luck for a more peaceful and happier future xx

Sorry that you've had to deal with a funeral on top of all of this stress

As others have eloquently said, you "owe" us nothing. Posters on here are glad we were able to help give you the strength (and in sand cases the words ) to say No. We'll still be around in future if you want to let of steam or rant about this or anything else

I'd agree with not contacting the family (although like you, as a nice person, part of me would want to, just to check that there wasn't something more serious going on): you've already said that it might even have been their suggestion for her to stay with you as you've got "more" space than them despite they themselves have sufficient space

Sorry for your loss OP, and everything you are dealing with regarding your friend. A thread should be updated while it is useful to you, never feel obliged to keep coming back to it due to pressure from others. Put yourself first.

Well said @Sally872

Yes well said @Sally872 and I hope OP that having found the ability to say 'no' to your entitled friend you will also easily be able to here.

I wish you well.

@islandhoppin A thread should never feel like an obligation. I hope you continue to stay safe and am sorry that you feel hounded by overzealous posting. Ironically you came here as you felt you needed support and now have people acting in a similar way to your ex friend. I hope she will now leave you alone and you can let your guard down soon.

[quote Thiscantreallybehappening]**@JSL52
Don't worry. People sometimes think your real life is their personal soap opera unfortunately.
Only update if you feel able to.

Actually, I don't agree with your comment.

Posters shouldn't update with a dramatic post if they are not going to be there or are not willing to answer questions. Of course, no one is obliged to give details of their life but if you don't want follow up questions don't do the post in the first place. Those type of dramatic posts are what cause the soap opera.[/quote]
I see what you mean. I just wonder sometimes if people get a bit overwhelmed with all the comments , and some posters can get quite nasty. OP has said she has anxiety.

You've been so strong. Keep it up!

I would avoid contacting her or her family.

I've found with difficult teenagers that their parents can be just as bad or even worse. The behaviour doesn't come from nowhere.

I was asking if a phone could be put away during an activity - the whole time I was talking to the parent they were dicking about on their phone and not paying any attention. The child's phone later got damaged during a subsequent activity (luckily not run by me).

Sorry for your loss OP. It sounds as if your life away from these pages is even more distressing than it has sounded.

Yes, you have had more than enough to think about. I’m so sorry that your “friend” is not more empathetic.

OP, you really are going through the mill right now.

One moment at a time. That's all you can do.

Feel free to come and go as you please, OP you owe us nothing. I can understand how some of the less kind comments on this thread may exacerbate your anxiety.

I would agree with other posters that it may not be a good idea to contact friend’s mother, since your words could be taken out of context or weaponised against you.

This has been a horribly traumatic experience for you, but you will survive. 💐

My first instinct was that this ex-friend may have lied about a lot of stuff in her life, especially her housing situation. Friends would not question things or be suspicious and take it at face value. I wonder if she actually never had any claim or stake in the property whatsoever and instead rented it? Perhaps informally from the relative who supposedly co-owns it with her. Maybe they are the real owner and are fed up and disgusted with her and her dog etc. I reckon she is being kicked out and probably cannot afford a deposit, having possibly frittered away money and is planning on staying long-term once through the door. None of that should sway OP and in fact would be an even bigger reason to not let her come and stay. OP has to focus on her own mental health, her friend has forfeited any intervention or support at this point.

Hang in there OP, one day this will be just a bad memory

Oh my goodness OP! xx

Wow what a carry on