Would a 28 year old living at home put you off?

[nales]

Met this great guy. Has a good job etc, but still lives at home to save money for a house.

Would that put you off? What should I look out for ?

Does he live in an expensive part of the country? My friends in central London still live at home if they can.

Washing/drying clothes in halls at uni is very expensive .... DD used to spend £8-10 doing hers. When you're on a weekly budget of about £50 for everything, that takes a massive chunk of it. So I never worried about her bringing stuff home to wash.

@nales

He does man jobs around the house and helps set table / put stuff away after dinner. But I think that's it.

"Man jobs"!!! Yes you should definitely be put off by that if that's how he's phrased it.

It wouldn't put me off, I moved home to save a deposit and bought when I was 34.

If he isn't independent and is a mummies boy, that's another matter.

One of mine (almost 23) has just finished uni and is at home for the foreseeable future. There are two problems with him moving out. 1. There are very few rental properties on the market within a good distance of his new job 2. The ones that are available are way out of his price bracket.

In the meantime we continue to live as a family. Stuff gets done by whoever is doing it. No one interferes with anyone else's lives and life just goes on as normal. He will move out when he can financially afford to.

He is a perfectly independent, fully functioning adult and I think it's quite sad that he, and people his age, would be judged so harshly for being unable to afford housing.

I think for me the problem would be when you're dating and going round his parents house, and sitting in the living room with them or going up to his bedroom to be together alone like teenagers. If you yourself don't live with parents it's then expected you'd be at your own house all the time...
I once dated a guy who was lodging with a family. That just felt really weird and I didn't like being in their house with them all, as we'd have to go to his room and I felt like I was 16 again not early 30s!

Years back when I was in my 20s I wouldn't have considered a man still living with his parents for a second. It was the ultimate turn off.

But times have changed (rents hugely expensive, people seem to think you have to buy not rent etc) and these days it is much more common so I wouldn't rule out a man simply for not having moved out.

I would, however, not consider him if he didn't contribute financially, do his fair share of all chores, not just the ones that can only be done with some sort of penis attachment 🙄 and know what it takes to run a home or if he expected mummy to take care of him.

I would be concerned I would become a surrogate mother for him, and yes I would find it deeply unappealing to be with a man that could not wash/cook and clean every day as a matter of course. The lack of independence and still being tied to his mother's bosom is not attractive if he has become completely incapable, and his mother should know better, but perhaps she is keen to keep him with her, which is another red flag.

It would be a no from me.

Oh and 'gives me the ick' is so incredibly childish.

Two questions to ask:

• how much he has saved and,
• when is he expecting to get his own house.

If meagre savings after months or years living with parents and no specific plans about his future… you have a child on your hands.

Having said that, you set your own levels of expectation on your own relationship. My ex was a perfectly independent capable professional who owned his own flat, do his own cleaning, DIY and amazing cooking when I met him. By the time I left him he could not even pair socks correctly.
Why did that happen? Because I gradually took responsibility of everything needing doing in the house.

Next partner… same.

Third partner onwards… I decided I was not meeting lazy men, I was making them, so took a big step back and let them deal with their own stuff as the adults they were.

My current partner is great, very proactive, he cooks, he cleans, do small jobs, helps with DS and does it ALL the time, he is a true team mate. He didn’t come like that, I’m pretty aware his ex left him because he was “lazy”. I think she would be surprised to see him now, it is incredible what standing your ground and lots positive feedback can do in a short time.

@nokidshere

Oh and 'gives me the ick' is so incredibly childish.

I agree. 'The ick' seems to be all over MN at the moment.

I'm in my mid 20s and every single couple/person in our friendship group owns. They all rented first. But then again, maybe we're lucky that rent is cheap here

How did they manage to rent and buy? How much were they earning and how much did they pay for their property? Genuinely interested.

As long as he doesn't behave like Brennan and Dale from stepbrothers no 😂

Why would it put you off? What's so impressive about paying half your salary towards some strangers mortgage? Renting in the UK sucks.

My son lived at home until he was 27. I did everything.
Has his own home now with 2 children. He and his partner share everything and he’s great with his kids. Does a great bbq too.
Completely depends on the person.

A man child is no laughing matter when you have three kids and bills to pay. I would absolutely run for the hills. He is perfectly capable of doing chores but chooses not to and lets his mother do everything, what does that say about him?

Perfectly normal nowadays, children stay at home until their early 30s so they can buy their own home

Exactly. Late 20s/Early 30s in Spain and many other countries with cheaper rent than the UK -people there wouldn't bat an eyelid. Given rents in many parts of the UK, throwing 50%+ of your salary for 10 years while "saving up" is absolutely ridiculous. I say that as a mortgage free homeowner who lived at home for just one year, but then I was living abroad for many years where I could rent an apartment for 20% of my salary.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland he's progessing quickly a good company and we dont charge him any rent. He'll get there.

@stepupandbecounted

A man child is no laughing matter when you have three kids and bills to pay. I would absolutely run for the hills. He is perfectly capable of doing chores but chooses not to and lets his mother do everything, what does that say about him?

If he was a man child you would find that out before having 3 children with him presumably?

He already is a manchild sparkling as he does zero chores or cooking, so we already know that he is, so what is the point of continuing a relationship with someone that is already shown what he is? And then assuming op might like a family one day. The writing is on the wall now.

*has

@nokidshere

Oh and 'gives me the ick' is so incredibly childish.

No it's not. It perfectly explains in a simple word that feeling... the ick. Easier than using a ton of words. Everyone knows what it means, everyone's experienced it.

Completely relatable term in common parlance on the dating scene

I dated a string of men (briefly!) who were all 'living with parents to save money for a house'. Most were (supposedly) on a wage similar to mine or higher. I didn't know what they earned but I don't earn that much and they had professional rather than part time or minimum wage jobs.

These 'savings' never ever materialised because they'd spunk their money up the wall every month, yet I managed to live alone and save. Our priorities were just different. I live in the SE and rents are hugely exortionate. But I managed and was never skint at the end of the month either.

Anyway I always tried to 'be kind' about people's circumstances but decided in the end that if you couldn't even manage a houseshare, you knew he was a bit of a freeloader.

Incidentally, I recently went on a date with a man in his early 30s who only confessed on the date that he lived at home. He lived in a cheaper outer village in his parents sprawling house, I lived in the city centre in a tiny flat (alone). We briefly chatted 'moaning' about prohibitive rents etc and he honestly suggested that bills for me would only be 'about what, 50, 100 a month?' I just gawped at him and said, 'for water, council tax, mobile, internet, and electric? all in?'

He really didn't have a clue and it gave me the serious ick to realise he'd never had to actually 'adult'. I could just imagine living with him and trying to pull half the rent and bill money and him 'not having it' (my eye) and always moaning about having no money.

His eyes lit up though at the thought of using my place for a shag pad

@stepupandbecounted

He already is a manchild sparkling as he does zero chores or cooking, so we already know that he is, so what is the point of continuing a relationship with someone that is already shown what he is? And then assuming op might like a family one day. The writing is on the wall now.

We don't know that for sure. 'I think' was used. As I said there's very little information to go on really, the OP's not really elaborated since the original few posts.

And there's the assumptions again, with the OP wanting family. Not everyone does.

There are many different reasons why someone that age would still be at home, some heartening, others less so. It's not the be-all and end-all of whether someone is a fully formed adult.

I once knew a guy in his mid thirties, lived in a house share, held down a perfectly respectable job. Despite having "moved out" ten years previously he went to his Mum's every night for dinner on the way home from work, dropped off dirty laundry and picked up cleaned/ironed stuff. His childhood bedroom, complete with Man U bed sheets, was kept for him for weekends. Appearances can be deceptive.