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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal for adult to nap every afternoon?

331 replies

Menomeany · 23/08/2021 19:33

First time poster here...please tell me AIBU.
DH takes himself off for a nap every afternoon...he works from home (but NOT self-employed) and has lots of what I call 'downtime', as opposed to my job which is flippin full on for every second I am there. Sometimes he'll nap for 30 mins, but can be up to 2 hours. If we go out for a day, he will nap in car on way home (he does not drive so I'm always the one doing the driving) On weekends activities are limited due to his need for a nap. Jobs that need doing don't get done. AIBU to feel this is such a waste of a life to sleep it away like this? He is not even 50 yet...what does the future hold?

OP posts:
Mamanyt · 24/08/2021 12:30

@languagelover96

He may wish to consider narcolepsy testing.. I have type 2 and I do have to sleep a lot.
Lord, I feel for you. Had a friend with severe narcolepsy many years ago, when it was just starting to be understood. She had type one, I'm certain, combined with cataplexy. She would be walking along, and just slump. At that time, we thought she was falling asleep while walking, but I'm sure it was the cataplexy, which was also severe, and full-body. Haven't heard from her in years, but I hope she is now well-controlled and living her best life.
C8H10N4O2 · 24/08/2021 13:35

@IsItWorthTheHassle

He HAS tried to help himself - he has gone to see the GP, got a diagnosis and is basically doing the same and thousands of people. Which is to wait until the NHS can see him and accept the ‘covid delays’

Agree with nearly all your post except this bit. We don't know if he has sought help for alcoholism or just the apnoea. Certainly high alcohol intake is exActly what apnoea sufferers are advised to avoid.

What I do find interesting is that the op was being harangued for not being an expert on the effects of apnoea and "drip feeding" when she added that info just 40 mins after starting the thread, because apnoea is a medical condition. However add in alcoholism and suddenly the reaction is totally changed. Alcoholism is also a medical condition but the reaction here is both typical and one reason why it's hard to seek treatment.

OP only you know just how willing he is to seek help for drinking but if he cannot control it or seek help you need to consider all the impacts of drinking on you and the dc. There is a good chance Apnoea will respond to CPAP device - the drinking is a much tougher nut to crack

weegiemum · 24/08/2021 16:11

My dh has severe sleep apnoea, diagnosed several years ago. I'd been grumpy with his need for sleep but he had up to 60 apnoeas an hour so was basically awake all night. He went for a wee lie down at every opportunity and was always in bed by 8. It was destroying family life and he was miserable.

When he finally got tested they gave him a machine that day! It's been a revelation. I'm disabled and all of a sudden the pressure to do everything was removed. We had 3 young teens when the diagnosis was made and suddenly they had their dad back, it was lovely.

Even now he can have a bad night when the mask just doesn't seem to fit or he hasn't bothered to shave (facial hair reduces the fit of the mask on the face) and still at the weekend he will have an afternoon nap if we have nothing else planned. But his sleep doesn't rule our lives any more.

Feel free to pm if you want to chat about it, and I hope he gets his CPAP soon!

IsItWorthTheHassle · 24/08/2021 17:33

@C8H10N4O2, I have to say, I was only talking about the sleep apnea issue.

The alcohol issue is another matter. I don’t think the OP ever mentioned of he asked for help for that. I somehow get the feeling he hasn’t.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 24/08/2021 17:42

I'm 59 and I'd love a 2 hour nap in the afternoon but i'm much too busy working all hours so it doesn't happen.
My mother has slept for three hours at least every afternoon since her early 20's but she has never worked and then she wanders about for half the night.
I think if he started doing more exercise cycling, gym he's feel less tired, I only get tired when I put on too much weight and stop exercising.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 24/08/2021 17:44

P,S I also have severe sleep apnoea, it only took me a couple of months to get a machine on the nhs and I never drink alcohol because of it.

EmeraldShamrock · 24/08/2021 17:45

No it isn't normal unless ill, many enjoy the habit and when you do it you need it.
I looked forward to a day nap when DP was off I found myself still awake at 3am on the days I'd nap.
Sometimes I'd love too but it is not worth.
My DM would nap in the day when we were DC it wasn't great.

GeorgeTheFirst · 24/08/2021 17:50

I only nap like that when my iron levels are low. Just a thought.

MrsSkylerWhite · 24/08/2021 21:16

LeonieSims
I love it. So cosy and safe. Plus, I always have the most vivid dreams.“

I have vivid dreams every - single - bloody - night. I wake up exhausted. Sometimes bewildered, sometimes terrified to the point that I don’t want to go to sleep the next night. They are frequently just bizarre, absolutely nonsensical. Some would make screenplays.

Don’t drink alcohol or eat rich food before bed, have a warm bath, milky drink, tried 4 pillows, no pillows, thick duvet, thin duvet. I just wish they would frigging well stop.

Completely missing the point of the thread. Sorry Grin

SchrodingersImmigrant · 24/08/2021 21:27

@MrsSkylerWhite have you tried weighted duvet? Not just thick, proper weighted one. I am in love with mine, it's really calming. My mum has similar issue to you. So many weird really vivod dreams resulting in bad sleep. There were suggestions it needs therapist to resolve some issues on her mind. She did aay that the weighted blanket helped a bit. It pins you down a bit. I am like a windmill at night and so have quite crappy sleep sometimes. This "pins" me in nice position and it's just so much more relaxing. Mine is 8kg on top of my normal duvet

MrsSkylerWhite · 24/08/2021 21:39

Thanks, SchrodingersImmigrant. I’ve not heard of them but it makes perfect sense. I imagine you feel sort of cocooned and protected.
My early life was horrible but adult life has been lovely. Started around menopause. Menopause symptoms have more or less gone but the (usually horrid) dreams remain. I think if I recounted them to a therapist, I’d probably become a case study!

Great tip, will google tomorrow smile]

SchrodingersImmigrant · 24/08/2021 21:44

No problem. It can be horrible. I had terrible dreams when I moved abroad and I was permanently shattered.
The blankets afaik should be 10% of your weight maybe bit more. There are articles on it online. Hope it helps

thebeatingofthedrums · 25/08/2021 20:19

@SchrodingersImmigrant

No problem. It can be horrible. I had terrible dreams when I moved abroad and I was permanently shattered. The blankets afaik should be 10% of your weight maybe bit more. There are articles on it online. Hope it helps
I second this advice. It sounds a bit ridiculous that a grown woman needs a special blankie to sleep, but if I need the rest and can't get to sleep, out comes the weighted blanket. Game-changer!
LeonieSims · 25/08/2021 21:17

have vivid dreams every - single - bloody - night. I wake up exhausted

You might be on to something. For as long as I can remember, I have loved sleep and always felt tired and able to nap. I have also always had vivid dreams, every night, even during a ten minute nap - I don't recall ever sleeping and not being able to recall some wildly bizarre dream for the rest of the day, some I remember for weeks, months, and some have been so vivid and unsettling that I can recall them from my childhood. Some are recurring, some are lucid.

Is this why I'm always feeling like I could nap?! Shock

VeganCheesePlease · 25/08/2021 21:20

It depends. My FiL works lots of very early shifts (waking up at 4am) and will often nap for an hour or two after work.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/08/2021 21:39

When my DC are grown and I'm done working I'm going to enjoy some nap time in the afternoon. 😴

Plumtree391 · 25/08/2021 23:35

I have always had very vivid dreams. I must say I like having them (apart from the odd unpleasant dream), they are enjoyable, creative, funny and exciting. Sometimes I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish a dream! Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

RubaDubMum89 · 25/08/2021 23:37

I'm in my 30s and have an afternoon nap maybe 4 out of 7 days. I don't sleep well at night, I've always had trouble sleeping since I was a child. If I don't get an hour in the afternoon, I really feel it!

crapatthis1 · 26/08/2021 09:02

I love a nap when I'm not working etc. In Europe they have their siestas.

blackheartsgirl · 26/08/2021 09:22

An ex of mine was like this, no underlying medical issues (we checked) he was just a lazy sod.

So convenient he fell asleep just as I needed him to help me with stuff or we were leaving on a night out he didn't want to go on...

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 26/08/2021 11:11

I have always had very vivid dreams, but they intensified and I have had sleep hallucinations- might be worth checking if you are on any medication that could cause this, it's not something the doctor mentioned to me, but quite ordinary meds like beta-blockers and anti-depressants can cause more intense dreams. Just a thought.

hocusspocuss · 26/08/2021 11:17

I have an autoimmune disorder that completely wipes me out some days, and on those days I will try and snatch a nap if possible (I have a very lively autistic 7yo and a 3yo). If the kids are around and DH in charge I will never take more than an hour because if I can power through until bedtime I generally get a better nights sleep.

Some days I am so absolutely done in that I have to go and lie upstairs with Disney+ on the bedroom tv, with my kids and an array of snacks. That's very rare though.

I generally try to power through most days but it is genuinely hard.

JustLyra · 26/08/2021 11:33

@LeonieSims

have vivid dreams every - single - bloody - night. I wake up exhausted

You might be on to something. For as long as I can remember, I have loved sleep and always felt tired and able to nap. I have also always had vivid dreams, every night, even during a ten minute nap - I don't recall ever sleeping and not being able to recall some wildly bizarre dream for the rest of the day, some I remember for weeks, months, and some have been so vivid and unsettling that I can recall them from my childhood. Some are recurring, some are lucid.

Is this why I'm always feeling like I could nap?! Shock

It could be. If you are not getting proper rest then you’ll be tired.

My DD has extremely vivid dreams as part of her narcolepsy. It’s one of the reasons why she’s shattered despite outwardly appearing to sleep a lot.

namesnamesnamesnames · 26/08/2021 11:51

I would if I could. 10 mins makes the world of difference to my day.

Balonzette · 26/08/2021 13:12

Depends. It's a cultural thing. I live in Asia and everyone naps here 1-1.5 hours). DH is from another country and also the norm there (up to 2 hours). Might not be UK culture but nothing wrong with it.

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