Friend wants to move in for 'a few months..'

[islandhoppin]

So I feel really torn, and extremely anxious.
This evening, out of the blue, my best friend has asked if she can come and move into mine and my DP's home.

I believe it's because she wants to sell up where she is currently, split the money with the other person she's bought with, snd then move out into a new property with her new partner.
She's totally put me on the spot.. I feel sick with anxiety.

My concerns are:

• this could easily become longer than a few months
• she has an extremely badly behaved dog that would be coming too
• I have two dogs, one of which is territorial and one that is very nervous, adding another to the mix could cause issues
• I am trying to house train one of my dogs at the moment
• dogs arrangements.. I don't know where hers would stay, it's used to sleeping upstairs with her whereas mine aren't allowed upstairs
• her partner. He doesn't live with her but comes and goes as he pleases, works unsociable hours and has a noisy large truck that will guarantee to wake my neighbours. We are in a very quiet residential area.
• her partner smokes inside the house, has also done it here before when they came for tea; and I caught him lighting up in my living room.
• my mental health. I suffer with anxiety, depression and OCD. My home is my safe space and my sanctuary, I don't think I could hack this, I know that sounds so incredibly selfish of me.

I'm beating myself up over this. I feel awful, selfish, like a terrible friend. I know she'd do this for me if I needed her. But I feel like I just couldn't hack this right now.

What do I do! ☹️

She’s awful! Trying to manipulate you.

Stick to your guns, you know it’ll be a disaster if she moves in.

Don't even get into a discussion about money, OP. This isn't about money. It's about someone who wants to push you around and decide how you live in your own home, and won't accept the answer NO.

Unfortunately, it's time to end this friendship.

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

Wow, throwing your MH back at you is low, she’s horrendous!

She is not in need, has she even given any reason why she can’t stay in her house until it’s sold?

Not that it actually matters whatsoever because you’re perfectly right to say no anyway but I’m utterly baffled by her whole thought process!

What a nasty bitch. That reply is horrible.

I think she's shown you exactly who she is OP!

1. She isn't your friend. You have explained Re your mental health and she clearly doesn't care.

1. Don't call her or engage further other than to say "no". The more you engage, the more she will argue back and make you feel like crap. You cannot win with a cheeky fucker as they have no shame.

That is one disgusting sub human you are dealing with there OP. Someone once told me when someone shows you who they really are believe them. She is showing you who she really is and omg who needs that shit in their lives? Certainly not you. I would no longer reply to anything as you surely have nothing left to say to her for you have said it all before, I would advise you get rid and fast.

As for being in 'need,' I'm sure there are plenty of homeless people sleeping rough who need to live in her house. Would she let them move in with her and pay for everything for them?

I hope you don't think losing this friendship is the end of the world because she really isn't nice or kind to you at all is she?

Don't reply. She is a twat.

Oh dear OP, how upsetting. I really think you should put yourself first here, and if her own family don't want her and her dog, you have no obligation at all to take that on. She's not out on the street and destitute, she has family to turn to and it's their responsibility first.

You have your health to look after and that must be your first priority. Your friend is showing a great deal of entitlement and is trying to manipulate you and bully you into doing what she wants. This isn't on at all and I agree with PPs that you have to question what kind of friend she is after this. What she might hypothetically do for you is pure speculation and very easy for her to say. I'd stick to your guns OP. Your home, your dogs, your health, your DP, your decision. End of story. End of friendship too probably, but that's not a reason to be pushed into doing something that will have a significant impact on you and that you don't want to do.

Please, please just say 'no' and then block her. She is going to make you ill if this continues. She has no thought for you and can't even explain why she wants to move to yours. Not only that, but she is really trying something on, the question is what?
Look after yourself.

What a lunatic. Tell her youve actually changed your mind now and the actual reason that she cant stay is now because shes a fucking bully. Just ignore now. She's had her answer.

‘You’re not really helping your cause here. Do not contact me again unless your vile attitude changes entirely.’
What a piece of shit she is!

The entitlement is way off the scale and quite shocking.

She's off her head. Demanding to move in rent-free - and "the boys"? Her bloke's coming too?

She's no friend. She's a user - sees you as a free hotel. Bet you she'll be expecting dinner on the table too!

Those responses are so out of order!! You've done exactly the right thing.

The dig at mental h and anxiety is beyond horrible. I would seriously back away from someone like this. You sound lovely op and have a lovely fiancée and exciting wedding to plan ! Ditch the users

Thanks everyone, I'm just a bit taken aback, I'm shocked that she could reduce me to tears so easily. I couldn't and wouldn't ever treat someone in that way. 😔

Block her on everything.

She’s an utter cow.

What the hell, you cannot demand people out you up in their homes.

And she’s not in bloody need, she has a house.

Your ‘friend’ is highly manipulative and showing her true colours. If you lose her friendship so be it. You are perfectly within your rights to establish boundaries to protect your mental well being. Stay strong, you will, in the long term, feel better for it.

I reckon she's in financial trouble and the reason the house hasn't gone on the market is because its about to be repossessed.

No, no and no!! For all the reasons listed!

Has she ever done anything genuinely nice for you, that didn't also benefit her, or make her look good?

She sounds like a spoilt princess who latches onto people she thinks she can get away with using.

That must be a painful realisation OP and I am sorry for you that this has happened. Better to know now though, than to carry on being manipulated or looked down upon by her for longer.

Block her op. She's no friend. Can't believe she wants to stay without paying anything and now being nasty. You don't this. Just block and don't reply. Not your problem x

@islandhoppin

Thanks everyone, I'm just a bit taken aback, I'm shocked that she could reduce me to tears so easily. I couldn't and wouldn't ever treat someone in that way. 😔

I'm one of the least sentimental Mumsnetters, but I really want to give you a hug. You really do not deserve this.

I'm going to repeat that you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You responded to her messages perfectly, in fact you were gentler than many of us would have been. Do not feel bad about yourself. This woman really doesn't deserve your friendship.