To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

Dd has been asked,
more than once, which parent she has borrowed her blue badge from. 🤬
I recently got asked who the hell I thought I was wandering into the disabled loo. It amused me because I use a stick and am very slow. I showed them my colostomy bag. I think they were too shocked to apologise!

I didn't very often get challenged when out with DD in her WAV but on one occasion some old duffer, who must have caught me on a bad day, challenged me as I got out of the car in a disabled bay of a near empty GP practice car park, where loads of the ordinary spaces are just as near to the door of the building, and I just responded with a brusque "who made you the parking warden" and continued with getting DD out of the car in her wheelchair.

@Raquelos

YABU (but only a bit).

She sounds like she didn't handle this very well and came off as rude, people do that sometimes when they are challenging a perceived wrong because they are working themselves up to a confrontation with a CF. An "excuse me are you blue badge holder" would have been a much more acceptable starting point from her.

But you weren't displaying your blue badge. If you had been maybe she wouldn't have challenged your friend. Displaying the blue badge early could have avoided this, that is what they are for after all.

I would prefer that people call out the CFs who use disabled spots when they aren't entitled to. Otherwise, you'd never be able find an empty disabled spot when you need it.

No remotely unreasonable. She hadn't left the car. You don't need the badge on show until that point.

I just remembered one of the other busy bodies I cam across, parking my car on Brighton sea front for a day trip, was mid manoeuvre into the disabled bay when a man crossed the road to knock on my car window to tell me I was parking in a blue badge space. I said yes I know, I was then told I didn’t look like I had one! How the hell can you tell when I’m sat in my car?? To me it’s all about perception I’m coming convinced people have this vision of what a blue badge holder should look like and if you don’t fit their criteria you must be challenged, there really does need to be some sort of campaign as others have said to highlight that disabilities can be invisible

You are well within you rights to tell some one to FUCK OFF. No explaining, no apologising just a simple FUCK OFF. but then again I’m at the end of my tether with arseholes this week

@Tara336

I just remembered one of the other busy bodies I cam across, parking my car on Brighton sea front for a day trip, was mid manoeuvre into the disabled bay when a man crossed the road to knock on my car window to tell me I was parking in a blue badge space. I said yes I know, I was then told I didn’t look like I had one! How the hell can you tell when I’m sat in my car?? To me it’s all about perception I’m coming convinced people have this vision of what a blue badge holder should look like and if you don’t fit their criteria you must be challenged, there really does need to be some sort of campaign as others have said to highlight that disabilities can be invisible

I agrre but some people can be so ignorant, there was an article in the Bolton news about Paddy McGuinness, s children and how they have a blue badge for at least one of their children, and someone commented so now autism is a disabillity? I have no idea what they thought it was!

With an able bodied child with a hidden disability, the judgemental stares are awful

What the hell is wrong with people? Why do things need to be challenged? What happened to keeping your mouth shut and thinking about what a waker the other person is?

Obviously there are million visible and invisible disabilities. If you think someone is abusing the disabled spot, just think about it. No need to say anything unless you were going to use the spot.

@Bloodypunkrockers But then we don't do shaking and crying either

When did I suggest I did shaking and crying ? I stood up for myself because the woman was a bully and showing her the badge didn’t satisfy her - she wanted to know why I needed to park so close to the door even though a quick look around would have told her it was the only wide wheelchair space available.

@Raquelos. But you weren't displaying your blue badge. If you had been maybe she wouldn't have challenged your friend. Displaying the blue badge early could have avoided this, that is what they are for after all.

The badge is not meant to be on permanent display, so it’s used as and when needed. As I explained, and others have pointed out, I wasn’t out of the car and the woman challenged me within seconds of pulling in . She didn’t give me time to display it or set the clock, and even when I showed it to her, she still wasn’t satisfied, so no, I don’t think it was that she didn’t handle it very well, she was nitpicking the details right up until she spotted the wheelchair.

You can qualify for a blue badge if you get 12 points for mobility due to overwhelming psychological distress for being out in public, things like agoraphobia, panic attacks etc, all invisible disabilities.

Before I say this Nat6999, I’m not having a go at you - you’ve brought up an interesting point. You’re referring to the PIP (personal independence payment) mobility component. I suppose this should be another thread, but hands up all those with the type of disability described above who have actually succeeded in getting any points at all in the mobility category ? Congratulations to those that have because in my experience awards for mental health issues for mobility purposes on PIP are very difficult to get. On the surface they seem to have opened up the mobility assessment to MH conditions, but PIP assessors are not specialists in MH issues and guidelines make it clear that, regardless of the difficulties a claimant may claim to have, if there is no specialist input for mental health, and evidence to back it up, then the condition does not merit an award. If you have a mix of physical and MH disabilities it’s a bit easier, but if you are just in the care of your GP - even on medication - it’s really difficult.

Just for context for above. A friend had a home assessment for PIP. Her mum was with her throughout the assessment and did most of the talking as my friend has severe MH issues and withdraws from people she doesn’t know. The assessment lasted 25 minutes and her claim was rejected because the assessor felt she made good eye contact and her memory was good - said that her condition wouldn’t present much day to day difficulty. A lot of medical and other evidence was presented but because the assessor has the last word, that was that. She was eventually awarded higher rate care and standard mobility after a tribunal overturned the decision.

[quote Rosscameasdoody]**@Bloodypunkrockers* But then we don't do shaking and crying either*

When did I suggest I did shaking and crying ? I stood up for myself because the woman was a bully and showing her the badge didn’t satisfy her - she wanted to know why I needed to park so close to the door even though a quick look around would have told her it was the only wide wheelchair space available.[/quote]
You didn't and that wasn't aimed at you

It as in the context of Mumsnet world vs real world. Not about your own situation, apologies if you thought that.
I could have easily said we don't do huge salads and wear bodenI

Rosscameasdoody I had no specialist input for mental health but got a combined score of 12 points due to overwhelming psychological distress & moving around on appeal. Thankfully I got a 10 year award so don't have to renew until 2028.

YANBU, Absolutely outrageous. You did well not to run the car over her.
I was once at a theme park, looking after an 11 year old boy with severe non verbal Autism who was making noises and flapping. He was having a great time.
Out of nowhere 2 older ladies came up to me and told me he needed a good slap.
Sometimes I hate people.

@Nat6999. Glad you got the appropriate award - it proves the point though doesn’t it ? Even though it’s marginally easier to get the mobility score with combined MH and physical moving around difficulties, you still had to go to appeal to get the right award.

I just remembered one of the other busy bodies I cam across, parking my car on Brighton sea front for a day trip, was mid manoeuvre into the disabled bay when a man crossed the road to knock on my car window to tell me I was parking in a blue badge space. I said yes I know, I was then told I didn’t look like I had one! How the hell can you tell when I’m sat in my car?? To me it’s all about perception I’m coming convinced people have this vision of what a blue badge holder should look like and if you don’t fit their criteria you must be challenged, there really does need to be some sort of campaign as others have said to highlight that disabilities can be invisible

As I mentioned upthread, a lot of people really do want to compartmentalise disabled people and have them know their place. If you drive anything nicer than one of those tiny old pale blue single-person 'invalid carriages' (I believe they were known as) - never mind the fact that disabled people might need a carer or like to go places with their families and friends with them, like everybody else - you're obviously getting way above your station and trying to arrogantly mingle with the 'normal' people.

I've heard people several times making negative comments about disabled people having cars that they deem to be 'too nice'. Obviously, you would expect that a person with significant disabilities probably wouldn't find a tiny, cramped little next-to-the-ground sports car suitable for their personal requirements, but I'm talking about people with a nice shiny new BMW saloon or and even more expensive make of car.

Financial status/earning capability doesn't suddenly make your legs work properly again, but why should a high-earner not 'be allowed' to spend their own money on an expensive, luxury car, should they wish to - just because they also have a disability?

@Lweji

You're basically saying that you parked on a disabled bay and that your car didn't display a badge and you were challenged by someone who saw a car without a blue badge park in a disabled bay, thus sticking out for people who need to use that bay (you) and you're angry at that person.

Your friend or you just needed to say you had a badge.
And be happy people are willing to challenge piss takers that park on disabled bays taking your spot.

I read the OP, and she was just about to get the badge out to put on display. Not everyone has the badge on permanent display when it isn't necessary.

The time to make a challenge is after people have exited and locked up a car. Not before. And be polite when doing so.

Both my parents had/have blue badges, and I get so sick and tired of the terminally self righteous asking intrusive questions when I've been ferrying my dad, or my late mum, about. So many people seem to expect chapter and verse on whatever medical conditions a disabled person has.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

It’s even worse when you’re driving a motability car. The misconceptions that abound and the general hostility towards the scheme from able bodied people has to be experienced to be believed.

Motability keeps disabled people mobile when they would otherwise struggle to afford a car. To be eligible, you have to be in receipt of the higher award of the mobility component, so people driving them will always have the most difficult MH or mobility issues.

I’ve heard able bodied people say that it’s a disgusting waste of tax payers money - motability is a charity which sources the cars and they don’t cost the tax payer a penny !! The cars are leased in return for paying over the mobility component of PIP for the duration of the lease - an allowance that has been assessed using stringent rules, and awarded accordingly, and yet I’ve seen disabled people being challenged in the same way as the BB police if they’ve let it slip that they drive a motability car.

Blimey, more than 40 people pressed YABU!

@TurquoiseDragon. Thank you - that was my whole point, but I’m amazed at the number of people who have read my posts and are still under the impression that I had left the car without displaying the badge. The whole confrontation started seconds after I pulled into the space and this woman didn’t give me a chance to do anything - she saw my friend get out and decided that she would have a go. Even when I showed her the badge it wasn’t enough - as you so rightly say, some people seem to think they’re entitled to chapter and verse as to the reasons you have the badge at all.

@VickyEadieofThigh

Blimey, more than 40 people pressed YABU!

Judging by some of the comments on the thread and the fact that some people are not reading my posts properly, it doesn’t surprise me !!

Financial status/earning capability doesn't suddenly make your legs work properly again, but why should a high-earner not 'be allowed' to spend their own money on an expensive, luxury car, should they wish to - just because they also have a disability?
Because people think if you're disabled all you can do is sit indoors and watch the telly all day?

Honestly cannot believe the front of some ppl. You and ur friend should have told her to fuck right off. What gives anyone the right to quiz anyone else. Like ppl don’t have enough problems of their own they need to go and upset others !

I am disabled and when I am sitting in the passenger seat it is difficult to see I have no legs. I can't drive anymore.
My husband and I have been challenged many times and to be honest with you, you need to toughen up. If I see someone coming over, and you can spot the busy bodies, we just sit and wait - mostly laughing.

My advice is to never, ever, ever explain, never, ever show your blue badge, to anyone random, until you get out.

Why would you explain to a busy body off the street what your conditions are? Like the PP, you should have told her to mind her own business and literally fuck off. Honestly, when you stop thinking you need to explain or show 'evidence' it will amuse you no end.