To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

We have DDs strapped to the underside of the sun visor

We don't use a timer, just show the badge

BlankTimes. Go for it. Let's us know what the police say. Ffs

Should it happen that some self-appointed busybody would do so, they'll be given short shrift starting with me recording them on my phone, telling them they are being recorded and asking what authority they have to question my use of the space as there is a BB displayed

But there wasn't a bb displayed 🙄

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

Try reading again before you go off on one. The woman grilled the OP demanding to know what their condition was after grilling their friend.

@DonLewis

Yeah, my mum had a laryngectomy. She couldn't speak, had to have a massive battery powered suction machine in the car in case of a blockage in her trachea. Blue badge. She was weak, ill and dying. Yet, she looked bizarrely healthy to people who didn't know that she'd lost in excess of 10 stone, had radiotherapy that very nearly killed her, and was a depressed shadow of her former self.

A couple did exactly what you describe, frothing, angry, how dare you take a disabled space tirade. My mom, calm as anything lifted up her scarf and showed them (because she couldn't speak) the hole in her neck.

They too were shocked, mumbled something that I imagine was an apology and scarpered pdq.

My poor mom hated going out, hated being disabled, hated not being able to speak, hated life actually. These people made all of that worse. It took a long time for her to call me anywhere that wasn't hospital with me again.

She died less than a year later.

Hopefully they learned their lesson. Sorry for your loss.

@Bryonyshcmyony

Should it happen that some self-appointed busybody would do so, they'll be given short shrift starting with me recording them on my phone, telling them they are being recorded and asking what authority they have to question my use of the space as there is a BB displayed

But there wasn't a bb displayed 🙄

She wasn't out of the fucking car. What are you not understanding?! Jesus wept

Bryonyshcmyony
But there wasn't a bb displayed

Because the disabled person had not left the vehicle.

As I explained, the timer disc needs to be set when you arrive then it and the BB need to be displayed.

@isthisareverse

I don't think you've quite grasped the issue here - nor do you apparently have any appreciation that disabled people will frequently take far longer to do/process basic things than able-bodied people will. They already have more than enough 'drama' in their lives and don't need busybodies adding more.

You are becoming ridiculous.

Put the badge BEFORE you open the door and get out. If you had time to be out, like in the OP, you had time to put the badge first.

I don't go challenging bad parkers, and maybe I should - even if MN is about "minding your own business" but only when it suits the narrative of the day

But such a drama about someone who wasn't wrong is not necessary, that's the point.

You think it's ok for anyone to park in disabled bay? Your choice. Not everyone will agree. It's just going round in circle here.

Clearly, you aren’t reading the OP correctly. The friend is the one who was out of the car, not the OP.

I have a life limiting disease, and am months away from being permanently in a wheelchair. Every outing is a major production. It takes time to sort myself out, including putting out the blue badge, before I can get going. Fortunately, I travel mostly with DH so he’s the one outside the car and he doesn’t get questioned.

@1forAll74

My Son is disabled, paralysed from the chest down, but he drives a vehicle which is adapted for his driving needs, his wheelchair is usually in his vehicle which he has to transfer to. Recently he gave me a lift to a Wickes store, I was just rushing in for two tins of paint, he was staying in his vehicle. We were in a disabled bay, A mouthy woman nearby, was staring at us. She saw the disabled badge thing.

When I came back after a few minutes, she said, why are you parked in this disabled spot, you seem not disabled. I said my Son is disabled, so she said, well he never got out of the vehicle, so he didn't need to park here. I felt like slinging my two heavy tins of paint at her for her tone of voice, and her stupidity.

Well the lady had a point

I have had similar, I have MS and have a blue badge, I make a great effort to look well it’s important to me as it’s something I can control (those of you with chronic illness will understand). I have been shouted at, had people sidle over to see if I have a badge (usually older people) and had things muttered at me as I walk away from the car. I have even had comments about the car I drive as if you have a blue badge you really should be driving around in a plain, sensible motability car not something luxurious or sporty. You should also fall out of your into a wheel chair or hobble past looking like death and only then will you pass the “man/woman on the streets medical”. When I have been challenged I have either said “can I help you?” At those straining to see my badge or to those that make comments (especially the “you do t look disabled brigade”) I usually say “wow do you think you could come to my next neurologist appointment and let him know that we can stop all treatment now as you say I’m cured” they usually scuttle off pretty quickly

I have developed a way of speaking with an "edge" to my voice and a way of speaking which cuts entitled bullies people down to size. Several times my nephew has been with me when I was challenged in a disability issue and the person concerned walked off rather than continue the exchange. I am told I have a tongue like a lash and I quite enjoy cutting these people down to size.

Some useful phrases:-

Ill need to see your ID before continuing this conversation?

Your an off duty police officer, yes?

Someone from the government or the local council, yes?

So, who and what are you to tell me what to do?

You are nobody and nothing *!~% off!

Aprilx
It isn't down to other customers to police disabled spaces. Why should the OP have to justify herself. My dd has one. She doesn't have a visible disability. Should I have to explain out her autism and challenging behaviour to a complete stranger? No I don't think so. In order to get the blue badge I have already provided plenty of details and evidence.

@Rosscameasdoody I was yelled at in the street by a woman as I had taken HER space that SHE needed. When we parked we used an empty blue badge bay, I had been in a very long MS relapse and was beginning to feel better, DH thought he would take me to tea to cheer me up and actually get me out of the house. I put on my new smart coat (was excited to wear it) and did my hair and make up for first time in weeks as it was a real treat to leave the house. We parked up in the empty bay and went to tea, when we walked the very short distance back to the car this angry woman was by it and started shouting at us. DH pointed to the blue badge and she yelled at us that we were rude (no idea why) she had a bad hip and I didn’t need the space, DH did say my wife has MS and I told him off as not her business. What made me laugh after was she managed to shoot off down the road at quite a pace for someone with a bad hip that NEEDED that space more then me. Some people are truly horrible I’m sorry you went through that

@DonLewis

Yeah, my mum had a laryngectomy. She couldn't speak, had to have a massive battery powered suction machine in the car in case of a blockage in her trachea. Blue badge. She was weak, ill and dying. Yet, she looked bizarrely healthy to people who didn't know that she'd lost in excess of 10 stone, had radiotherapy that very nearly killed her, and was a depressed shadow of her former self.

A couple did exactly what you describe, frothing, angry, how dare you take a disabled space tirade. My mom, calm as anything lifted up her scarf and showed them (because she couldn't speak) the hole in her neck.

They too were shocked, mumbled something that I imagine was an apology and scarpered pdq.

My poor mom hated going out, hated being disabled, hated not being able to speak, hated life actually. These people made all of that worse. It took a long time for her to call me anywhere that wasn't hospital with me again.

She died less than a year later.

I'm so sorry this happened to your mum. What utter fuckers some people are.

Well I really hope the embarrassment of this situation stops her making ridiculous assumptions and doing it again. Who the fuck so these people think they are! God it makes be so angry!

There's been a lot of comment on here from people thinking someone pulling into a BB space should already have their badge on display in the car.

I think there's a lot of subconscious internalised ableism, to be honest. People aren't seen as people like anybody else, but who happen to also have a disability - they're disabled people who need to quietly live their disabled life in a way that everybody else can clearly see and mark them out (and make sure that they approve), drive their disabled car, do their disabled shopping and their other disabled errands and never try to get above their disabled station by thinking that they or their time and preferences are as important as AB people.

So much easier to just write them off and put them in a tiny little box marked 'disabled (ignore)' whilst everybody else gets put in a huge box just marked 'people'

@ssd

Im sorry you had this happen to you, for some reason mainly older people think they can police this sometimes. I think you did the right thing

Prejudice against disability is wrong, but ageism is still A-OK on Mumsnet

Absolutely.

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

Except it’s actually NONE OF HER FUCKING BUSINESS is it?

@Rosscameasdoody

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot,

So an able person hopped out of your car and there was no blue badge displayed - what the fuck did you expect when you looked like a. n. other cheeky fucker?

we have to put with this most days. Have done for years
its always the older generation .

boys are 16 and 11 now ,both very tall, very healthy looking and robust boys. they have always been big boys so to the outsider there is nothing "wrong"
both have a range of complex conditions each. Think asd etc so all hidden disabilities

both have a blue badge each and receive high dla and high pip. have done for years.

both are runners and cant cope if its to busy so we park in the closest disabled bay to the doors. Been done this since 2007

you did way better than me ,i am my user name so i never explain when confronted i always bite back fuck off nothing do with you love jog on. i say this practically every single day. its been a Million times worse since lockdown.

my local supermarket knows us and all the queuing in the lockdowns my boys could not cope with and being a single mother i couldn't leave them so we had verbal and written permission from the store manager to just walk in no matter the queue. All staff knew this as well

we are all also exempt from masks i wear 3 lanyards as boys cant tolerate them with the sunflower symbol .that's explanatory enough but they also have a compartment with the exempt on as well so 2 in one.
the rows ive gotten into and the slapped arse looks on peoples faces when staff back me up

i agree with the radar key comments as well. we also get shit from that.
boys are 6ft 2 and 5ft 3 both need my supervision so disabled it is
hard bloody lines

I've had this! I was with my then-baby but was parking in disabled. I seemingly only fit into the stereotype of lazy Mum. They were aggressive and scary. I should've reported it.

I'm sick to fucking death of it!!!!!!!!!!

Just point out that my above example is only one of MANY, MANY! It happens EVERY. SINGLE. GOD DAMN TIME!!!!!!

@randomsabreuse

I got the impression that OP had the badge in the car/her bag while actually driving it and was intending to (and did) display the badge once she had done the whole handbrake on, make car safe, display badge stuff. No point advertising that you have a blue badge while driving - it's hardly going to improve the way people drive around you!

It's good practice to only display removable things when required, especially if they are not vehicle specific (blue badge applies to person not vehicle!)

My blue badge is on my dash board at all times! This is for one reason and one reason only - I'm a forgetful scatter brain (this is recognized as one of the major symptoms of my condition) and I have forgotten to display it more times than I like to remember. Some of those tickets were cancelled upon later proving I had a BB. However, understandably, some were not! I cannot afford a fine 2/3/4 times a month.

So, since 2013 each BB has spent it's entirety on my Dash with no tickets and no issues 🤷🏼‍♀️

Of course I've just tempted fate and will now probably find it gets somehow stolen 🙄

@BlankTimes

There's been a lot of comment on here from people thinking someone pulling into a BB space should already have their badge on display in the car.

Whether they think BB's should be permanently displayed like tax discs were, or whether they think a driver or passenger should just pop it on the dashboard to slide around (and likely slide off) whilst parking, I'm not sure, but both seem to be very uninformed assumptions.

Here are couple of points that people don't appear to understand.

BBs come with a timer disc that needs to be set when you arrive.

A BB consists of the badge and a timer disc, I wouldn't want anything of that size permanently stuck on my windscreen and how would anyone easily set the timer disc if it was?

There is a huge black market for BBs, when my DD's was last issued, she was told she had to be aware of that and not to leave it on permanent display. The out of date badge needs to be returned to the place of issue and its destruction is recorded.

As for a traffic or parking warden wondering about the age of a BB user, the birthdate is encoded in the numbers on the front as is the sex and other details. I'd have no objection to them asking to see the photo (which you are told not to display) but really a lot of info is already there in plain sight.

We park in a space, DD takes her BB and timer disc which are in a protective case and sets the time, then displays them on the dashboard.

I am hugely tempting fate now, but my now adult DD with invisible disabilities has had a BB since being a young teen and we've never been challenged.

Should it happen that some self-appointed busybody would do so, they'll be given short shrift starting with me recording them on my phone, telling them they are being recorded and asking what authority they have to question my use of the space as there is a BB displayed.
If they argue, I'll ask them to state their name and address and inform them I'll take the video to the Police station to report harassment of a disabled person.

'Harassment of a Disabled Person' isn't a specific crime. Harassment is though. Being disabled (as I am myself) does not give any of us Top Trumps within the legal system - if only!

Harassment within criminal law is quantified as a series of events. The Police would categorically NOT act upon one person asking a question.

I get it - I am confronted EVERY single time I park in disabled. I've had my car hit by a man with a walking stick, had my shoulder grabbed, allllllll sorts. I agree it is infuriating and needs to stop. If I was well enough, I'd go on This Morning to raise awareness of invisible disabilities just to try being down the occurrences of this - I genuinely feel that strongly about it!!! BUT...... Police wouldn't have anything to act upon. It's (unfortunately in these cases) not a crime to ask someone a question. You run the risk of sounding like a child saying "I'm going to tell the teachers on you....".
Be the bigger person, humiliate them by flashing the BB and even the photo if you wish. Make them see they were wrong and maybe, just maybe it might stop them doing it again! I know you shouldn't have to, but if it stops them doing it again, surely it's worth it?

@TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY its always the older generation - Yep!!!! I've said this for years. All due respect of course. I'm not saying it's all older people of course not! But every single person who has ever confronted me, has been at least 60