To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

@PeggyArmstrong Don't spout such utter bollocks! Are you one of these pain in the arse self-appointed car park police?

Plenty of disabled people can need to go out or go shopping accompanied by able-bodied carers or helpers.

I am able-bodied and have no blue badge. I'm sometimes driving my elderly and disabled mother though, who does have one, and then we use the disabled parking bays. I will park the car and get out to go and put the wheelchair up. While I am doing that my mother will be getting her blue badge out of her handbag and displaying it in my windscreen. It is a perfectly legitimate method of doing things.

Anyone who doesn't like that can get to fuck, and would be told as much by me if they were twatty enough to challenge it.

I’m disabled and don’t look it. I get glares if I sit in one of the seats for disabled people on the bus. I glare straight back.

So, from reading the first 40+ posts, I take away from this thread that people who have blue badges, and require disabled parking, DO NOT want third parties like myself challenging individuals parking in those spaces. OK that's fine. Happy to not involve myself. What help/intervention would you like? Or think appropriate.

I have a child with an spld so we dont need or use a BB. But we often need help in other ways.

I do challenge organisations on disability. Have just challenged HMRC this evening relating to how someone with an SPLD would deal with their automated prompts. It was too fast.

Yes the woman was a dick but tbh to her, at first you looked like two able bodied women parking in a disabled space. She made a mistake

You are part of the problem. Not all disabilities are visible, its not rocket science to understand that!

I've so far been fortunate enough to not have anyone comment. However, I'm not naïve enough to think it won't happen at some point. Given I have family members who think I lied my way to an NHS wheelchair (they decided without any medical training that I don't have a REAL illness), I don't hold out much hope for the general public.

What help/intervention would you like? Or think appropriate

None at all unless you are actually a car park attendant, police or council officer paid to enforce the regulations. If you aren't any of those then do nothing as it is none of your business.

@Xenia

Well done to the boy who took off his leg and waved it! That will teach people not to press people on these issues (although yesterday an Indian man in a massive range rover pulled into parent and child parking (not disabled) and I nearly spoke out - he had no child with hm, no child seat in the car - definitely no right to be there; but then I thought may be he had a really rotten day so let it just go - no point in having rows with people as you never know whether they are going through awful things or that they break rules and laws left right and centre.

What has him being Indian got to do with it? Don’t be so ridiculous.

@Topseyt

What help/intervention would you like? Or think appropriate

None at all unless you are actually a car park attendant, police or council officer paid to enforce the regulations. If you aren't any of those then do nothing as it is none of your business.

I spend my life challenging organisations and individuals on my DC's needs, so it is second nature to me to step in. But your point is well made to a point. However I do genuinely believe that the village raises the child, so we all as a society have responsibility and accountability for those around us. I find it very difficult not to question what looks odd. For example, the 2 builder vans parked in the DISABLED layby opposite the Costa in my local village. That needs dealing with by locals. There will never be "a car park attendant, police or council officer paid to enforce" around in time. Seriously we are rural - not that rural but rural enough that none of these paid officials will ever be there to enforce anything. No matter how many times it is reported to the council. So if that attitude is to change it takes a member of society to say something. Any one of us. So I dont accept your statement that it is none of my business. It is my business and yours, even if you dont choose to do anything.

The 2 disabled spaces are directly outside the local pharmacy. I hope that the requirement for 2 spaces was properly thought through by the council. So accepting that - those 2 spaces need to be kept clear. So that those in the village who need that disabled access are indeed able to access those spaces. But who should enforce?

@spongedog

It is NOT your business to challenge potentially disabled people and try to oblige them to explain themselves to you.

If you are completely certain (which you probably can't be) about misuse of disabled parking bays then note down the model of the vehicle and the registration number so that you can then report the issue to the store security or other relevant authorities.

Don't risk adding to the difficulties of people who are already in a problematic situation. It wouldn't be a good look. Cringeworthy more like.

People like this are the reason i've hesitated applying for a blue badge, despite having an automatic qualifying condition. Because i look able bodied, but when my condition flares up every metre is agony. The extra 4 or so metres to the next row of spaces could be the difference in me making it to the car okay, or having major pelvic muscle spasm that makes me lose bladder control completely.
I just wouldn't cope with being confronted due to additional MH issues. The alternative though is being mostly housebound.

I've experienced the same, I have been a blue badge user since I was 40, I used to look much younger & had people glaring when I have parked in a disabled bay & even had a couple walk right up to my car to check I had a blue badge when I was still sat in the car. I once had to use a disabled toilet in a supermarket when I was out with ds & had wet myself, I had to go & buy some leggings & knickers as I hadn't any dry clothes. Someone kept rattling the door when I was getting changed, when I opened the door to come out a man shouted that I shouldn't be using the toilet as I wasn't disabled, this wasn't my proudest hour but I pulled my pee soaked jeans out of the carrier bag & nearly stuffed them in his face.

YANBU
Since COVID everyone is now a scientist and the police. It’s given everyone a feeling of the right to know everything about their neighbour. The govt encouraged people to snitch on their neighbours and it only encouraged older busy bodies like this. They have a warped feeling of the right to interfere in things that aren’t their business. Well done for calling her out. People now need to be told to stop. They aren’t important and nobody cares about their opinion.

Spongedog

Thanks. If more people challenged then maybe those that abuse would think twice

And based on personal experience the likelihood is higher that it will be someone abusing it than it would be someone genuine

@Bloodypunkrockers. That may be your personal experience but it doesn’t reflect what’s going on in the real world. I posted because since the pandemic this is happening more and more - and not to the CF’s, it’s mostly people who genuinely are disabled.

Someone hit the nail on the head upthread - since Covid, everyone’s a scientist or a doctor, and the government seems to have given a green light to snooping. This has spilled over into the kind of behaviour we’re discussing here. I don’t think what happened to myself and my friend is remotely acceptable. This woman wasn’t satisfied with seeing my blue badge - it was in my hand during the confrontation, as I was about to display it. Even after I showed it to her she continued with the tirade asking about how mobile I was, considering I was parked so close to the entrance. How is this anyone’s business ? Challenge if you think something’s amiss by all means, but seeing a BB should be the end of it.

If more people challenged then maybe those that abuse would think twice

In what circumstances?
With what authority?

Seeing people leaving the vehicle without a BB on display? Maybe a gentle reminder they've forgotten to display their badge could be acceptable, whether they "look disabled" or not.

When there's a badge displayed after people have left the vehicle, no other action is justifiable. Harassing the person and saying they don't look disabled or are too young or any of the vile comments thrown at people described upthread isn't on under any circumstances.

@Bloodypunkrockers

Spongedog

Thanks. If more people challenged then maybe those that abuse would think twice

And based on personal experience the likelihood is higher that it will be someone abusing it than it would be someone genuine

How can you not see how wrong your views are. I would honestly tell you to fuck off if someone came and questioned me before I put my badge on the dash. I have fuck all to do with anyone.

I've said this before, but if we have the budget available for campaigns to inform people to 'go left' on the motorway to the hard shoulder if you break down (who could possibly have guessed that?!), then there's no excuse for not having regular campaigns to educate/remind people that many disabilities are not obvious to an onlooker.

Yes, you do see signs up to point this out, but the places where they put them tend to be where disabled people are already heading and AB people don't normally go in the first place, so they're really just preaching to the choir.

We need blanket TV campaigns to spell it out - ideally with actors playing the part of the meatheads misguided people challenging disabled people who aren't necessarily over 70 and/or wheelchair users and then showing them being soundly educated and made to look like idiots.

I also think it would be worth considering expanding the commonly-used symbol for a disabled person's space - you'd think it would be obvious that a picture of a wheelchair means ALL disabilities, but so many people really do seem to need it spelling out for them. I don't know what additional symbol would work alongside a person in a wheelchair, though.

I wanted to put one of these stickers on our car. DD's disabilities are (so far) invisible, but she doesn't want attention drawn.

I have seen these stickers on other cars though. Perhaps a similar sign within the BB parking area could be useful.

L*ST
*
my views might not align with yours but that doesn't mean they're wrong

Most abuse of disabled parking is by people who are not disabled. Even the poster who just ran into wickes for her tins of paint counts on that.

So if you told me to fuck off - or if you told my disabled DD who gets very upset at seeing badgeless cars, I fear you might regret starting that one

[quote Rosscameasdoody]@Bloodypunkrockers. That may be your personal experience but it doesn’t reflect what’s going on in the real world. I posted because since the pandemic this is happening more and more - and not to the CF’s, it’s mostly people who genuinely are disabled.

Someone hit the nail on the head upthread - since Covid, everyone’s a scientist or a doctor, and the government seems to have given a green light to snooping. This has spilled over into the kind of behaviour we’re discussing here. I don’t think what happened to myself and my friend is remotely acceptable. This woman wasn’t satisfied with seeing my blue badge - it was in my hand during the confrontation, as I was about to display it. Even after I showed it to her she continued with the tirade asking about how mobile I was, considering I was parked so close to the entrance. How is this anyone’s business ? Challenge if you think something’s amiss by all means, but seeing a BB should be the end of it.[/quote]
I'm clearly talking about those not displaying blue badges. I've not taken part in the conversation about not looking deserving enough.

If you have a badge then there's no discussion needed with them

Any my personal experience in the 10 years we've had the badge is that no-one has ever questioned why we have it

Any my personal experience in the 10 years we've had the badge is that no-one has ever questioned why we have it

You are very lucky.

@PurpleDaisies

Any my personal experience in the 10 years we've had the badge is that no-one has ever questioned why we have it

You are very lucky.

Or maybe I live in a normal town with normal people and not Mumsnet land

Or maybe I live in a normal town with normal people and not Mumsnet land

All those posters on here sharing the abuse they get for daring to be in possession on a BB and using it are lying?

yanbu.

going back to the invisible disabilities....
... some disabilities are also intermittent.

on holiday dd walked two miles one day then went round sainsbury's in a wheel chair another day.

in the past few years, i have been hardly able to walk at times to being able to walk reasonably well and get half a mile or so. Also walked the two miles dd did with a rest at the one mile point. this is the furthest I have been able to walk in about five years. (ranging form the worst being in incredible pain getting to the bathroom and having to hop/use banisters) Thank God we are still well enough to not need a blue badge and it is intermittent enough that we get enough better days to be able to do stuff. I should imagine though that people can get out of the car loooking fine but by the time they are in the first aisle they are in incredible pain and struggling

Thank you to all who responded. I found it an interesting thread and a great insight into how people who don’t have a disability view those who do. Although slightly depressing to see so many other disabled people being challenged in similar ways - also depressing is the way some people see disability, but that’s another thread !!

I also found interesting the misconceptions about how the BB scheme works - even from those who use a badge. For example, the lady whose son sat in a disabled bay while she nipped into Wickes for paint - misuse of the badge and ethically wrong. Do that on a public street or LA parking, and you can be fined and have the badge withdrawn as you’re allowing someone else to benefit from it.

Just to clarify a few points that seemed to cause confusion. Some people think it’s fine to drive around with the badge displayed all the time - I think someone upthread actually said she does this because she’s forgetful. That’s OK if you’re the only driver of the car, but if a partner or someone else drives it , you need to be in the car when the badge is displayed, or you’re committing the same offence as above - even if the car isn’t used to park in disabled facilities. All of this is detailed in the literature sent with the BB and it’s not open to interpretation.

I’m surprised by the number of people who think I’d left the car without displaying the badge. Why would I park in a BB space and not display the badge if I have one - that would be asking for trouble. This woman challenged us within seconds of me pulling into the space. I was in the driver’s seat, door shut, and the badge was in my hand. I was about to set the clock and put on display, but she didn’t give me time to do either before she took off on her rant. The BB is a security document, containing personal information and the current advice is not to leave it in the car when not being used, as it can be stolen for use on the black market, and can also be used for identity theft. I don’t drive round with the badge displayed as my partner also drives the car and he’s not entitled to use it - I display it wherever I need to and the rest of the time it’s stored securely.

I think if people are going to take anything from my experience, it’s that it’s fine to challenge if you’re genuinely concerned that something is amiss - for example if someone leaves the car without displaying a badge, or if it’s out of date. But I take issue with the poster who said that more challenging will stop the CF’s. No it won’t, because in most cases it’s not the CF’s that are being challenged - it’s genuine BB holders who don’t fit some people’s idea of how disabled people should look or behave. There are numerous hidden disabilities, and someone’s difficulties may not be immediately obvious to you. No-one has the legal right to examine a badge except traffic enforcement, so when the BB is produced that should be the end of it. Certainly no-one has the right to start questioning medical conditions, but you’d be surprised how often I’ve been asked just that.

I agree with the poster who said that its time the Covid police and the overspill are called out and I for one, won’t be explaining myself in future, beyond showing the badge. Many thanks for all your input, it’s much appreciated.