To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

PeggyArmstrong - So an able person hopped out of your car and there was no blue badge displayed - what the fuck did you expect when you looked like a. n. other cheeky fucker?

Good grief - NO - she looked like any disabled person who cannot travel without assistance.

It's a pretty usual situation

• drive into space
• DH hops out to retrieve wheelchair or 4-wheel walker from boot
• I sit in car and retrieve blue badge and set clock
• DH brings mobility aid alongside car
• I place badge etc on dashboard
• I then use dashboard and overhead handle to pivot 90 degrees and dh helps me down

What is wrong with the above scenario and why does it make me a cf?

@PurpleDaisies

Or maybe I live in a normal town with normal people and not Mumsnet land

All those posters on here sharing the abuse they get for daring to be in possession on a BB and using it are lying?

Yes that's exactly what i said

Yes that's exactly what i said

It is absolutely what you implied. That posters here are in a parallel universe abs your town represents what actually happens in real life.

Would you care to clarify? Do you think holders of BB experience the kind of abuse the op describes or not?

@Bloodypunkrockers. The inference being that myself and others on the thread are lying about our experiences ? If you’ve not been challenged you’re either very lucky, or possibly have an obvious health condition. Interestingly, you’ve inadvertently made a good point. I’ve moved home several times in the last 20 years and I’ve found that I’ve been challenged more, or less, according to the area I’m living in - which is definitely not ‘mumsnet land’ !!

[quote Rosscameasdoody]@Bloodypunkrockers. The inference being that myself and others on the thread are lying about our experiences ? If you’ve not been challenged you’re either very lucky, or possibly have an obvious health condition. Interestingly, you’ve inadvertently made a good point. I’ve moved home several times in the last 20 years and I’ve found that I’ve been challenged more, or less, according to the area I’m living in - which is definitely not ‘mumsnet land’ !![/quote]
Well I can't argue with your inference

There have been some posters who have shared their experiences of being abised DESPITE having blue badges. That's a handful

And it may be something that's particularly English, who knows

My experience - and yes it's my experience - is that if you go to any supermarket, hotel car park, even outside schools, the likelihood is greater that it will be someone without a blue badge and I'm all for challenging.

I'm involved in several charities relating to my DDs disability and parents groups etc and have never come across anyone who has been challenged for having a blue badge

But then we don't do shaking and crying either

@Bloodypunkrockers. And based on personal experience the likelihood is higher that it will be someone abusing it than it would be someone genuine

Would you like to expand on your ‘personal experience’ because I really don’t understand that statement. Have you challenged someone yourself, or have you just picked this out of the air because you’ve seen someone parking in a BB spot who doesn’t fit your idea of how disabled people look ?

My late mother had a blue badge. Non blue badge holders (or displayers) parking in spaces used to really piss me off as it seriously restricted access to places for my Mum.

Like another poster I used to helpfully warn people without a blue badge up (usually after they had locked their cars) that the spaces were policed and fines given (this was true) and I didn't want them to get caught out.

I was also challenged once myself about "not looking disabled". It was a crappy evening. We were attempting to go to the theatre. My Mum had been really difficult about using her wheelchair so I'd had to drop her off at the theatre. Drive elsewhere to park (directly outside the theatre wasn't an option despite the blue badge) and then rush back to rescue her from the seat I'd dumped her in just inside they foyer door to walk her into our seats.

That was actually the last time we went to the theatre as after that experience I said I'd only take her if she used her wheelchair as with that I'd have been able to simply park up safely and push her round the corner.

The fact that she let her embarrassment over being seen in a wheelchair win out over a trip to the theatre (which she loved) with her daughter (who she was meant to love) said a lot about how fucked up attitudes to long term illness and disability are.

I'm still deeply resentful that she missed out on so much stuff with my siblings and I because she wouldn't use a wheelchair.

@Bloodypunkrockers

L*ST * my views might not align with yours but that doesn't mean they're wrong

Most abuse of disabled parking is by people who are not disabled. Even the poster who just ran into wickes for her tins of paint counts on that.

So if you told me to fuck off - or if you told my disabled DD who gets very upset at seeing badgeless cars, I fear you might regret starting that one

Ooo why what would you do? If you questioned me before I had my badge out you'd be correctly told to keep your nose out and to fuck off.

[quote Rosscameasdoody]**@Bloodypunkrockers. And based on personal experience the likelihood is higher that it will be someone abusing it than it would be someone genuine

Would you like to expand on your ‘personal experience’ because I really don’t understand that statement. Have you challenged someone yourself, or have you just picked this out of the air because you’ve seen someone parking in a BB spot who doesn’t fit your idea of how disabled people look ?[/quote]
As I've already said it's based on cars being in disabled spaces without blue badges.

They are parked. There is no one in them just rummaging for the badge. They are empty. They are parked

Or the person exiting said cars without blue badges are just nipping in and will only be 5 minutes. They have no badge displayed

Or are you now saying they even if they don't have a blue badge and they clearly are not stopping to find it and display it, that's ok because they might have a hidden disability

For absolute clarity

A If you're parked in a space without a badge you're a prick

B If you have a blue badge, no one needs to challenge you and if they do, as a few posters have said has happened to them, a simple MYOB is all that's needed

and I'm sharing my reality that A happens more often than B based on my experience

LST

"Oo?

What a mature response

If you speak to me like a fishwife, with such a limited vocabulary, I'll respond in kind

Parents who have to fight for everything are well able to stand up for themselves. We can adjust our communication to suit all manner of situations, even when the other person is clearly so verbally challenged.

@Bloodypunkrockers

LST

"Oo?

What a mature response

If you speak to me like a fishwife, with such a limited vocabulary, I'll respond in kind

Parents who have to fight for everything are well able to stand up for themselves. We can adjust our communication to suit all manner of situations, even when the other person is clearly so verbally challenged.

Yes because threatening someone is really mature isn't it. Bless you.

If someone questions me as to why I am parking in a disabled space before I have had chance to put my BB on the dash they deserve to be sworn at. As they are a twat.

L*ST
*
Almost as mature as telling someone to fuck off

But not surprising from someone who says "Bless" and clearly thinks that makes them all edgy and clever

Hint: it really doesn't, pet

@Bloodypunkrockers

L*ST * Almost as mature as telling someone to fuck off

But not surprising from someone who says "Bless" and clearly thinks that makes them all edgy and clever

Hint: it really doesn't, pet

If I was a nosey busy body who asked someone who hadn't even got out of the car if they should be parked in a disabled bay I would quite rightly assume they'd tell me to fuck off.

And you still haven't told me what you'd do? I don't think it's me being all edgy do you? Duck.

I’ve been a BB holder for many years and only been very mildly challenged once but I believe you.

@Bloodypunkrockers

LST

"Oo?

What a mature response

If you speak to me like a fishwife, with such a limited vocabulary, I'll respond in kind

Parents who have to fight for everything are well able to stand up for themselves. We can adjust our communication to suit all manner of situations, even when the other person is clearly so verbally challenged.

Well, many disabled people who have had to fight for everything are well able to stand up for themselves. You’re challenging the wrong people, you should be on the same side. It’s completely unreasonable not to give people with disabilities time to get out the car, stand up and get a badge out. Totally different if they’re already moving away from the vehicle but standing by it?! Come on!

Bloodypunkrockers Thu 26-Aug-21 11:41:15

Well I can't argue with your inference
Well you certainly seemed to imply it - I read it that way as well

There have been some posters who have shared their experiences of being abised DESPITE having blue badges. That's a handful
There have been a lot on this thread alone - more than 5 - so more than a handful

And it may be something that's particularly English, who knows
It is much more common and aggressive in England based on my own experience of using my blue badge in England, Scotland, Denmark, Norway, Finland, Iceland, Sweden, Germany, Holland, Italy, Ireland, Switzerland and Liechtenstein,

My experience - and yes it's my experience - is that if you go to any supermarket, hotel car park, even outside schools, the likelihood is greater that it will be someone without a blue badge and I'm all for challenging
It may well be - but it is also stupidity to "challenge" where the driver has not even left the vehicle where a wheelchair is being retrieved from the boot.
Even more stupid to continue an aggressive challenge after being shown the blue badge

I'm involved in several charities relating to my DDs disability and parents groups etc and have never come across anyone who has been challenged for having a blue badge
Glad you have had such a positive experience

But then we don't do shaking and crying either
Are you really mocking the experiences of other disabled people? Because this really reads like a mocking statement

Mickarooni

Not ONCE have I said I would challenge someone who was in the process of getting out

You're right though. We have to fight for so much. That's why I have no issue with anyone misusing a disabled a space

I've also made it crystal clear that anyone who has a blue badge, knowing how difficult they are to get, doesn't need to explain themselves

Everything else is just aggro for the sake of it frankly.

@Bloodypunkrockers

Mickarooni

Not ONCE have I said I would challenge someone who was in the process of getting out

You're right though. We have to fight for so much. That's why I have no issue with anyone misusing a disabled a space

I've also made it crystal clear that anyone who has a blue badge, knowing how difficult they are to get, doesn't need to explain themselves

Everything else is just aggro for the sake of it frankly.

That didn't come out right

I have issue with people misusing the spaces.

I wanted to put one of these stickers on our car. DD's disabilities are (so far) invisible, but she doesn't want attention drawn.

I have seen these stickers on other cars though. Perhaps a similar sign within the BB parking area could be useful.

Ooh, they look great. I can totally see why you wouldn't want to draw attention to your own personal circumstances, though. How great it would be if there were a lot of 'allies' - if it became the norm for able-bodied people (and disabled people too, of course) to display them everywhere.

That would be a great 'stick' with which to beat the 'but you don't look disabled' brigade - when you could point out that most drivers in the car park clearly understood the plain fact, but they appear to be in the minority who obviously aren't bright enough to don't.

@Fairyliz

It’s a difficult one as it appears that she was actually confronting your friend who from your description isn’t actually disabled? I always assumed these spots were for physically disabled people but I read a while ok it can also be for mental disability I.e. anxiety. Is this true? If it is that sounds odd as I assumed they were for people who had difficulty walking so they could park closer to shops etc

Well no, they have changed the law to make it easier for people with hidden disabilities to get a blue badge, my son has no physical disabilities but has a blue badge due to having severe autism and learning disabilities, zero awareness of danger etc, people still have to be assessed for a blue badge and lots of people who apply for one dont get them.

YABU (but only a bit).

She sounds like she didn't handle this very well and came off as rude, people do that sometimes when they are challenging a perceived wrong because they are working themselves up to a confrontation with a CF. An "excuse me are you blue badge holder" would have been a much more acceptable starting point from her.

But you weren't displaying your blue badge. If you had been maybe she wouldn't have challenged your friend. Displaying the blue badge early could have avoided this, that is what they are for after all.

I would prefer that people call out the CFs who use disabled spots when they aren't entitled to. Otherwise, you'd never be able find an empty disabled spot when you need it.

@Raquelos the OP hadn't got out of the car... In an analogous scenario (as posted upthread), if another driver pulled into a non disabled space in a pay and display car park but had not yet got out of the car, would you be okay with a passing member of the public hassling them to ensure they knew they had to pay for a ticket? I presume the answer is no, so why is it okay to hassle the OP before she's even out of the car?

You can qualify for a blue badge if you get 12 points for mobility due to overwhelming psychological distress for being out in public, things like agoraphobia, panic attacks etc, all invisible disabilities.

@HarrietsChariot

I've had this too, I've found it's much more fun to turn it on them by demanding to know their personal information e.g.

"How many people have you slept with?"
"When did you last masturbate, and what did you use to arouse yourself?"
"Has the thrush cleared up?"

"When did you last masturbate, and what did you use to arouse yourself?" I'd be so tempted to add "and are you doing it now?"

My DP has a blue badge, but he doesn't have a car. I won't let him put it on the dashboard until I'm all parked up - it reflects off the windscreen when I'm driving and just slides off when I do a handbrake turn into the parking space.

@Raquelos

YABU (but only a bit).

She sounds like she didn't handle this very well and came off as rude, people do that sometimes when they are challenging a perceived wrong because they are working themselves up to a confrontation with a CF. An "excuse me are you blue badge holder" would have been a much more acceptable starting point from her.

But you weren't displaying your blue badge. If you had been maybe she wouldn't have challenged your friend. Displaying the blue badge early could have avoided this, that is what they are for after all.

I would prefer that people call out the CFs who use disabled spots when they aren't entitled to. Otherwise, you'd never be able find an empty disabled spot when you need it.

You might have a point if OP had got out or if she had left her car. But OP had not got out of the car or had a chance to put her blue badge up. She even showed her blue badge to the nosey woman who continued to rant at her for not looking disabled enough. How is that remotely acceptable?

Would you expect someone to come and shout at you for not having paid and displayed as soon as your car stops? If not why is it acceptable because OP is disabled?