Would a 28 year old living at home put you off?

[nales]

Met this great guy. Has a good job etc, but still lives at home to save money for a house.

Would that put you off? What should I look out for ?

No, because we were both in that situation. Albeit a bit younger but both at home to save money, which we did and bought a house together a few years later.

@namechangetheworld

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If it was the choice between someone who was sensible enough to stay at home to save for a deposit or move out as soon as possible to piss money up the wall on rent I know which I'd choose.

This makes me laugh. "Piss up the wall"?

I'm in my mid 20s and every single couple/person in our friendship group owns. They all rented first. But then again, maybe we're lucky that rent is cheap here and they were sensible.

The only person I know in their 20s who pisses money up the wall is SIL, who lives at home for free.

I wouldn’t be put off as long as he is cooking and cleaning and has healthy savings.

Same with washing- it would be "son, I'm washing the darks do you have any to go in?"

The point isnt for everyone to be doing they own separate half loads all the time. The point is that the adult child should be taking the initiative to run & hang out a load from the family laundry fairly often, not just the parent. So yes sometimes mum or dad might have done the laundry for the adult offspring but equally sometimes adult offspring will have run some of their mum & dads laundry in return.

I don’t think it’s all that uncommon now. But I’d want to know a few things. Is he actually saving or is it all being spent on nights out/plastic crap/some hobby? Does he actually have a plan - I.e live with mum til 30 and buy a big house that needs work/buy a starter flat - or is this an arrangement without an end date? Does he seem to be generally responsible and career focused or is he living with his mum because he’s in a low wage job with no prospects?

Obviously you won’t know all this stuff at this stage but look out for the red flags.

Not at all. My husband was in his 30s and living with his parents when we met. What mattered to me was that he held down a responsible job and had the same attitude towards bills and money as me.

A friend of mine rejects men if they still live at home and I think there's a huge possibility she has missed out on potential relationships because of this.

It depends where in the country you are OP. Where I live housing is extortionate. If his parents have a decent sized house and he can save while there then why not.

It shows he gets on OK with his parents, there about a million threads on here detailing awful relationships between people and their parents, this is a good thing.

I honestly don't see this as a bad thing.

@Hairbrush123

Wow some of these comments. DP was living at home until he was 34 (we moved out a few months ago) however he saved for years as he lived at home rent-free and now we have a wonderful home whereas a lot of people his age are renting as they left home much younger than him and couldn’t afford to save as much as hoped.

To answer your question - yes I would. Makes zero difference to me.

You say "He saved for years" Now you have a nice house. What were you doing for those years? We're you also living rent free with your parents and saving? A lot of people seem to be very lucky to have parents that can afford to fund their children into their late 20s and 30s.

It would depend why they lived there. Tbh I’d be wary if they had always lived with their parents, because I wouldn’t want to teach anyone about how to live respectfully with a non-family member, and there are thousands of MN posts about slobs who don’t do basic housework. I’d need proof that someone could operate properly before thinking about getting serious.

DP lived with his parents when we met, but he’d moved back after living with a girlfriend and then with flatmates. He then lived by himself when I moved away for work for a couple of years.

@fruitbrewhaha exactly. My twentysomething son lives with us and is saving to buy somewhere. We have the space for him and the truth of the matter is that he can't afford the rents around here on his current pay grade.

I think anyone talking about having ' the ick' would put me off them! They sound like they are 9 years old rather than an adult.

Nope it didn't put me off , my dh left home at 30 and moved in with me and my 3 dc . He adjusted to not doing much at home ( only child and his mum doted on him and didn't let him do anything bar wash up ) to more than pulling his weight around the house .

Happywipings
If he can't afford the rent though, how will he afford mortgage, council tax, utilities, repairs and maintenance to buy a property?

@Mushtullo

I would file this with such traits as ‘doesn’t wash’ and ‘likes football’.

Fucking hell. You sound like a real charmer.

Not at all weird. My sister stayed home until early 30s to buy a house by herself. She had never moved out with a bf or to uni but still managed to learn how to run a house do laundry etc. So if he's like my sister and is saving hard and pulling his weight then good for him

I would note it as a potential issue, but i wouldnt write someone off for it, especially if there was good reason such as saving for a house, providing he was actually working and saving and not just saying it.
I dunno though, all my relationships have probably been red flag city according to many on mumsnet, but I dont think that everybody has the same needs or wants in relationships, and if youre having a good time and not being abused or abusing anyone, then a lot of this stuff is up to the individual.

If he's saving up for a mortgage and does everything for himself around the house (cooking, his washing, washing the dishes, etc) then it wouldn't bother me. However, if he is living with his parents and doing absolutely nothing for himself, then I would be saying a very quick "goodbye" to him.

Living at home to save money - that is okay.

Mummy still doing the washing, coking, cleaning... run away!

Be very wary of getting into a relationship with a man who does not have a proven track record of doing his own domestic chores. Unless you want to do them all for him, forever. See threads ad nauseum on this subject.

I'd be wary, because men that are mothered until their 30s have a habit of assuming that their girlfriend will pick up all the domestic chores when they leave home. Not a deal breaker, but proceed with caution and if you move in together do not cook, clean, do the laundry and life's admin for him. Split it, and if he doesn't pull his weight walk away.

My other concern is his assumption that his parents will fund him while he saves. He might be saving money, but it is at their expense. Doesn't seen right to me.

Yes, mine never did anything like that as toddlers, they would have made even more mess probably and DH or I would have had to sort it anyway.

Oh, he makes a mess! But then he helps me to clean it up. And when he just makes more mess doing that I sort it. But I really enjoy letting him have a go at learning new skills, he really enjoys doing 'adult' things and copying us and it's nice to start young so it becomes a really normal part of living in a family. We all pitch in.

@Monday26July

Yes, mine never did anything like that as toddlers, they would have made even more mess probably and DH or I would have had to sort it anyway.

Oh, he makes a mess! But then he helps me to clean it up. And when he just makes more mess doing that I sort it. But I really enjoy letting him have a go at learning new skills, he really enjoys doing 'adult' things and copying us and it's nice to start young so it becomes a really normal part of living in a family. We all pitch in.

DS2 had a toy hoover so I'd let him believe he was helping without all the hassle.

My DH and I lived with his mum until he was 29 ( I was 27) and we bought our flat. We live in London and I would say I hardly know anyone with london parents who hasn't lived with family for a significant amount of time in their 20s.

It is often the equalizing factor between the children of immigrants (many of whom were lucky enough to buy London houses in the 1990s) and their richer counterparts from other affluent parts of the country. The former can't expect cash gifts for a deposit but they can make full use of their parents' astute decision to buy a london house in 1997- live rent free for a few years while on london wages.

My husband was living at home when we met when he was 27. He was saving for a house of his own, which we ended up buying together when he was 29. I’d dated quite a bit and mostly men who had their own places, none of them were a patch on my husband so I’m glad I got past him living at home, which I’ll freely admit didn’t appeal to me to begin with.

His mum did do far too much for him and still asks both of us to take our washing round but that’s by the by now. I’m really glad I gave both my husband and his mum a chance. I wouldn’t be without either of them!

* Perfectly normal nowadays, children stay at home until their early 30s so they can buy their own home.*

^This. Wouldn’t put me off at all.