Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate formula feeding?

228 replies

Dustypinks · 23/08/2021 10:48

It’s not meant to be a BF vs FF thread. It’s just how I personally feel.

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby. I hate the fact that if I give him a bottle and he won’t go to sleep I have to wait hours until he’s hungry enough to accept another one. I hate worrying about his teeth. I hate the cost!

I know it suits some people and I’m not trying to suggest they are wrong. I personally hate it though.

OP posts:
ScaredOfDinosaurs · 23/08/2021 11:35

Fair enough OP, you're quite right to say how you feel about it. It is a very personal thing. The right way to feed your baby is the way that's right for you.

Have you considered trying relactation? It's hard but it can be done. My youngest was on formula when I was in hospital with covid and they wouldn't lend me a pump to keep supply going. It dried up, but I managed to get breastfeeding restarted after I got out. It took a couple of weeks and it was hard, but it can work if that's something you would like to consider.

Tvci5 · 23/08/2021 12:16

Well if that's how you feel.....

BonsaiBonsai · 23/08/2021 12:24

Everyone is entitled to their own experience.

My own experience was it was easier and better than BF because other people could feed my child.

A dummy can and will settle an inconsolable baby. As for quickly feeding, there is pre-made formula if you want to be a stickler for "the rules". Or you can just do what most people do and make bottles in advance and keep them in the fridge until you need them.

As for the cost, honestly child benefit covered the cost of a tin of formula a week and they are weaned after six months anyway, so shouldn't be needing that much after then. (I'm presuming your DC is older than six months with you talking about teeth).

HalloHello · 23/08/2021 12:28

I am a huge BF fan but I do think YABU!

Why are you worried about teeth?

There are many other ways to soothe a baby. Just your cuddle and touch is enough, skin to skin, rocking, walking, pram walks, car rides. A dummy is not a bad thing if it helps.

BF babies don't always just feed/suck until they're asleep. You need to find other ways to help them learn to fall asleep.

Footprintsonmyfloor · 23/08/2021 12:30

Well if you hate it so much why are you formula feeding?

IMO both bf and ff have their pros and cons. I have one that was ff and one that was bf.

ConstanceGracy · 23/08/2021 12:34

Ok but having a breastfed child that wants the breast constantly not even to feed but just for comfort can be hellish and I really questioned my choices as it ruined the first few mo this for me.
First child was formula fed and it was so much less stressful for me personally

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/08/2021 12:36

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby

Cuddles, bouncing up and down, dummy, pushchair walk, drive in the car, singing, walking up and down, laying them on your chest and patting their bum, swaddling

CoalCraft · 23/08/2021 12:36

As mother of a bottle-fed child that is ambivalent at best about feediy, there are other quick, easy ways to soothe a baby! A cuddle and a rock does the trick with mine. Also, though I'm certainly not strict about it I have always generally fed DD shortly after waking and not before sleep so she doesn't have to be hungry before nodding off.

CoalCraft · 23/08/2021 12:36

Also making up formula really doesn't take that long. Maybe 5 mins tops?

PumpkinKlNG · 23/08/2021 12:36

Hmmmm weird comments! If the poster had put up that she hates bf she would get nothing but support but because she’s put up that she hates ff she’s told that she should like it and how great it is? No one would be saying how great BF was if she put up that she hated it, I think it’s good to see a post about hating ff as there are so many about hating BF making it sound all negative and how ff is some magical alternative.

Merryoldgoat · 23/08/2021 12:37

YANBU to dislike it but there are lots of ways to make it more convenient.

Chloemol · 23/08/2021 12:38

And the alternative is?

Daffodil21 · 23/08/2021 12:45

Have you tried a prep machine? Takes less than 2 mins!

CanIPullYouForAChat · 23/08/2021 12:46

@PumpkinKlNG

Hmmmm weird comments! If the poster had put up that she hates bf she would get nothing but support but because she’s put up that she hates ff she’s told that she should like it and how great it is? No one would be saying how great BF was if she put up that she hated it, I think it’s good to see a post about hating ff as there are so many about hating BF making it sound all negative and how ff is some magical alternative.
Agree with this. There’s so much support for those struggling with breast feeding. I can imagine the backlash if someone said they were struggling with bf and were told to “get on with it”.

Bf and ff both have their benefits and drawbacks. Why is it ok to highlight the drawbacks of bf but not ff?

AnyOldPrion · 23/08/2021 12:47

I can’t say I hated it, but having done both (tried to breastfeed first time and failed) breastfeeding was way easier. That said, if I’d had a husband who was keen to help out with feeds in the middle of the night, or willing babysitters on tap, bottles might have had some inbuilt advantages, but I didn’t.

With breastfeeding, I loved being able to throw a nappy and a few wipes in a bag and know I was all set and didn’t have to carry round chilled bottles and find somewhere to warm them up. It was a bit inconvenient when nursery started and my breastfed baby wouldn’t take anything else, but I was lucky enough to be able to work round that too.

But I suspect a large part of my negativity towards bottles was that I wanted to breastfeed and didn’t manage. I understand the desirability of breastfeeding, but think it’s actually quite negative when women feel they’re failures if they don’t manage it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/08/2021 12:49

Children cost a fortune, it’s a known fact before having them. Begrudging the cost of milk seems very sad.

ArabellaScott · 23/08/2021 12:50

Sorry to hear that, OP. Feeding your baby can be a very emotional issue.

Have you tried asking your HV for support? Infant feeding peer supporters, if you have them in your area, should be able to help you with feeding issues whether that is breast or bottle-related.

Popskipiekin · 23/08/2021 12:51

YANBU to hate it. I assume you’re FF because BF didn’t work out, and that may be influencing your feelings towards FF?
The way we feel is valid - other people may feel differently, but that doesn’t negate your feelings and your experiences.

I can see that having heard that BF is a good way to comfort a child, not being able to do this for your baby - and feeling that your options to comfort them are more limited - may be upsetting/frustrating for you. But BF doesn’t always comfort a child - and frustratingly even EBF babies can thrash around at the breast and refuse to feed/ refuse to be comforted by sucking, so it doesn’t always work anyway.

For whatever reason, FF is how you are feeding your baby and there are many positives to feeding this way.

I FF from 6 months as my baby basically had enough of BF. We brushed his teeth after his last bottle before bedtime. He had bottles (not cups) for longer than you’re strictly supposed to … and age almost 7 his teeth are absolutely fine. So please try not to worry about that aspect, as long as you’re brushing before bed and another time during the day too.

Wagglerock · 23/08/2021 12:52

Yeah the cost of formula is bloody ridiculous but you can still cuddle, rock, sway, bounce, give a dummy, give a comforter once baby is old enough.....

Men managed to settle babies and they don't have boobs.

Pbbananabagel · 23/08/2021 12:53

This is super refreshing to read, I agree with what a pp has said re; lots of support if you’d posted saying BF is hard. You’re not looking for a debate, you just need to vent that right now, this is sucking for you. I hear you. Flowers

ArabellaScott · 23/08/2021 12:54

Re comforting: skin to skin was about the best way of comforting my DS. Used to just get in the bath with him when all else failed.

Lou98 · 23/08/2021 12:57

I don't think people are saying the OP should just get on with it, rather trying to give suggestions of things that can help. If the OP was about hating BF, there is always comments about things to try or the suggestion of trying formula. Unfortunately, once on formula and milks dried up, there isn't really an option so people are trying to give suggestions to make things easier.

@Dustypinks It's absolutely okay to hate FF. There are pros and cons to both FF and BF.

I FF straight from the start and for me personally I like that someone else can take a turn feeding him. It did feel like for a while all he was doing was feeding and it is more expensive, we had him on ready made for the first month but was far too expensive so had to change to powder. Do you have a prep machine? It makes feeds so much easier, I have one next to my bed for during the night feeds.
I also like that (I personally find) they're easier to wean off formula than breast as there usually is another way to comfort them when FF, whereas, when BF it can be hard to find something to comfort baby once you take the breast away.

Please don't worry about your babies teeth just now, hold old are they? Once they're a bit older you can try different open cups with milk/water if it's the bottle that's concerning you. It might take a while for them to get the hang of it but they should get there.

For comforting them - it's just about finding something that works for you and baby, that might take some time but there are things you can try. For us the way I found worked best was holding him across my body, giving him a dummy and gently rocking him. I then move him in to his cot just as he's falling asleep. This however, has never worked for my DP. He's always comforted him by walking about with him and kind of bouncing him a little. Different things work for different people and what works for one, won't work for another. Keep trying different things and see what works for you and your baby.

If they've not fallen asleep after a bottle have you tried a dummy? If they take it, it would save waiting until they're hungry again.

Hang in there, they'll be on food and off milk before you know it 😊

Oliveandsage · 23/08/2021 12:58

I think you are being unreasonable, but I mean that kindly, only as the reasons you've given for hating it can be negated fairly easily.

There are plenty of ways to sooth a baby that don't involve a bottle of formula, yes it is expensive but it's a short term cost, and if you do not have a prep machine I fully recommend them, for quick and easy bottle making.

Is there more at play here - did you unsucessfully try and breast feed? I felt really similar with my first who I couldn't breast feed due to a massive blood loss at birth.

Your feelings towards FF are fully valid though, and just because others don't agree with you doesn't make those feelings less true. I spent months feeling like I'd let my daughter down by FF not BF.

Icecreamsoda99 · 23/08/2021 12:59

Have you tried a prep machine? Takes less than 2 mins!

Second this! If you can afford one they are fabulous!

CoalCraft · 23/08/2021 12:59

Is a breastfeeding mum suggested feeding was the only way to soothe a baby or get them to sleep, I would definitely still have commented that they were wrong!