Would a 28 year old living at home put you off?

[nales]

Met this great guy. Has a good job etc, but still lives at home to save money for a house.

Would that put you off? What should I look out for ?

I posted on here February 2020 about the guy I was seeing who was still living at home. He was 45 and incapable of looking after himself, his brother who was 2 years older was exactly the same. He told me he moved back home to look after his mum when his dad passed but it turned out to be a massive lie. He had never moved out. He told me he helped towards meals and house work but he didn't do an ounce towards helping his 70 year old mother with house work. He didn't know how to cook and just sponged of his mother. He would be sat there watching a film in the evening and ask her to make him a slice of toast because he was hungry, he couldn't even make toast! The relationship was going knowhere, he was to comfortable and was never going to change. I came on here ans asked advice and I had over 180 people tell me to leave him and I did. Fast forward a year I met someone new, he now lives with me, is amazing with my kids and has taken on step dad roll fantastically and we are expecting a baby in December. Unless you have time to wait for him to get his ass into gear and actually make and effort to move out and your comfortable sitting around with him family like you are 14 years old then go for it. But from my own personal experience. Avoid like the plague.

It perfectly explains in a simple word that feeling... the ick. Easier than using a ton of words. Everyone knows what it means, everyone's experienced it

I thought it was when something made you feel sick? I don't know if I have experienced 'the ick' well not in this context anyway.

Oh and 'gives me the ick' is so incredibly childish.

No it's not. It perfectly explains in a simple word that feeling... the ick. Easier than using a ton of words. Everyone knows what it means, everyone's experienced it

It's still a ridiculous childish word though. I wouldn't know what you were talking about in terms of someone still living at home and said it gives you the ick. I would think you had a speech impediment and wonder why you felt sick.

Sex life could be awkward with mum&dad around...

@DupontsLark

I'm in my mid 20s and every single couple/person in our friendship group owns. They all rented first. But then again, maybe we're lucky that rent is cheap here

How did they manage to rent and buy? How much were they earning and how much did they pay for their property? Genuinely interested.

New builds needing only a 5% deposit.

A lot of them are military too so were earning a good wage.

We live in an area with much lower rents than other areas in the UK.

Yeah, I did that, as did my friends. We all felt smug about how well we were doing at raising an indepenedent child. Then the pre teens and teen years kicked in.

Haha! Yeah, that'll teach you for being smug!

Only you can find out when you get to know him better. My second husband who is the absolute love of my life is a lazy midden and leaves things at his arse that I throw at him and he laughs, but he does tidy them. My MIL is amazing but would do anything for her boy but would also take my side if he was wrong. He's kind considerate great with money just not with chores. It's up to you what's most important. Ask him what his plans are for buying a property and decide then.

My man was 31 and at home when I met him. Admittedly his mum did a lot for him. HOWEVER in our home he is a perfectly well functioning lovely supportive man. He does more than his share of housework and works hard m etc and because he had saved so much money we got an amazing house with smaller mortgage.

Where as me i left at 20, ran up debts to survive being skint that took me til my early 30s to stop and sort out. No ones perfect.

Surely lots of people are home longer because of house prices/deposits plus the pandemic these days?

I agree you can’t expect the household chores your toddlers have a go at while copying you to what might be achievable by the time they get to School.

Haha! Yeah, that'll teach you for being smug!
It certainly did!! I thought I'd cracked this parenting lark!!! 🤣🤣

@LibbyL92

Not everyone is privileged to have bought a house before 30.

Cut him some slack and let things happen. What will be will be.

He sounds sensible to not have moved out and waste money on private renting. Lots of us under 30 regret not staying home longer to get on the property ladder. (Me being one of them)

The majority aren't in that position tbh. Most people rent, either a small place alone or (more commonly) a house share. It isn't really a black and white choice between living with parents and buying a property.

Renting isn't a 'waste' of money, by the way. Enormously privileged view to see it that way.

@nales

He does man jobs around the house and helps set table / put stuff away after dinner. But I think that's it.

Ask him how he would clean a bathroom - products, methods, steps, etc. That should tell you a lot about whether he's an overgrown mummy's boy or a capable adult.

*New builds needing only a 5% deposit.

A lot of them are military too so were earning a good wage.

We live in an area with much lower rents than other areas in the UK*

That'll be why then.

Here, rents are around £900-1200 for a 3-bedroomed property.

5% on a 3 bedroomed new-build would be about £17500k minimum

All my sons (4 of them) have lived at home in order to save for a property. We live in the SE and to rent a room in a shared house around here costs £1000 a month so most youngsters either get a financial leg up ie substantial deposit, or live at home with parents.
I currently have one DS plus his wife living with us whilst they save. His brother plus partner lived with us rent free so they could save the £30,000 they needed for a deposit for a very small but lovely house, many of their friends had deposits given them by parents either getting equity release or plundering their pension funds neither of which I was prepared to do!

Ask him how he would clean a bathroom - products, methods, steps, etc

Not sure how you would shoehorn that into a conversation. During sex maybe? ‘Talk dirty bathrooms to me’ ‘I want to hear ALL the steps and methods’

New builds needing only a 5% deposit

Yes, but most banks won’t consider approving a 95% mortgage for a new build.

New builds are often as new cars, they can devalue badly in the first year after purchase. I have seen flats loosing 30% of their value just within 2 years of the development being fully inhabited.

Renting isn't a 'waste' of money, by the way. Enormously privileged view to see it that way

It isn’t a waste of money but it often isn’t financially feasible or sensible if there are other possibilities which won’t cost you 50%+ of your salary - eg living with relatives. Nobody’s saying you shouldn’t rent, but in some major European cities a 1 bed apartment is 60/70% of a young persons salary. Considering someone who isn’t forking that out as having some kind of negative mark against them is silly.

At 28, no it wouldnt bother me.

All of my friends who bought houses in their 20s did so buy living at home.

All the ones that didnt are now in their 30s and stuck in rent for what looks like the foreseeable.

It might seem like living at home is the easy thing to do, but once you have gained independence its literally the last thing you want to do. The easy thing is to continue living in house share, partying 24/7 and having a whale of a time.

Very jealous I missed out on those years with friends but now in my 30s I look back and it was the right decision.

Yes, some Mums hate doing anything for their DC at all, ever I think. There must be a middle ground here.

Yes of course there is a middle ground and it is poor form to suggest that just because you don't enjoy doing physical chores for your children, having spent two decades doing just that, you are not sufficiently involved in their lives and don't support them in a multitude of other ways.

Fhs, would middle-aged fathers have the same implied criticism directed at them, that they are not sufficiently "involved" somehow if they don't enjoy doing their adult son's ironing every weekend? Sod that! Of course not!

Are you in a particularly expensive area?
6/7 years of no rent should be enough savings for a reasonable deposit.

How much a month are the late 20 year olds living in their parent’s houses saving per month?

He’s only 28? He’s not 38 fgs! Give him some credit that he’s sensible to stay at home and save for a house instead of blowing money on rent just because he’s 28

I was late moving out myself so don’t tend to judge unless like others say it’s a case everything is being done for them! Genuinely now I am renting and attempting to save but it’s near impossible because of the expense. So really I do understand why people stay on at home the bit longer especially when single as I couldn’t even rent on my own if I wasn’t in a relationship and my income is not bottom level, just rents are sky high here. It all depends on how he is really and I do think you can get a good sense of that! My partner was at home a good while too but will chip in with the house work and childcare ect as it should be. But I guess if I was going by the age he was at home alone and not other things, we wouldn’t be together!

@MessyLifeCleanHouse

He’s only 28? He’s not 38 fgs! Give him some credit that he’s sensible to stay at home and save for a house instead of blowing money on rent just because he’s 28

The bar is in hell.

6/7 years of no rent should be enough savings for a reasonable deposit.

Really. Where do you live!

Not only do you need the deposit, but you need the salary to support the mortgage, which normally only comes after a few years of work. I do not see many people buying before their late 20s at least. Neither of my DC will, and yes they would expect to live with us if they are working/studying in London.