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Original poster

To say this to parents of only children

622 replies

LBirch02 · 25/08/2021 08:51

There are loads of only child threads here and especially parents feeling guilty about having and only child.

Well if anyone’s in this position I just wanted to say:

Children don’t need siblings and only children aren’t necessarily any different from children with brothers and sisters

I hope this helps at least one person

OP posts:
Comedycook · 25/08/2021 11:14

@BoredNotPanda

I can spot an adult only child from miles! They are self-centred (not vicious or even aware of it!) and think that everyone owes them. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE. Even when they are children, they are like mini-adults already, voicing their opinions, being interested in any adults conversations, asking lots of questions. IMO, they are very very different.
This is absolute nonsense. I have absolutely no idea when I meet someone if they have siblings or not
Ozanj · 25/08/2021 11:15

@BoredNotPanda

I can spot an adult only child from miles! They are self-centred (not vicious or even aware of it!) and think that everyone owes them. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE. Even when they are children, they are like mini-adults already, voicing their opinions, being interested in any adults conversations, asking lots of questions. IMO, they are very very different.
And I can spot a troll from miles away.
mistermagpie · 25/08/2021 11:15

I have three children myself, but I came on to say that even having a sibling doesn't guarantee a good relationship.

I have a brother, we are very close in age, but I basically have seen him a handful of times in my adult life and we have now been completely NC for about 8 years. He's not a nice person, was a bully and physically violent to me as a child and teenager and I never ever want to see him again. I am absolutely certain that I would have had a happier childhood and a better relationship with my parents if I had been an only child.

ThreeWitches · 25/08/2021 11:17

@mam0918

I was an only child for a decade - I HATED it and was very maladjusted and struggled to intergrate with other kids dispite being havily socialised (sent to day care and clubs etc...).

My friends who are only children are wierd. I love them but theres zero denying they have some issue with things like sharing or not getting their own way. Of course THEY arent aware of it though and think they are acting normal like everyone else but trust me everyone else notices, without knowing you would assume they are just a bit narcassistic.

My oldest was an only child for a decade due to infertility. It was fucking awful, the world is built for 2+ child families he was often the odd one out it was horrific to watch as a parent and frustraiting too. I would have given pretty much anything to give him a sibling and I now watch my children playing together and its the greatest thing in the world.

This has to be the most pathetic post on here.

So you're essentially trying to say only children are 'weird' as adults?

gofg · 25/08/2021 11:17

@Liverbird77 I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much dealing with your parents, but plenty of people who have siblings have just as tough a time as everything is often left to one person, and on the other side of the coin, the more siblings the more arguments and fallings out over parents.

I'm an only child, my DM was an only child - both of us perfectly happy with that.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 25/08/2021 11:17

Gosh some of the most spoiled people I know are one of 3 or 4

Willowkins · 25/08/2021 11:18

My nephew and his wife are both only children and have thrived. however, their child has no aunts, uncles or cousins and never will. Obviously I step in and I like to think that I am a great Wink aunt but it seems like a generation is missing.

QueenofKattegat · 25/08/2021 11:19

My friends who are only children are wierd. I love them but theres zero denying they have some issue with things like sharing or not getting their own way

What an absolute load of offensive bollocks this is and as for the pathetic nonsense about it being "horrific" to watch an only child missing out. That's on your parenting. Not the amount of bloody kids you have.

proudwomansexmatters · 25/08/2021 11:19

Yup hear hear @LBirch02 I'm an only too and I never missed not having any siblings growing up either.

onlychildhamster · 25/08/2021 11:19

Gosh some of the most spoiled people I know are one of 3 or 4

I 100% agree with this. After i met my youngest SIL, i realized that being 1 of 4 was no guarantee of not being spoilt. Its also like saying all rich/middle class children are spoilt and all poor children are not spoilt.

AnAutumnAfternoon · 25/08/2021 11:19

Both me and my dh have a sibling each and so my dc technically have cousins. But one set lives in another continent (my sibling and his family) and the other set of cousins are as about useful to my dc just about as much as my own sibling is to me. DCs cousins from my dhs side are older, and being used as a yardstick for success and achievment by the grandparents seems to be their only purpose. Not all cousins and big families get to play happy families and add that "extra dimension" to children's lives. Seeing some of the naive and broad generalisations made in this thread is somewhat worrying. Siblings dont usually make life changing decisions for eachother, but parents do. If you are an only child , the chances are you'll be just fine and wouldnt do any less in life than another child with siblings, but if you have a stupid or idiotic parent the chances are you are fucked for life with or without siblings 🥂

gofg · 25/08/2021 11:20

This has to be the most pathetic post on here.

I agree. What utter rubbish "the world is built for 2+ child families" - says who? One child families is hardly a new trend.

bogoffmda · 25/08/2021 11:20

fiddlesticks what utter garbage.

I have 2, one with a limitations due to health and that includes life. My eldest knows he will be the only and knows he has to wait and share ina different way which has nothing to do with sharing as a sibling.

The violence that siblngs can inflcit on each other has always surprised me but I also know some fairly aggressive singletons.

There are some swepping generalisations going on

toomuchlaundry · 25/08/2021 11:20

@BoredNotPanda have you never met a self centred adult who isn't an only child

YouMeandtheSpew · 25/08/2021 11:20

I was an only child and hated it, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a miserable existence. People with siblings can have utterly miserable lives - I know someone who was sexually abused by a sibling, so it’s definitely not all roses.

I do think that being the parent of an only child is possibly more challenging in some ways than being the parent of 2 or 3 or 4 (even though you don’t have the logistical issues that come with parenting more than one). I think you have to work really hard as a parent at helping your child connect and relate to other children. My parents ostracised me from other children in a lot of ways and that made my life really hard.

gofg · 25/08/2021 11:22

Why do some threads attract such batshit posters Confused

EmergencyHydrangea · 25/08/2021 11:23

@mam0918

Does your child not have any friends?

KateonSkates · 25/08/2021 11:23

My friends who are only children are wierd

Do you think that in your case @mam0918 it's a case of like attracting like ...

ParkheadParadise · 25/08/2021 11:24

@gofg

Why do some threads attract such batshit posters Confused
😂😂😂
ThreeWitches · 25/08/2021 11:25

@KateonSkates

My friends who are only children are wierd

Do you think that in your case @mam0918 it's a case of like attracting like ...

Grin
ThreeWitches · 25/08/2021 11:25

Also @mam0918 do your friends know that you feel that way about them? Some friend you sound.

AliceW89 · 25/08/2021 11:28

Disgraceful amount of anecdotal based judgement on this thread.

bogoffmda · 25/08/2021 11:29

mam0918 - I gave my only a sibling and I gave him a headache which will probably outlive me - if he is lucky/unlucky.

The sibling has life limiting illness think early tens /twenties may be longer if they are lucky. If it is longer than then the burden of responsibility sits with my eldest. God forbid anything happens to me or their father because he is then the one with some fecking awful decisions to make.

We have a living will of different scenarios and what decisions we would have made. It was heart breaking when we sat and did it - probably brought us closer together as parents than at any time.

Eldest is almost 15 - he knows he understands but has not read it yet. We have tried to amke the decisions ours so he is not responsible but he will still hold a degree of responsibility, Youngest also knows as mentally not affected by illness and currently healthy within parameters.

Sometimes siblings are not a gift. Sometimes singletons are better off staying that way.

Jamdown123 · 25/08/2021 11:29

It is sad to not have any of the other relationships though - aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, cousins. None of those possible with only children. I really value my extended family. wouldn't want to be without them, though it can eb very hard work!

toomuchlaundry · 25/08/2021 11:30

@YouMeandtheSpew your parents weren't very good at parenting an only (or possibly parenting in general!) but that doesn't mean all onlies are going to have a bad time. Just like if a sibling abuses another means every sibling will be abused.

The problem always seems to be that people over generalise when it comes to onlies and believe their life will be miserable and they will grow up spoilt and obnoxious, whereas if you have a sibling they will always have your back and will be with you through thick and thin, especially when looking after elderly relatives. Which just ins't true in many cases.