Would a 28 year old living at home put you off?

[nales]

Met this great guy. Has a good job etc, but still lives at home to save money for a house.

Would that put you off? What should I look out for ?

Yeah, as PP have said - he sounds a bit too childlike and not like he is living independently under the same roof just to save TBH. I wouldn't be keen!

In my experience, all the woman who do everything round the house and who's dp/dh does very little, are living with men who went straight from their parents home to living with a woman.

I've never thought of it this way, but this is very true. My DH lived with a male housemate before we met and has always pulled his weight with household stuff. I have friends whose husbands need a list if they are going to be doing any housework.

No not at all, my son was still at home at 28 and he did all the cooking, when he left he said it felt like we had been flating together so l think all situations are unique.

@nales

Hmmm mum does all of that still, I think.

Urgh.

I don't know why some mummy's pander to their baby boys like this..it's pathetic and makes them wanker-husbands for their future partners.

My BIL was living at home until 30...MIL done everything..guess what, he's a lazy, entitled husband to my poor SIL..as in can't even put washing in the basket, expects tennis kit washed and dried when he just dumps the kit bag on the hall floor etc....WANKER.

Honestly, yes, it would put me off massively.

[quote AllAroundTheWorldYeah]@Sparklingbrook Many universities offer a flat rate which includes bills and a cleaner. [/quote]
Presumably it varies massively. DS lived in Halls in YR1, a huge house share in Years 2 and 3 and a smaller one in Year 4. No cleaner in any of them and a mix of some bills paid, some not.

My Mum does my ironing. She likes ironing, and likes helping me out. Is that so wrong? She asks me to drop it round to her.

Not so wrong for her if she likes doing that, of course not! It's the generalisation that all mums by definition love doing it that is questionable.

Going back to the OP, they have only posted a handful of sentences with minimal information so it's hard to properly advise without some further details I think. Lots of assumptions otherwise.

My son lived at home until that age when he got married. He lived as an adult member of the household though. I did all the cooking but he did the same stuff around the house that my husband does. He would cut the grass, housework, etc. He knew how to do the laundry and had done since he was 10 but knowing his younger sister needed money he would pay her to do that for him.

@Anothermountain

My Mum does my ironing. She likes ironing, and likes helping me out. Is that so wrong? She asks me to drop it round to her.

Not so wrong for her if she likes doing that, of course not! It's the generalisation that all mums by definition love doing it that is questionable.

Yes, some Mums hate doing anything for their DC at all, ever I think. There must be a middle ground here.

Not everyone is privileged to have bought a house before 30.

Cut him some slack and let things happen. What will be will be.

He sounds sensible to not have moved out and waste money on private renting. Lots of us under 30 regret not staying home longer to get on the property ladder. (Me being one of them)

Mum's dont do themselves any favours do they. I have a friend who does all of this for her DS. Apparently he is convinced she loves doing it.

It's not so much about the money; to my mind it's about emotional maturity and life experience. Who wants to live in the town where they grew up in their twenties?

Eh [puzzled] Millions of people throughout the world do just that. I didn't but it doesn't seem odd to me.

I don't get this "ick" thing that pops up on the Relationship board. OP says he's a "great guy" - he seems to have a good relationship with his parents and is saving for a house rather than renting. Doesn't sound like a creepy character from an Alan Bennett play to me.

My parenting style is very simple...

I teach daughter to do it, when she can do it, I don't do it for her anymore.
She's a little young to learn to use a washing machine, but so far she can make herself toast and sandwiches and drinks. She can sort dry washing out and out it away. She can out her dirty washing in the washing machine. She can also bath herself and make sure she doesn't stink.
She's only 8 and already better than many men 4 times her age.

My DD is 24 and still lives with me. She has ASD and some LDs, but works/ independently travels abroad etc. I do all of the housework, generally. I do some of her washing, with mine. She does the big garden jobs because I have nerve damage and she does DIY. It helps me out money wise and I'm only in overnight three days a week. I sometimes cook for us when in, I enjoy cooking. She's on holiday at the moment and I didn't do anything to make that happen. She would manage in her own place and would pull her weight in a partnership. She does, when she stays with friends. She shops for food that we don't get on our deliveries and looks after her pets. So I don't consider her living with me a red flag and I don't see the difference if she were male. Living with me has meant that she can afford driving lessons, holidays, a good social life and £10k in savings, on minimum wage. She's due to get a full time contract and will look to buy in the future. My ex lived with his parents because as he split his Dad got cancer and he needed to help put him to bed etc. Then his Mum needed support. My Mum worked as a lollypop lady after retiring. She used to do shopping and washing for me. It made her feel useful. I lived close by.
I'd have to look at the whole picture, rather than judge one thing.

Don't judge him because he lives at home. Judge him on his actions when you are together. Does he cook? Does he tidy up after dinner? Does he make his own decisions? Does he manage his finances in a comparable way to you?

"Too many people in their 20s have it too nice at their parents houses for free. "

I live in a lower income area. I don't know anyone who lives for free. Very often the 20 something's income is needed. My middle DD's friend has her BIL living with them. They would have lost their house during Covid otherwise. They both 'baby' him to some extent, but that's been because he has had stable work. Outside of University, middle incomes, 2 parent families etc, housesharing with adult children makes sense. I know a few adult siblings who share.

It depends what you're after. A casual relationship, fine. But I wouldn't want to move in with someone who hadn't lived independently before. It's too easy to get sucked into being cook, cleaner and general life organiser if your partner doesn't have experience of fending for themselves and has always been looked after. I'd sooner walk on hot coals than be expected to 'mummy' another adult.

@nales

Hmmm mum does all of that still, I think.

This is the bit that would put me off.

This would give me the ick big time.

It wouldn't bother me, however I would be making it damn clear from the off, that you aren't his mother...

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If it was the choice between someone who was sensible enough to stay at home to save for a deposit or move out as soon as possible to piss money up the wall on rent I know which I'd choose.

Wow some of these comments. DP was living at home until he was 34 (we moved out a few months ago) however he saved for years as he lived at home rent-free and now we have a wonderful home whereas a lot of people his age are renting as they left home much younger than him and couldn’t afford to save as much as hoped.

To answer your question - yes I would. Makes zero difference to me.

Yep it would put me off. But everyone has different priorities. I get that some people seem fixated on saving for a house, but personally I value more independence and the ability to grow and mature in a way that I just don't believe you can do whilst still living with the safety blanket of parents... even if you do your own laundry. There's something about being responsible for everything that changes your approach to life, emotional maturity, and ability to balance.
But that's my preference. And I would take that as a priority over a BF who might have some savings for a house. Others might think differently.

@namechangetheworld

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If it was the choice between someone who was sensible enough to stay at home to save for a deposit or move out as soon as possible to piss money up the wall on rent I know which I'd choose.

Totally agree!

It would be a red flag. Not necessarily a deal breaker, but a concern.