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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it normal for adult to nap every afternoon?

331 replies

Menomeany · 23/08/2021 19:33

First time poster here...please tell me AIBU.
DH takes himself off for a nap every afternoon...he works from home (but NOT self-employed) and has lots of what I call 'downtime', as opposed to my job which is flippin full on for every second I am there. Sometimes he'll nap for 30 mins, but can be up to 2 hours. If we go out for a day, he will nap in car on way home (he does not drive so I'm always the one doing the driving) On weekends activities are limited due to his need for a nap. Jobs that need doing don't get done. AIBU to feel this is such a waste of a life to sleep it away like this? He is not even 50 yet...what does the future hold?

OP posts:

Ofallthethings · 23/08/2021 20:12

I don't think it's normal for a healthy person. My dad falls asleep during the day but he has health conditions. My DH used to nap after work as he starts at 4am sometimes and wouldn't go to bed early so would only have had 5 hours sleep. Since we've had children he's stopped doing that though as it isn't fair to lie in bed while I look after very young ones on my own. It sounds like he isn't pulling his weight and you shouldn't have to plan weekends around his naps , he isn't a toddler , wow that would really annoy me. If he gets checked out and is well you need to speak to him about this.

Standrewsschool · 23/08/2021 20:12

Dh will nap at the weekend, or early evening. I don’t feel it’s healthy either, and if he lost weight and got fitter, he’d have more energy.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 23/08/2021 20:15

How does he work if hes napping 2 hours a day? Doesn't anyone at wok contact him? I am amazed that the amount of people who have posted that they are napping. Very weird, I dont know anyone who naps. We are rushed off our feet at work.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 23/08/2021 20:15

work not wok

mistermagpie · 23/08/2021 20:16

I am surprised by the amount of people who 'can't function' without a daily nap, I don't think I've had a nap in my entire adult life (including three pregnancies)! I'm quite an 'on the go' person and I don't generally seek out downtime though, so maybe it's me that's the weirdo...

I do think it sounds like his health issues mean he isn't sleeping well at night and the constant napping would drive me absolutely bonkers OP, so I don't think you're being unreasonable. Can he get more medical help for the apnea?

NotSorry · 23/08/2021 20:17

I’ve been having an afternoon nap since DS1 was born (he’s 24 now) BUT it doesn’t encroach on family life

Not sure why people are saying it’s not healthy - in Mediterranean countries it’s completely normal to have a siesta

FatCatThinCat · 23/08/2021 20:17

@Menomeany

Yes to both, he snores and has recently been diagnosed with sleep apnoea so I'm sure this is part of the problem. Still find it maddening though! I'm just mean aren't I!

Sleep apnea diagnosis requires at least 10 apneas every hour. So best case senario, he's being woken up every six minutes throughout the night, every night. Although it's likely a lot more frequently than that.

I have sleep apnea (38 apneas per hour) and if I have a bad night, despite using a CPAP machine, then I have to sleep during the day. It's impossible to function if you've been kept awake literally all the night.

Does your DH have a CPAP machine yet? And does he use it?

owlbethere · 23/08/2021 20:17

My son has narcolepsy and sees a specialist regularly, he tells me that people have different sleep cycles that work for them. Some people just need to sleep in 2 phases per day to function at their best.

OldSpeclkledHen · 23/08/2021 20:17

Bloody love a nap! Sorry, we're all different

SquitMcJit · 23/08/2021 20:17

It doesn’t really make sense you posting about this and then saying later that he has sleep apnoea.

Of course it’s highly likely to be due to that. Other people’s preferences etc re napping aren’t really relevant. He’s got a medical condition.

It might be better if you reposted asking if people with sleep apnoea need daily daytime naps?

Ofallthethings · 23/08/2021 20:17

Oh I missed the post about sleep apnoea. This probably explains it. Has he done much research on the condition? I'd see what can be done to manage it, but I think you need to explain to him the impact on you.

Jet888 · 23/08/2021 20:18

I don't think the nap is the issue...I think the issue is the fact it feels you are doing alot more work than him! I am also only driver and my husband doesnt nap when I'm driving as he knows it's not fair for me to have to drive when he gets a bit of extra sleep. If he did nap when I drove I'd expect him to take over household stuff when we got home so I could have a rest too. Driving everywhere is tiring!

SirenSays · 23/08/2021 20:18

My friends DH is like this. We all went to a wedding together once and he snuck out half way through the ceremony to sleep in his car. I have chronic insomnia and will nap/crash during the day but even I was a bit shocked at that.

LidlMiddleLover · 23/08/2021 20:20

I only nap if i am ill I think its very odd

PumpkinKlNG · 23/08/2021 20:20

I read this expecting all the comments to say it’s not normal but everyone saying it is? I’m surprised! I’m a single parent so no I can’t and don’t nap in the day, I didn’t realise so many did!

leakymcleakleak · 23/08/2021 20:21

You need to ensure he's treating his sleep apnoea. It can significantly increase your risk of heart attack and shorten your life expectancy, and people just get used to the lower quality of living and sleep and don't really notice.

I think you're only justified being annoyed if he isn't doing everything he can to address it. DH sorted his with weight loss and thankfully didn't need the machine and was just saying after a bad nights sleep (for toddler reasons!) that he knows he must be sleeping so much better because of how wiped out he is after a sleepless night whereas before that was his normal.

Taking that much time to nap is negatively effecting your life. Not treating it - if that's what he's doing - is shortening his own life expectancy. To be honest, now we've had kids, I sort of feel both of us is able to have a go at the other for neglecting their health, so I would definitely be harassing him to get it seen, but since it has a medical cause and isn't a whim you're being a bit harsh.

ActonSquirrel · 23/08/2021 20:22

The last place I would expect to see people saying they have naps daily is here: working parents of young children mainly. How on earth does anyone have time for it.

It really isn't normal.

ancientgran · 23/08/2021 20:22

Is this new or has he always done it? I got like this about 20 years ago, so exhausted I'd even have a nap in the car before I drove home from work. Found out I had an underactive thyroid. After a few weeks on levothyroxine I was back to normal.

Hope he's OK.

Houseofvelour · 23/08/2021 20:22

My first question is how long as this been going on? Is it years or has it happened in the last few months?
I'm just wondering if he's anaemic or has any other deficiencies?
When I was constantly napping, it was due to very low vit D and anaemia.

If he is in full health but just likes to sleep, I don't think it's fair on you that days have to be planned around his nap time. It honestly makes him sound like a baby.

Also, if he's able to, get him to learn to drive so you don't have to do all the running around.

dementedma · 23/08/2021 20:22

I have fibro and often need a nap, but I still feel groggy afterwards, not refreshed.

Babyroobs · 23/08/2021 20:23

Until recently I used to nap when I finish work at 4.30 until about 6pm, but I don't sleep well at night ( menopausal ) and am up a lot to the loo in the night. I also sometimes don't go to bed until 1am so I tend to think that the nap is just catch up sleep really from not sleeping well at night.

SpeakingFranglais · 23/08/2021 20:23

I don’t get daytime napping, how do people do this is they work outside the home?

Using the Mediterranean as justification doesn’t work for me. They have a long lunch, during the heat of the day, washed down with wine, no. Wonder they need a nap, they then work into the evening when it’s cooler.

9-5:30 in November in the UK with a nap? Madness.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/08/2021 20:24

This must be related to his sleep apnea though.

It would do my head in having to plan a day out round naps, especially when you have children. It’s worse than a baby. Just make sure you get equal nap time, as reading through the lines it seems a nice way of opting out of childcare. It would drive me mad.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 23/08/2021 20:24

If he's got sleep apnoea and he's not got a cpap then no wonder he's tired. He is also at serious risk. does he have a CPAP yet?
Have they let him know that it's a condition that he is legally required to notify DVLA about? Assuming he drives of course.

I have a similar condition (copd with respiratory depression) and use a bipap and before it I was like a zombie. I could fall asleep while walking (slight exaggeration 😁) so try to see it as a symptom of a very serious medical condition rather than him being lazy.
Hopefully once his sleep apnoea is being well treated he will feel like a new man.

Original poster

Menomeany · 23/08/2021 20:25

He has a senior role, trusted to be getting on with things. Often has zoom meetings but lots of gaps too.

OP posts:

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