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Original poster

Friend wants to move in for 'a few months..'

999 replies

islandhoppin · 24/08/2021 21:31

So I feel really torn, and extremely anxious.
This evening, out of the blue, my best friend has asked if she can come and move into mine and my DP's home.

I believe it's because she wants to sell up where she is currently, split the money with the other person she's bought with, snd then move out into a new property with her new partner.
She's totally put me on the spot.. I feel sick with anxiety.

My concerns are:

  • this could easily become longer than a few months
  • she has an extremely badly behaved dog that would be coming too
  • I have two dogs, one of which is territorial and one that is very nervous, adding another to the mix could cause issues
  • I am trying to house train one of my dogs at the moment
  • dogs arrangements.. I don't know where hers would stay, it's used to sleeping upstairs with her whereas mine aren't allowed upstairs
  • her partner. He doesn't live with her but comes and goes as he pleases, works unsociable hours and has a noisy large truck that will guarantee to wake my neighbours. We are in a very quiet residential area.
  • her partner smokes inside the house, has also done it here before when they came for tea; and I caught him lighting up in my living room.
  • my mental health. I suffer with anxiety, depression and OCD. My home is my safe space and my sanctuary, I don't think I could hack this, I know that sounds so incredibly selfish of me.

I'm beating myself up over this. I feel awful, selfish, like a terrible friend. I know she'd do this for me if I needed her. But I feel like I just couldn't hack this right now.

What do I do! ☹️

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Howshouldibehave · 25/08/2021 16:36

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

What a total bitch.
phishy · 25/08/2021 16:36

😮Shock

Keep ignoring her, it is giving plenty of rope…

OLDwhyohwhy · 25/08/2021 16:37

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

Fuck that shit

Personally I would be blocking her.

SarahBop · 25/08/2021 16:37

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

"No, but they can make me tell someone to go fuck themselves.."
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 25/08/2021 16:38

I did reply, the answer is "No". It was "No" the first time you asked and it will still be "No" every time you ask. You can just assume it, there's no need for me to keep repeating it.

Amammi · 25/08/2021 16:38

Take a breath and leave it until tomorrow before sending a reply if any to that message. Give her time to cool off.
She’s not used to being told no by you and has let herself down by sending that. Don’t take the bait and give yourself some space.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 25/08/2021 16:38

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

So manipulative! Do you see she's not a friend yet?
Harvestyo · 25/08/2021 16:38

Reply "You are not listening to me or respecting what I've told you. I've told you that the answer is no. Please don't attempt to pressurise me further, it's making me extremely angry".

Nocutenamesleft · 25/08/2021 16:38

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

But you have replied.

I’d say that. You’ve not ignored her. You’ve said no. But you’ve not not replied.

roundtable · 25/08/2021 16:39

Reply

You're not in need. You have a house. You just want to live somewhere rent free. I've said no and given you valid reasons why. DP and I are not changing our minds.

She's not your best friend. She's a user.

nimbuscloud · 25/08/2021 16:39

This is mesmerising.

GinIronic · 25/08/2021 16:39

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

That's a nasty thing to say - especially when CF is not in need. She's just pissed off because you said no to her - probably for the first time in your "friendship".
thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 25/08/2021 16:40

"I didn't realise that being a best friend meant I'm here to be walked over, bullied, emotionally abused and not given a shit about. This friendship is over, do not contact me anymore".

NoSquirrels · 25/08/2021 16:40

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

I’m glad you haven’t responded. Because that’s a) really shitty of her and b) untrue, as you have responded.

Ignore it now.

LAgeDeRaisin · 25/08/2021 16:41

Also it's pretty obvious why she wants to move out while she tries to sell and why her family member who co-owns wants her out too:

The reason is because she is a disgusting slob and her dog has pissed on all of the carpets. There are 4 months of dishes in the kitchen similar to the opening scene of 'Withnail and I'. Someone has done a turd in the bath and no one will admit to it so no one has cleaned it up. There are fag ends floating in off milk and none of the lightbulbs work. There's a huge dead rat that they've called Piggy and it has been mounted on a post in the hallway like William Golding's shit first draft. There are 2 used condoms on the front path and one of them has been blown up and fashioned into a sort of talisman mascot for the house with a face drawn on the front and hair taken from the matt clogging up the broken shower.

She wants to take all of these items and habits to your house so that they don't impact her sale.

Simple.

Didactylos · 25/08/2021 16:41

Need!? Where does need come into it? Shes not in need.

She is in want
She wants a non contributing, rent free stay with you for an unspecified length of time until her house is sold (and its not even on the market yet)?
She wants to be able to do whatever she likes in you house, with dog/partner both living there, with no regard for your rules?
She wants to manipulate her way around your clear NO and your boundaries

She wants a kick up the arse

AuntMasha · 25/08/2021 16:41

OP I’m so sorry, please don’t let this person damage your mental well-being. Look after yourself first and foremost. 💐

AryaStarkWolf · 25/08/2021 16:42

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

What an asshole, that's too far.
QueenBee52 · 25/08/2021 16:42

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

this is so inappropriate and vile now..

she's now trying to bully you into submission...

keep all those messages OP..

But I'd be tempted to Block her now 🌸

SarahBop · 25/08/2021 16:42

OP, here's a hug and some Flowers I really feel for you, you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

Sadly, some people [CFers] are only out for what they can gain from people and will seek out kind people to manipulate to their advantage.

I think you are seeing your 'friends' true colours here, although it seems like the friendship was unbalanced already. I'm intrigued to know what she actually brings to the table, whether she is truly a good friend and a kind person, or whether she's just a cheeky fecker - it sounds like her whole family are the same type of people - takers/users.

Stay strong. You don't deserve her attitude. I can only assume somethings gone on, so she's expected you to bail her out, and because you're not, you're getting her bad mood about it. She's a brat.

FrankieDoyle · 25/08/2021 16:42

OP
This woman is not your friend.
No friend of mine would EVER send me something like that about my mental health.

Also, she isn't in need.

Magi84 · 25/08/2021 16:43

This "so called friend" is a piece of work. To even reply to you by mentioning what she thought MH meant is absolutely despicable.

SamiReed1 · 25/08/2021 16:43

Wow, she is a selfish, manipulative and nasty bitch. I'd reply I replied long ago, you've got your reply. I said no, neither myself or my DP will change our minds on this and your attitude is further cementing why. If you keep asking I'll have to block you. The subject is closed.

SarahBop · 25/08/2021 16:44

@roundtable

Reply

You're not in need. You have a house. You just want to live somewhere rent free. I've said no and given you valid reasons why. DP and I are not changing our minds.

She's not your best friend. She's a user.

This is brilliant.
TheWoleb · 25/08/2021 16:44

Oooh, I would be losing my temper with her now. She is not in need. She owns her home and can live in it until it sells, like everyone else does. Or she can move in with a number of family members.

When your best friends tells you they really cannot do something, its because they cannot do it. You're her friend. You wouldn't say no unless you meant it and really needed to say no. If she cannot accept that then she isnt your friend.