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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

970 replies

islandhoppin · 25/08/2021 23:11

As continued from my previous thread.

OP posts:
SpittinKitten · 30/08/2021 21:17

@Fernando072020

I think *@QueenBee52* was just trying to say if someone were creeping around her kitchen, she'd notice as she's always in her kitchen (in response to the people querying how op "just happened to see" the "friend" sneaking around)
Yep, this ^^
QueenBee52 · 30/08/2021 21:18

@Fernando072020

I think *@QueenBee52* was just trying to say if someone were creeping around her kitchen, she'd notice as she's always in her kitchen (in response to the people querying how op "just happened to see" the "friend" sneaking around)

Yes.. thank you..

Im in my kitchen a lot.. so I'd definitely see someone coming up to my kitchen door 🌸

Thiscantreallybehappening · 30/08/2021 21:19

Anyway, lets get back to the thread.

OP, lots of posters have asked questions but so far no answers ???

QueenBee52 · 30/08/2021 21:20

[quote Thiscantreallybehappening]**@QueenBee52
Quite high... Im in my kitchen a lot... and if she managed to open the door 😱

This answer made prompted me to ask the question. Why would you put this, it looks like you are the OP.

Like I said, I'm not the only poster to question it and like I said apologies if I'm wrong.[/quote]

Thank you.. you are wrong.. my wording perhaps wasn't clear..

I literally meant I'd see someone as Im in my kitchen more than any other room 🌸

Im horrified such an awful situation has been hijacked from OP ..

Thiscantreallybehappening · 30/08/2021 21:22

Im horrified such an awful situation has been hijacked from OP ..

I agree, where is OP to answer these questions? I don't understand why there is not more detail in her posts.

MNHQ
HebeMumsnet · 30/08/2021 21:24

Evening, everyone. We just wanted to try to get this thread back on track for the OP. To clear up any concerns, we can't see any evidence that the OP is sockying with anyone at all here - and it is usually pretty obvious from our end when that's happening. We hope that helps.

If we could leave that issue aside now, that would be great. We don't want to scare the OP off!

Thanks! Flowers

Original poster
islandhoppin · 30/08/2021 21:33

I'm still here, I haven't name changed! I have been really busy this evening but will answer questions when I can. As I say, at present It's still quite raw and the fact I've lost a best friend in this way really hurts.

OP posts:
Original poster
islandhoppin · 30/08/2021 21:41

What exactly happened when you found her at your back door?
She was standing at the back door to my house, which leads off of the kitchen / diner. Stupidly we don't yet have bolts on the back gate so anybody can come into the garden. She looked to be shuffling through her handbag, looked up snd we met eyes as i walked into the kitchen. By the time I'd called my DP downstairs (I don't want to have to deal with it, and the possibility of her trying to guilt trip me etc) she had run away.

Did your dogs wake up with all the commotion?*
The dogs were asleep in the living room, which is where I'd come through to the kitchen from. They didn't wake until I called DP from upstairs to come down - she had run off by then.*

When did you call the police and what have the police said?*
I called the police after updating you all on here and seeing that this was the general consensus. I have listened to all of your advice throughout and it's been very helpful!
*
Has your DP talked to her BF?*
My DP hasn't spoken to her boyfriend, he luckily hasn't been in touch whatsoever so far and I'm hoping this will remain. *

You are close to her family, what have they said?*
I haven't informed them to be totally honest. I didn't want to look a trouble maker / she said she said so i was trying to deal with it myself first and foremost. I think in the morning I'm going to send a message to her mum to see if all is okay.
*
I hope that this helps? X

OP posts:
BuckarooWithBruceGrobelaar · 30/08/2021 21:43

What did the police say?

BigButtons · 30/08/2021 21:45

Yes- what did the police actually say?

Original poster
islandhoppin · 30/08/2021 21:46

Did the police seem to take you seriously OP?
Yes they did thankfully. I did explain the entire situation and that it stemmed from me saying that I unfortunately couldn't have her stay. They said they have put it into their system and to keep them informed if she comes back.

Did they suggest any next steps?
They said to keep doors locked. Windows locked and get some bolts for the garden gate which we needed anyway. If she comes to the house keep calm and simply ask her to leave. If it gets heated call them right away, she's on their system now.

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 30/08/2021 21:49

Wow, OP. So sorry you are going through this buy I'm glad police listened and advised you.

Therealjudgejudy · 30/08/2021 21:50

OP, you poor love. This sounds like the plot of a psychological thriller.

Stay safe Flowers

Window1 · 30/08/2021 21:55

You're doing the right thing by not engaging and she will get bored soon and leave you alone.

Sorry you've lost a good friend.

Original poster
islandhoppin · 30/08/2021 21:55

Thank you, I hope that this helps to clear the situation up a little. Apologies for being quiet today, I've just really not been feeling up to it to be honest. X

OP posts:
Latecomer131 · 30/08/2021 21:57

OP, I would strongly advise against messaging her family, even if you are concerned about her mental state. She will most likely twist it, to try and claim that it's evidence that you are the one harassing her.

Lockdownbear · 30/08/2021 22:02

I wouldn't message her family either. Whatever you say will be twisted to suit them.

Just keep the police informed if you have any evidence of her stalking again.
It might seem daft but I wonder their thoughts on un-blocking her on FB just to let you gather evidence if she is still messaging you.

QueenBee52 · 30/08/2021 22:03

Im glad you involved the Police.. a footprint of this behaviour being kept on file can only help.. 🌸

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/08/2021 22:21

No need to apologise Op - you don't owe anyone here any kind of update (although it is good to hear that you're ok).

Justilou1 · 30/08/2021 22:21

She’s going to try and break in and claim squatters rights next

PandemicAtTheDisco · 30/08/2021 22:32

Glad to hear you are coping with everything.

I hope everything quietens down and maybe your friend realised how badly she was acting when you caught her in your garden but I've got an inkling that your ex friend hasn't quite given up yet.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 30/08/2021 22:32

@Thiscantreallybehappening

Im horrified such an awful situation has been hijacked from OP ..

I agree, where is OP to answer these questions? I don't understand why there is not more detail in her posts.

What an incredibly entitled post. OP doesn’t owe you anything.
FOJN · 30/08/2021 22:43

OP you said she was at your back door but looking in her handbag, is there anyway she could have a key?

Original poster
islandhoppin · 30/08/2021 22:44

She shouldn't have a key to here, I've never ever given her one!

OP posts:
Thiscantreallybehappening · 30/08/2021 22:45

OP, I would strongly advise against messaging her family, even if you are concerned about her mental state. She will most likely twist it, to try and claim that it's evidence that you are the one harassing her.

Disagree, family should be informed to support "friend" surely and how can it be twisted if "friend" is turning up at OP's house.