Is it normal for adult to nap every afternoon?

[Menomeany]

First time poster here...please tell me AIBU.
DH takes himself off for a nap every afternoon...he works from home (but NOT self-employed) and has lots of what I call 'downtime', as opposed to my job which is flippin full on for every second I am there. Sometimes he'll nap for 30 mins, but can be up to 2 hours. If we go out for a day, he will nap in car on way home (he does not drive so I'm always the one doing the driving) On weekends activities are limited due to his need for a nap. Jobs that need doing don't get done. AIBU to feel this is such a waste of a life to sleep it away like this? He is not even 50 yet...what does the future hold?

I would have a sleep every afternoon given the opportunity. But that is by the by. Your DH is seriously ill, I hope you get some help with that soon.

I often nap when circumstances allow. I’ve always been a very tired person. I’m finding that as I get older I’m not needing to nap quite as much though. It used to be that about once a month I would just sleep for a whole day to catch up on the sleep I wasn’t getting because I was working. Not done that for a while.

[quote ActonSquirrel]@Hekatestorch you OK hun. Why are you taking my original comment that was not directed at you or anyone specifically so personally. Sarcastic comments like slow clapping ....what's wrong with you.

Go back to bed the nap might cheer you up

Lots of love xxxxx[/quote]
The only person needs checking on is you. Judging people who choose to do something different to you and telling them they are wasting their life is odd behaviour.

Doesn't matter if it was specific. What type of person decides 'oh all these people are doing life wrong'. I didn't take it personally. I was pointing out that your post was ridiculous.

I don't need a nap, to point out to people when they are being judgmental and, frankly, odd to believe people should be like them.

He chooses not to drive, has never passed a test and is quite happy to sit back whilst I do all the driving.
He is doing nothing to help himself with the sleep apnoea..alcohol is a real issue, he drinks over 15 units every.single.day. But yes I acknowledge that this is a health issue that needs addressing and is likely contributing to his need to nap.
He does help out at home but does not do his fair share, I literally do not stop, but after reading all these comments maybe I should start trying to nap too.
Thanks for all the advice and best wishes to all those suffering too.
Thanks for your patience with my first MN posting.

he drinks over 15 units every.single.day.

That is quite a drip feed. So he is an alcoholic as well. I think you need to take a step back and stop doing so much for him. I'm sorry you are going through this. SIL's late husband was an alcoholic.

@Menomeany

He chooses not to drive, has never passed a test and is quite happy to sit back whilst I do all the driving. He is doing nothing to help himself with the sleep apnoea..alcohol is a real issue, he drinks over 15 units every.single.day. But yes I acknowledge that this is a health issue that needs addressing and is likely contributing to his need to nap. He does help out at home but does not do his fair share, I literally do not stop, but after reading all these comments maybe I should start trying to nap too. Thanks for all the advice and best wishes to all those suffering too. Thanks for your patience with my first MN posting.

So he's an alcoholic as well?

Do you love him?

That's a whole other subject.

Clearly we have lots of issues but I don't want to be accused of drip-feeding. How is it possible to add everything to one post?? Mine would be a novel! I need to read up on MN etiquette. I was simply interested in peoples views on napping but it's opened a can of worms and I want to put the lid on it now.

I'm beginning to regret posting, I'm going to stop commenting but feel free to chat amongst yourselves.

I formally withdraw my apology after your last post😁

He's a lazy, non driving alcoholic who has apnoea.

He sounds absolutely awful.
Stop doing anything for him.

Having a family with a man who can't be arsed to drive is absolute madness.

An university academic friend of mine married the Professor of another department some years ago.

He never learnt to drive as he always lived on campus or right beside it.
He is a few years older than her.
They have a good marriage BUT with three children she is NEVER out of the car, even though she is in an urban setting.

A complete PITA to put it mildly.
He just wasn't pushed.

It has ensured he has avoided a large part of parenting, taxiing them around the place.

I think it is quite obvious that when you are asking whether something is normal, you would put things like sleep apnoea and alcoholism in there even if just 1 sentence. You would get people vommenting in completely different way and probably a lits of advice as well instead of half of us light-heartedly talking about our live gor naps.

He isn't napping. He is crashing. Big difference

@Menomeany

He chooses not to drive, has never passed a test and is quite happy to sit back whilst I do all the driving. He is doing nothing to help himself with the sleep apnoea..alcohol is a real issue, he drinks over 15 units every.single.day. But yes I acknowledge that this is a health issue that needs addressing and is likely contributing to his need to nap. He does help out at home but does not do his fair share, I literally do not stop, but after reading all these comments maybe I should start trying to nap too. Thanks for all the advice and best wishes to all those suffering too. Thanks for your patience with my first MN posting.

Ok I’m going to say this as someone who has a chronic health issue resulting in extreme tiredness.

The alcohol is an issue and isn’t related to the sleep apnea or his naps.

He HAS tried to help himself - he has gone to see the GP, got a diagnosis and is basically doing the same and thousands of people. Which is to wait until the NHS can see him and accept the ‘covid delays’.

If he has that exhausted, he won’t have the energy to do much around the house. His ‘not doing his fair share’ might be laziness or rather not seeing it as his responsibility. It might be that he physically can’t. I know I can’t and DH has to pick up the pieces.

Not learning how to drive has nothing to do with his health issue - even though again, if he is that tired, it might well not be safe for him to drive. See the fact he is falling asleep in the car every time. I didn’t ant to acknowledge that and ended up crashing my car….

My point is that really, he needs to have his health issue sorted before anything else or passing any judgement.
And then you might have to think if you are happy to live with someone who might still have some restrictions in their life. And try to evaluate what is linked to his health and what is laziness/unwillingness to do his fair share.

Good luck!

@billy1966, I hope you will never have an illness that will make you exhausted/fatigued rather than just tired.
You will get a shock.

I nap where I can, I'm known for sleeping 16 hour stretches but I have several illnesses... sounds like this is more an alcohol problem than a sleep problem.

[quote IsItWorthTheHassle]@billy1966, I hope you will never have an illness that will make you exhausted/fatigued rather than just tired.
You will get a shock.[/quote]
I have had actually, thanks.

He chooses to drink 15 units of alcohol a night.

I bet his wrecked, not just from the apnoea.

He's a lazy, selfish alcoholic, who has apnoea too.

My sympathy is 100% with the OP, living with him and having to do EVERYTHING including ALL the driving of their kids.

Waster.

Or maybe it isn’t though….

Or are you able to make a diagnosis over the Internet so you can state wo a doubt that his exhaustion is just him drinking and hardly caused by his severe sleep apnea?

As I said the drinking is down to him and no it won’t help. But a functioning alcoholic doesn’t nap everyday like this.

Sorry but if he has sleep apnoea then yes, you are being a bit mean.
Does he use a CPAP at night? He should, his quality of sleep will improve and he’ll need to nap less.

You’d be better re posting maybe in relationships with fact he has diagnosed severe untreated sleep apnea and alcohol dependency/alcoholic to get correct advice and support.
He’s got serious medical condition. It’s like posting your DH naps and then 6 pages in it transpires he’s undergoing chemo.
It sounds like he doesn’t take it seriously and can’t or won’t get help or make changes. You need to look out for you and teens op - it will be you dealing with everything if he dies - is his will/life insurance etc all in order.

Not driving isn't s big deal. My mum never learned, so all the driving was up to my dad. If he was at work, we got buses, trains, taxis, or walked. It was never an issue.

I don’t drink coffee though so I wonder if that’s why

I can fall asleep straight after drinking a coffee, or even two.

but as you say if time spent unconscious during the day makes you happy so be it

I love it. So cosy and safe. Plus, I always have the most vivid dreams.

I’ve always spent my life permanently tired. I’d love not to feel like that. Short naps help significantly if I’m able to have one.

@Kiduknot
Have you had any blood tests done to rule in or out certain conditions? It has helped me out enormously.

I had a sleep apnea test once but I’d just lost weight and also I was awake for a lot of the night because I was aware of the equipment. It came back negative. I wouldn’t be surprised though.

Could be 'the afternoon slump' that time around 2-4pm where its long enough after lunch where our blood sugars drop and we feel less motivated and sleepy. There are articles out there about it and what helps

It's sleep apnoea and alcohol @Winecurestiredness

Oh no yeah my DH has sleep aponea its horrible. Hope OP DH gets the help he needs!